1 month reprieve for difficult child at private school ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Dec 7, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child, husband and I attended the mtng after school today, where they would determine if he could stay or go.
    The minute I saw that the principal was not there, I knew they would not ask him to leave. At least, not immediately.

    We have fulfilled our end of the bargain--making sure that difficult child does not miss any school, and ensuring that if he has a dr appointment or is ill, we provide a note.
    The school seems to have fulfilled their end of the bargain--teachers usually initial his daily planner, seat him near the front of the classroom, work with-him at lunch on assignments (usually with-a few other students), and often go through is backpack with him at the end of the day.

    difficult child improved in math to where he has turned in 90% of his assignments! Not in social studies, though, where he has turned in less than 50%, or religion, which is 0, or science, which is 0. :(

    husband and I were speechless when the teachers and resource teacher read the numbers. We have sat down time and again and gone over his homework with-him. Where the heck is it going? Some black hole in the universe. :ashamed:

    We asked difficult child and he was noncommittal. "I don't know."
    He kept his head down on his forearms almost the entire time. The more we talked, the redder his ears got. We really wanted him to be at the mtng so he could participate. After all, it was about him and he should have some input. But it ended up like we were just talking around and over him.

    The resource teacher asked us which way we wanted to go. She was very careful not to say, "Do you want to yank him out and send him to public school?" She simply said, "As we discussed before, which way would you like to go?"

    I told her I was undecided, because I thought his progress would be obvious one way or another--either across the board improvement or across the board failure. But he's bouncing all over the place and I don't know what to do.

    She rephrased it and asked, "Do you think he's getting his needs met here?"

    husband said, "Yes," and emphasized that he would like difficult child to continue through to the end of the yr. He really likes the religious aspects, the uniforms, and the ability of the teachers to discipline as they see fit. by the way, the out-of-uniform notice was brought up and the resource teacher shrugged her shoulders and said, "Those things happen." Clearly, she had more important things on her mind.

    At the end, when husband and I decided to sign another 1-mo-contract, difficult child was visibly shaken, and finally, I saw a tear stream down his face when his homeroom teacher said, "difficult child, we want you to stay here. We're worried about you and we care about you."

    She is a sweetie, soft voice, young, cute, single ... all the kids love her. I knew why he was crying at that point; because he'd put up a strong defense and then by being so sweet, she broke it down. (I know the feeling; there's nothing worse than having someone act nice when you're ready for a fight! :laugh:)

    Afterward, he told me that one of the reasons he was so upset was also because he knew that he wouldn't get a cell phone for his birthday. (Ah! The ultimate pragmatist! If he'd turned in 90% of the assignments across the board--never mind what the grades were--he would have gotten a phone, but he is just too easily distracted and we know it would be too expensive as he runs up a bill with-his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tendencies.)

    The new academic probation contract is similar to the old one. It carries him through the Jan. 15 interim break date, after exams.

    The teachers said that due to exams, there will be a lot of "homework" sent home in the form of study sheets, where there is a list of questions, the students answer them, get them approved by the teacher, and then study the exact same sheet. (Interesting approach; having the students answer the questions themselves is much better than just handing them a list to memorize.)

    Afterward, difficult child and I went to the grocery store, where he grabbed nearly every item and threw it in the cart, which lifted his mood considerably. He also ate quite a bit of it on the way home!

    B4 attending the mtng this a.m., I re-read the reports that the teachers had written about difficult child. They were grouped into headings of "social," "emotional," and "educational." They all agreed that difficult child has friends and talks well to people. They all agreed that he was respectful toward the teachers and not a problem in regard to conduct.
    They all agreed that he suffers from anxiety in regard to tests and cumulative educational issues, that he is very disorganized and forgetful, and has executive function issues.
    They agreed that he has very poor math skills, despite his years of training.
    They also agreed that he has no clue, idea, or sense of shame in regard to missed assignments.

    (Welcome to the world of an Aspie! :surprise:)

    His psychiatric gave me sheets to have the teachers fill out, but these reports are similar, and much more thorough, so I will make copies and give them to her. She is looking for something to give her an idea of how the medication is working.

    I was more impressed, today, reading over the comments, than I was last time. Maybe because I had distanced myself a bit.

    I don't know if I can handle the stress of doing this month-to-month. But I do like the consistency of having difficult child stay a full yr.
    on the other hand, loosening up the homework aspects would be nice, which is what our local public school would do. And I think they would build in more assistance (although I'm not sure exactly what.) And I do like the idea that we wouldn't have that tuition payment every month. :laugh:
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can definitely see the pros of him staying as well as the cons. The month by month part would be very stressful to me. The cell phone response you received from your difficult child is something that I would get from mine. Sending many hugs and good thoughts your way.

    by the way, I do the same things when I have students study for a test. First they fill out a review worksheet with questions and then they take it home to study (after we're sure all the answers are correct).
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    the month to month thing would be stressful for me, and I would have to think for your difficult child as well, especially since he has some anxiety issues.

    I think you will know in your gut when it is time to make a change, or continue. difficult child will have to be that which you measure by. You will know. It's refreshing to hear that his school is really tuned in. I wonder the difference in the follow through of handing in his assignments. Suspiciously I'm thinking a teacher issue? Not as much support for difficult child's needs perhaps?

    Hang in there!

  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    you will know in your gut when it is time to make a change, or continue.


    In regard to turning in the assigments, and the teacher support, it seems to have completely switched. First, he wasn't turning in stuff to the teacher who is hardest on him (the whiny one). Now, he has turned in most of his math, which she teaches, but none of the science, which she also teachers. He also isn't turning in assignments to the nice teacher. So I think it's just the way the wind blows on any particular day.

    I'll wait until he's calm and talk to him again about it some time.

    Oh, husband noticed that the days that difficult child hadn't turned in most assignments were Thursdays--and we typically go out to eat for our "date nights" on Wednesdays. Ergo, very little parental support on those nights. Good catch!