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Failure to Thrive
I need some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759510" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome, Zopdrop. This is your place to stand:</p><p></p><p>It's not a fun place to be but it's the truth. It's horrible for a mom to have to deny her beloved child refuge and support. We struggle with it because it's contrary to what is in our hearts and it is contrary to what we want to do. But it's real. Most of us here have been in this very spot. The thing is we did not arrive here alone. Our children arrived in this place, by either their choices or their incapacities. In your son's case he is making real choices here that are responsible for his predicament:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He is dealing with mental illness and he is self-medicating. And he is unwilling to accept treatment for either one. You didn't make these choices. He did. But you are asking yourself to accept the consequences. The consequences so far have been extreme misery for him, and for you. What he said to you about taking you with him is extremely scary. While they are at this point only words, you should be scared. </p><p></p><p>In my own experience, there are 2 kinds of boundaries I had to learn to make and had to learn to tolerate. The first boundary is the easier one. That is to create a physical and emotional space where I am distant from the consequences of my son's behaviors and choices. The second one is much harder which is to create boundaries in my own brain from the pain and guilt and suffering that I feel because I have wanted and had to make such boundaries from my son who I love.</p><p></p><p>As I see it this is where you are now. You know you are in the spot where you have to create physical and emotional boundaries. But your heart does not accept it yet. I along with the others here, want to tell you that we truly understand how hard this is because we live it too.</p><p></p><p>I want to tell you how glad I am you found us. And I want to tell you how sorry I am you have lost your husband. There is another mother on the forum right now with active threads in pretty much exactly the situation you are in: Tishthedish. You might want to look at her threads.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759510, member: 18958"] Welcome, Zopdrop. This is your place to stand: It's not a fun place to be but it's the truth. It's horrible for a mom to have to deny her beloved child refuge and support. We struggle with it because it's contrary to what is in our hearts and it is contrary to what we want to do. But it's real. Most of us here have been in this very spot. The thing is we did not arrive here alone. Our children arrived in this place, by either their choices or their incapacities. In your son's case he is making real choices here that are responsible for his predicament: He is dealing with mental illness and he is self-medicating. And he is unwilling to accept treatment for either one. You didn't make these choices. He did. But you are asking yourself to accept the consequences. The consequences so far have been extreme misery for him, and for you. What he said to you about taking you with him is extremely scary. While they are at this point only words, you should be scared. In my own experience, there are 2 kinds of boundaries I had to learn to make and had to learn to tolerate. The first boundary is the easier one. That is to create a physical and emotional space where I am distant from the consequences of my son's behaviors and choices. The second one is much harder which is to create boundaries in my own brain from the pain and guilt and suffering that I feel because I have wanted and had to make such boundaries from my son who I love. As I see it this is where you are now. You know you are in the spot where you have to create physical and emotional boundaries. But your heart does not accept it yet. I along with the others here, want to tell you that we truly understand how hard this is because we live it too. I want to tell you how glad I am you found us. And I want to tell you how sorry I am you have lost your husband. There is another mother on the forum right now with active threads in pretty much exactly the situation you are in: Tishthedish. You might want to look at her threads. [/QUOTE]
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