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15 year old daughter now sexually active and I don't know how to handle this!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 464479" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! This is a tough time for a parent. You truly cannot keep someone from having sex unless you are prepared to keep them in a locked facility and even that isn't always effective. I would insist on a visit with a gynecologist, complete with pelvic exam because that is what a responsible person does when they are sexually active. She should like the doctor. My daughter had problems and had to see a gyn long before this was even a remote issue, and I put a note in the file that they ahve permission to treat my daughter whether I am there or not. Our gyn would do it anyway if the teen got herself there, but having permission from me makes it easier on them. My daughter hasn't needed it, is dealing with major health issue and not boys. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if I would tell my husband or not, even though we are not separated by many miles. Some things are between females, and I guess it would depend on how I thought he would react.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter does have to take responsibility for her health, and a gyn appointment would help this. You may want to consider the depo provera shot - it gives 3 months of birth control coverage, though no STD coverage. If she hasn't had the gardasil shot series, that is also important to help prevent HPV - which causes genital warts and cervical cancer. Those are things she has to think of now. </p><p></p><p>I would say that since she has chosen this step into the adult world,then she needs to take other adult responsibilities around the home. But that is OUR view on it, and may not be yours, which is okay. </p><p></p><p>It isn't easy to realize your teen is maturing this way,e sp when you KNOW that she isn't ready to be a parent or necessarily to take the steps to not become a parent.</p><p></p><p>The other issue I see is your reading her facebook. in my opinion she is not an adult living in her own home paying her own bills. My kids are fully aware that they ahve no privacy if I want to see something in their room, their online world, or any other aspect of their lives. Not as long as they are minors living in my home. I can search anything I want to, take away anything I don't want them to have - regardless of who coughed up the $$ to pay for it. Does not matter what it is - clothing, photos, books, electronics, they are my children, it is my job to protect them and keep them safe and there is NOTHING I will not yank out of their lives if it is causing a real problem and it is not okay for them to have. My kids have all known I will unplug them from all electronics if they overtake our lives, will read their diaries and facebook and emails.</p><p></p><p>In fact, my kids don't have online things I don't ahve passwords to. Read the thread in the watercooler about sexting. What is done online today will be there in twenty years when she wants a promotion and has her own kids. She could face criminal charges for sending a picture of her body to someone using ANY format - child pornography charges. This is stuff you must speak with her about. It is your JOB to keep her safe, as much as possible. in my opinion that means reading her facebook as often as you see fit - and if she wants "privacy", well, she can earn that by behaving appropriately online, in the offline world, sexually and every other way. Period. </p><p></p><p>I know others don't agree wth this necessarily, but it seems to be working with my kids at home. I actually don't search their stuff or read emails or whatever unless I get that feeling that something is off. then? they can object but it means taht I get more suspicious - and my kids do NOT want that. </p><p></p><p>I hope you can figure out how to handle this in line with your family's values and beliefs. I would insist on monitoring her facebook, email, twitter, etc... for the simple reason that she did NOT take the mature steps to see a doctor before she had sex. If she wants to have adult privileges, then she needs to prove she can handle them, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>SOrry if I rambled, it is later than I knew and I jsut got very tired all of a sudden. I totally understand that our way is not for every family - and I will support whatever you choose to do in this situation!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 464479, member: 1233"] Welcome! This is a tough time for a parent. You truly cannot keep someone from having sex unless you are prepared to keep them in a locked facility and even that isn't always effective. I would insist on a visit with a gynecologist, complete with pelvic exam because that is what a responsible person does when they are sexually active. She should like the doctor. My daughter had problems and had to see a gyn long before this was even a remote issue, and I put a note in the file that they ahve permission to treat my daughter whether I am there or not. Our gyn would do it anyway if the teen got herself there, but having permission from me makes it easier on them. My daughter hasn't needed it, is dealing with major health issue and not boys. I don't know if I would tell my husband or not, even though we are not separated by many miles. Some things are between females, and I guess it would depend on how I thought he would react. Your daughter does have to take responsibility for her health, and a gyn appointment would help this. You may want to consider the depo provera shot - it gives 3 months of birth control coverage, though no STD coverage. If she hasn't had the gardasil shot series, that is also important to help prevent HPV - which causes genital warts and cervical cancer. Those are things she has to think of now. I would say that since she has chosen this step into the adult world,then she needs to take other adult responsibilities around the home. But that is OUR view on it, and may not be yours, which is okay. It isn't easy to realize your teen is maturing this way,e sp when you KNOW that she isn't ready to be a parent or necessarily to take the steps to not become a parent. The other issue I see is your reading her facebook. in my opinion she is not an adult living in her own home paying her own bills. My kids are fully aware that they ahve no privacy if I want to see something in their room, their online world, or any other aspect of their lives. Not as long as they are minors living in my home. I can search anything I want to, take away anything I don't want them to have - regardless of who coughed up the $$ to pay for it. Does not matter what it is - clothing, photos, books, electronics, they are my children, it is my job to protect them and keep them safe and there is NOTHING I will not yank out of their lives if it is causing a real problem and it is not okay for them to have. My kids have all known I will unplug them from all electronics if they overtake our lives, will read their diaries and facebook and emails. In fact, my kids don't have online things I don't ahve passwords to. Read the thread in the watercooler about sexting. What is done online today will be there in twenty years when she wants a promotion and has her own kids. She could face criminal charges for sending a picture of her body to someone using ANY format - child pornography charges. This is stuff you must speak with her about. It is your JOB to keep her safe, as much as possible. in my opinion that means reading her facebook as often as you see fit - and if she wants "privacy", well, she can earn that by behaving appropriately online, in the offline world, sexually and every other way. Period. I know others don't agree wth this necessarily, but it seems to be working with my kids at home. I actually don't search their stuff or read emails or whatever unless I get that feeling that something is off. then? they can object but it means taht I get more suspicious - and my kids do NOT want that. I hope you can figure out how to handle this in line with your family's values and beliefs. I would insist on monitoring her facebook, email, twitter, etc... for the simple reason that she did NOT take the mature steps to see a doctor before she had sex. If she wants to have adult privileges, then she needs to prove she can handle them, Know what I mean?? SOrry if I rambled, it is later than I knew and I jsut got very tired all of a sudden. I totally understand that our way is not for every family - and I will support whatever you choose to do in this situation! [/QUOTE]
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15 year old daughter now sexually active and I don't know how to handle this!
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