16 year old Boy issues.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jimbhd, Mar 24, 2014.

  1. Jimbhd

    Jimbhd New Member

    My 16 year old recently received a car from his Grand Mother in which his and Grand Mother conspired against his Mom and Myself to move him in with her and move out of our home. He told us he was leaving and we told him, he was not. He then proceeded to leave. The next day he met with his counselor and told her that we beat him and each other. Child Services showed up at our home where we also have a 10 year old and a 5 year old. She met with us and we told her what was occuring. She told us to call the Sheriff and make him come home and take away the car. (He admitted that he said those things because he was angry and his Grand Mother convinced him that if he did that, he would get to live with her.) We did and now he is more angry because his Grand Mother will not give him the car back as long as he lives with us and he can't see his girl friend anymore. This has been a very difficult time for us and his response is " it's not like I am on drugs". But his behavior is terrible and the disrespect for us in our home is over the top. He want's us to let him see his Girlfriend for her 16th birthday on Friday but we are not sure that's a good idea. What should we do? The Child Protection worker told us he should not be around her because she was only 15 and he is 16. I don't want him suicidal.....
    Very frustrated and confused parent.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and sorry for your hurting heart. Gotta tellya, Grandma sounds like a real winner (haha). I do have a few questions. Obviously your son is being manipulative, but why can't he see his girlfriend? I'm in the dark with that. Are they sexual? My kids were allowed to date at fourteen and nobody got pregnant. Heck, kids who aren't allowed to date often are the ones who sneak and DO get pregnant. Unless CPS is going to be monitoring you, I would let your son see his girlfriend, unless you are taking away that privilege as a consequence for what he did to you. I can't see this one year age difference as a big deal.

    As for Grandma, she is in my opinion nutty. Your son will have to learn that he can't control other people, including this rather vicious seeming grandma who bribes teens with cars to get them to live with her.

    I would be the most concerned about your son's false abuse allegation against you. The kid needs help, and to stay away from his grandma, if anyone. That is a very vicious allegation he made that could have resulted in the losee to you of your two younger kids. Plus they don't need to see him acting up like that.

    Has your son been evaluated by a neuropsychologist? Any diagnoses? Any way to limit all of you from grandma? I would go silent on her. What a troublemaker (sorry, can't wrap my mind about that sort of a control freak).
     
  3. Jimbhd

    Jimbhd New Member

    Thank You MidWest Mom. You nailed it pretty much. My Mom, his Grandma has a Personality Disorder and is Bi-Polar. We are now staying away from her and are not letting the kids around her. We had just started speaking with her again after a 4 year stint of not having any communication with her. The Child Protection Worker said that being the girlfriend is 15 and he is 16, the girl is not at the age of consent, because I did find them in the bed together on several occasions and they swear they weren't having sex. He has told me " We are gonna do stuff but we have both decided we aren't having sex until we are out on our own". I have told him that sounds all well but in the heat of the moment, things happen. Of course I don't know anything.... The Child Protective investigator has 45 days to close her case and this happened 2 and a half weeks ago. I have not heard back from her as of yet, so I am afraid to let him be around his girlfriend until all of this is cleared up. I have told him, "You are the one who put us in this situation." So right now, I dont know what to do because he has really put us in a tough spot and completely broken my heart. :(
     
  4. justour2boys

    justour2boys Momto2Boys

    Just a thought... does bring "around" the girlfriend for her birthday have to be an all or nothing issue? Meaning, have the family or families involved.... everyone go out to pizza or bowling or mini golf or go to the park for a bbq. You get the idea. Have both teens (and both set of families) do something together so everyone involved is supervised but they still get to celebrate. If the girlfriend's family doesn't want to be involved, then you and/or his Mom take him and the girlfriend out - so again, they are celebrating, just doing it supervised! This could help reinforce the limits and supervision on the teens relationship.

    As for the grandmother, oh my! Interfering with the parent/child relationship is a deal breaker for me. Sounds like she needs supervised visits much like the teen! Respect me as a parent or no access to my kids, period... but thats just me. Good luck, I know setting limits with adults can be harder than with teens!
     
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