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Parent Emeritus
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 678679" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Drowning, you have taken the first essential steps. To make sure you are safe, your property is safe, and that you have taken charge of your interactions with your son. I think it is wise to not interfere with your husband's desire for contact but also to insist that said contact occurs away from you and away from your home.</p><p></p><p>I believe that in time your son may respond positively to your boundaries by respecting them (if you steadily enforce them and keep them very clear) and eventually, seeking you out as a positive influence. Which is our only real responsibility to an adult child. Who after all is an adult, equal to ourselves; with the right to govern his own life and to experience the consequences of his choices. </p><p></p><p>It is this I did not get until very recently, because I sought to protect my son, to no avail. I caused myself a great deal of damage, and did not help him one bit.</p><p></p><p>They try to confound the boundaries between us, and we help them until we reach the point of no return, as have you. This is the point when a true and good relationship becomes <em><strong>possible</strong></em> between two adults, the one the parent, the other, the adult child. But only if we adhere to our convictions and maintain clearly our boundaries. </p><p></p><p>It is not necessary to renounce all contact, if we choose not to. It is necessary to protect ourselves, to respect ourselves and to insist that they do the same. In this we have full control. It is terribly difficult. </p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. Keep posting. Take care.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 678679, member: 18958"] Drowning, you have taken the first essential steps. To make sure you are safe, your property is safe, and that you have taken charge of your interactions with your son. I think it is wise to not interfere with your husband's desire for contact but also to insist that said contact occurs away from you and away from your home. I believe that in time your son may respond positively to your boundaries by respecting them (if you steadily enforce them and keep them very clear) and eventually, seeking you out as a positive influence. Which is our only real responsibility to an adult child. Who after all is an adult, equal to ourselves; with the right to govern his own life and to experience the consequences of his choices. It is this I did not get until very recently, because I sought to protect my son, to no avail. I caused myself a great deal of damage, and did not help him one bit. They try to confound the boundaries between us, and we help them until we reach the point of no return, as have you. This is the point when a true and good relationship becomes [I][B]possible[/B][/I] between two adults, the one the parent, the other, the adult child. But only if we adhere to our convictions and maintain clearly our boundaries. It is not necessary to renounce all contact, if we choose not to. It is necessary to protect ourselves, to respect ourselves and to insist that they do the same. In this we have full control. It is terribly difficult. I am glad you found us. Keep posting. Take care. COPA [/QUOTE]
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