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General Parenting
15 year old daughter now sexually active and I don't know how to handle this!
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 464568" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">I agree with most everything that has been said below.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">1. Make a Dr's appointment pronto and discuss a form of BC (for preventing pregnancy) that works with your daughter's lifestyle (meaning, will she be able to remember taking the pill, etc. - there are other options) and take her to buy condoms to have on hand to prevent STDs, etc.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">2. Be as open and honest with her about the responsibilities that come with adult activities. They all want to be grown ups, but so few of them realize the responsibilities that go with those choices.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">3. I did not tell my H for some time. Mainly because it was a mutual decision between my daughters and me. When I felt the time was right, I told my H. He was not happy but respected the fact that it was my daughters' decisions and relied on me to relay any of his thoughts to them, which in our case was primarily about protecting against pregnancy and disease. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">The primary component of my discussions with my daughters (<strong>prior and following their sexual activity</strong>) focused on caring for their bodies in a healthy way, knowing it was okay to refuse sexual activity, EVEN if they had said yes in the past. They are allowed to choose when it's okay with them and when it's not. IOW, don't think that because they said okay last Saturday, they always have to just go along with it. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">We also discussed personal hygiene and preventing odor and Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)'s by practicing regular personal hygiene. I bought them individually wrapped feminine wipes to keep in their purses.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">And I really stressed how [I feel] sexual activity changes a relationship, especially for young women. I'm not saying that boys do not become emotionally attached to their girl, but for girls, it really does change their expectations in the relationship and they should be aware of that. Also, boys do not seem to consider discretion when sharing with their buds about how 'they got some last night' whereas girls tend to over-romantisize the sex more than boys.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">For your own peace of mind and to help you deal with your daughter's budding sexuality, it would probably help you to seek out someone with whom you are comfortable discussing the matter. Realizing that we are all sexual beings and all choose to act on that at different times in our lives will help you to be less judgmental of your daughter's actions. Just because she's had sex does not mean she will sleep around. Nor does it mean she will be perceieved as being 'easy'. Sex is natural and it's a part of our makeup, you've just hit another milestone in your daughter's life. She knows you love her and you know you love her. All you can do from here on in is be there for her and protect her the best you can and the first step is getting her medical attention to ensure that she understands how to protect herself. I know some people are on the fence about the Gardisil vaccine - and that's their choice. I chose to have my girls vaccinated. My H was against it. In particular, with my difficult child, it was a no-brainer. With easy child, I had some reservations, but am glad that she did, in fact, get the vaccine. It is unrealistic in today's world to believe that our daughter's will be with only one person and there are no guarantees that they will be with a person who hasn't had more than one partner prior. It's about preventive care, in my opinion. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Big hugs, you will get through this. It's not as horrible as it seems and you will be have bigger issues between now and when your daughter is on her own. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 464568, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#008080][SIZE=2]I agree with most everything that has been said below. 1. Make a Dr's appointment pronto and discuss a form of BC (for preventing pregnancy) that works with your daughter's lifestyle (meaning, will she be able to remember taking the pill, etc. - there are other options) and take her to buy condoms to have on hand to prevent STDs, etc. 2. Be as open and honest with her about the responsibilities that come with adult activities. They all want to be grown ups, but so few of them realize the responsibilities that go with those choices. 3. I did not tell my H for some time. Mainly because it was a mutual decision between my daughters and me. When I felt the time was right, I told my H. He was not happy but respected the fact that it was my daughters' decisions and relied on me to relay any of his thoughts to them, which in our case was primarily about protecting against pregnancy and disease. The primary component of my discussions with my daughters ([B]prior and following their sexual activity[/B]) focused on caring for their bodies in a healthy way, knowing it was okay to refuse sexual activity, EVEN if they had said yes in the past. They are allowed to choose when it's okay with them and when it's not. IOW, don't think that because they said okay last Saturday, they always have to just go along with it. We also discussed personal hygiene and preventing odor and Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)'s by practicing regular personal hygiene. I bought them individually wrapped feminine wipes to keep in their purses. And I really stressed how [I feel] sexual activity changes a relationship, especially for young women. I'm not saying that boys do not become emotionally attached to their girl, but for girls, it really does change their expectations in the relationship and they should be aware of that. Also, boys do not seem to consider discretion when sharing with their buds about how 'they got some last night' whereas girls tend to over-romantisize the sex more than boys. For your own peace of mind and to help you deal with your daughter's budding sexuality, it would probably help you to seek out someone with whom you are comfortable discussing the matter. Realizing that we are all sexual beings and all choose to act on that at different times in our lives will help you to be less judgmental of your daughter's actions. Just because she's had sex does not mean she will sleep around. Nor does it mean she will be perceieved as being 'easy'. Sex is natural and it's a part of our makeup, you've just hit another milestone in your daughter's life. She knows you love her and you know you love her. All you can do from here on in is be there for her and protect her the best you can and the first step is getting her medical attention to ensure that she understands how to protect herself. I know some people are on the fence about the Gardisil vaccine - and that's their choice. I chose to have my girls vaccinated. My H was against it. In particular, with my difficult child, it was a no-brainer. With easy child, I had some reservations, but am glad that she did, in fact, get the vaccine. It is unrealistic in today's world to believe that our daughter's will be with only one person and there are no guarantees that they will be with a person who hasn't had more than one partner prior. It's about preventive care, in my opinion. Big hugs, you will get through this. It's not as horrible as it seems and you will be have bigger issues between now and when your daughter is on her own. [/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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15 year old daughter now sexually active and I don't know how to handle this!
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