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14 yr old daughter/aunt mess but no subs. abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 371675" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I wouldn't be so sure your sister even made her the offer. I'd talk to her before getting angry. Maybe she told her lies about your fiance (your daughter maybe reacting badly to him and his kids joining the family) and maybe your sister is trying to help or maybe she never even said, "You can live here." Talk to her with a quiet mind first.</p><p>I don't know much about custody battles, but I did raise five kids to age 14 (my youngest is now 14. I have the tee-shirt of survival). If your daughter started acting up at twelve, and hadn't before, it could be one of three things, in the order that I personally feel they could be. Ok, here's my list...lol.</p><p></p><p>1/Even if you don't suspect it, drugs and alcohol. They start around twelve and even earlier and if so she would want to live in t he house that is the most lenient so that s he can do these things with the least chance of having consequences if she is caught. My daughter started at 12 and, naive as I was, I didn't have a clue EVEN when she'd changed all her friends and stopped getting good grades and started mouthing off terribly. Something to consider.</p><p></p><p>2/She really doesn't like your new relationship. It may be financially good for you (and emotionally), but, as my kids have told me when I met my now husband) "we don't like him" "we didn't pick him, you did" "I will never care about him" "he's not my father" blah, blah, blah. It would have been worse if he had had children. And he was NICE to them, but they didn't want him with me. They wanted Dad with me. And if I couldn't or didn't want Dad, they were not ready for me to have ANYONE...and they weren't young at the time. They were teenagers and it wasn't fun. So how is your fiance's relationship with her and how does she likes his kids? Three kids is a lot to adjust too. My hub has worn the "I Surivived Being a Wicked Stepfather" t-shirt. We have lots of t-shirts. </p><p></p><p>3/The teen years, peer pressure, hormones...I pesonally feel this is not the reason for outright horrible behavior. Only one of my kids was horrid teen and she took drugs. The others were just sort of typical teen annoying as in "Why do you have to know if my friend's parents are home?" "You're so overprotective" "I'm mad!" (complete with slamming door), "I'll never tell you anything again (slamming door)." But there ws no violence or serious defiance and they did take discipline well and got over it fast. The problem is when you get a teen out of control. Usually this is not a typical teen and more is going on. Yes, they all say they hate us...I have heard that from all of mine...it goes in one ear and out the other...but except for the druggie teen, I knew they didn't mean it and they were loving more often than hateful.</p><p></p><p>So you have to sort out what is going on. Her life is pretty crazy now and she could be acting out in ways that you don't know. Kids can be very sneaky and because we love them so much, sometimes (like me) we don't always want to face it.</p><p></p><p>I wish you all the luck in the world. You have your hands full. Do what YOUR gut tells you is right for her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 371675, member: 1550"] I wouldn't be so sure your sister even made her the offer. I'd talk to her before getting angry. Maybe she told her lies about your fiance (your daughter maybe reacting badly to him and his kids joining the family) and maybe your sister is trying to help or maybe she never even said, "You can live here." Talk to her with a quiet mind first. I don't know much about custody battles, but I did raise five kids to age 14 (my youngest is now 14. I have the tee-shirt of survival). If your daughter started acting up at twelve, and hadn't before, it could be one of three things, in the order that I personally feel they could be. Ok, here's my list...lol. 1/Even if you don't suspect it, drugs and alcohol. They start around twelve and even earlier and if so she would want to live in t he house that is the most lenient so that s he can do these things with the least chance of having consequences if she is caught. My daughter started at 12 and, naive as I was, I didn't have a clue EVEN when she'd changed all her friends and stopped getting good grades and started mouthing off terribly. Something to consider. 2/She really doesn't like your new relationship. It may be financially good for you (and emotionally), but, as my kids have told me when I met my now husband) "we don't like him" "we didn't pick him, you did" "I will never care about him" "he's not my father" blah, blah, blah. It would have been worse if he had had children. And he was NICE to them, but they didn't want him with me. They wanted Dad with me. And if I couldn't or didn't want Dad, they were not ready for me to have ANYONE...and they weren't young at the time. They were teenagers and it wasn't fun. So how is your fiance's relationship with her and how does she likes his kids? Three kids is a lot to adjust too. My hub has worn the "I Surivived Being a Wicked Stepfather" t-shirt. We have lots of t-shirts. 3/The teen years, peer pressure, hormones...I pesonally feel this is not the reason for outright horrible behavior. Only one of my kids was horrid teen and she took drugs. The others were just sort of typical teen annoying as in "Why do you have to know if my friend's parents are home?" "You're so overprotective" "I'm mad!" (complete with slamming door), "I'll never tell you anything again (slamming door)." But there ws no violence or serious defiance and they did take discipline well and got over it fast. The problem is when you get a teen out of control. Usually this is not a typical teen and more is going on. Yes, they all say they hate us...I have heard that from all of mine...it goes in one ear and out the other...but except for the druggie teen, I knew they didn't mean it and they were loving more often than hateful. So you have to sort out what is going on. Her life is pretty crazy now and she could be acting out in ways that you don't know. Kids can be very sneaky and because we love them so much, sometimes (like me) we don't always want to face it. I wish you all the luck in the world. You have your hands full. Do what YOUR gut tells you is right for her. [/QUOTE]
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