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11 yr old obsessed with mother
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 316641" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>My heart goes out to your son. I myself was that child. My mother was mentally ill (still never quite "stable"). I was different in that she was a single parent, so we ended up in foster care. I am sure it might have felt different if I'd had a involved father to live with. </p><p></p><p>I remember the child protection workers shaking their heads when I protected and defended my mother. Absolutly being around her was a risk to me in many ways. She was completly incapable of parenting. Yet I was a kid and not knowing anything other than that it felt like she could be a mother if I'd help her be one, I did alot of self harm in thinking that I was going to be able to do a thing to fix or cure or change her.</p><p></p><p>True healing came for me through a counsellor. It was literally like helping assist the death of a dream, a childhood unrealistic fantasy, before I could mourn the loss of a mother in the sense that other children had them. I had to let go of expectations. I had to take her off that pedestal I had placed her in, and bring myself back down to earth and see her for what she was. A seriously troubled, unstable person incapable. Not unwilling. But incapable. </p><p></p><p>I truly do believe your son would benefit from a counsellor to help him accept who is mom is and what it means for his future. He's not going to find that Cleaver Family Mom waiting for him on visits. He's not going to have it. Period. It hurts. It is a shame children ever need to face these realities. Yet in the long run, when he can accept it and heal from how bad that hurts, he'll be so much better off for it. And truthfully, I'm certain your son knows deep inside that she is what she is. But its hard as a child (heck, as an adult!) to accept that people can't love us enough to do whatever it takes to be in our lives. Its a pretty out there concept for a child to understand that some people don't have an ability to process and do something about their issues. Having someone independent to talk to that can help him come to terms with this can only benefit your son, and your family.</p><p></p><p>I wish you and your son well. No child should know this feeling. Its a shame that so many do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 316641, member: 4264"] My heart goes out to your son. I myself was that child. My mother was mentally ill (still never quite "stable"). I was different in that she was a single parent, so we ended up in foster care. I am sure it might have felt different if I'd had a involved father to live with. I remember the child protection workers shaking their heads when I protected and defended my mother. Absolutly being around her was a risk to me in many ways. She was completly incapable of parenting. Yet I was a kid and not knowing anything other than that it felt like she could be a mother if I'd help her be one, I did alot of self harm in thinking that I was going to be able to do a thing to fix or cure or change her. True healing came for me through a counsellor. It was literally like helping assist the death of a dream, a childhood unrealistic fantasy, before I could mourn the loss of a mother in the sense that other children had them. I had to let go of expectations. I had to take her off that pedestal I had placed her in, and bring myself back down to earth and see her for what she was. A seriously troubled, unstable person incapable. Not unwilling. But incapable. I truly do believe your son would benefit from a counsellor to help him accept who is mom is and what it means for his future. He's not going to find that Cleaver Family Mom waiting for him on visits. He's not going to have it. Period. It hurts. It is a shame children ever need to face these realities. Yet in the long run, when he can accept it and heal from how bad that hurts, he'll be so much better off for it. And truthfully, I'm certain your son knows deep inside that she is what she is. But its hard as a child (heck, as an adult!) to accept that people can't love us enough to do whatever it takes to be in our lives. Its a pretty out there concept for a child to understand that some people don't have an ability to process and do something about their issues. Having someone independent to talk to that can help him come to terms with this can only benefit your son, and your family. I wish you and your son well. No child should know this feeling. Its a shame that so many do. [/QUOTE]
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