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Substance Abuse
16 year old daughter using?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 600702" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, I had a daughter who used drugs too and I'll tell you how I confronted her. You can do it another way, but I didn't see any need to be delicate about it. I would show her the evidence and say, "What's this?" I even called the cops on her once. by the way, expect her to lie to you. "It's not mine! Somebody must have planted it on me" or "I'm holding it for a friend" are two extremely popular lies they tell us.</p><p></p><p>You have two years to do something. I don't know if you can. My daughter had to be shown t he door when she kept doing it past eighteen and my two little ones knew it and the police dropped by a few times terrifying the younger kids. My daughter quit drugs at age nineteen and she was pretty into everything too. This is what we did and it couldn't have been bad because things ended up good, fortunately (I thought she'd end up in jail or dead). </p><p></p><p>First of all, has your daughter lost any weight? Does she stay up during the night and try to sleep during the day? This is common because they use the drugs while we sleep then often are tired when the drugs wear off during the day or, as my daughter has told me, they take tranquilizers so that they can sleep and often it's during the day. Weight loss is a red flag for Meth and speed, such as any ADHD drug being abused. They cut them up in pillcrushers and snort them alone or with things like cocaine. So once we found out about the drug use, and the extent of it we did not know, we searched her room all the time, tried to keep her in at night (not easy) and stopped all the money. We made sure she had clothes and food and everything else was on her dime because she used everything else to buy drugs. She did get a job at sixteen and I think that helped her in the long haul because she has a good work ethic, however I'm sure she used some of her work money to buy drugs. But it least it wasn't our money. We did not let her drive our vehicles after she cracked one up (this was before we knew she was using again). We did not want to pay even one penny to help her drug life. There were no drug tests then or we would have used them, however they are unreliable.</p><p></p><p>If you suspect something's up, it probably is. Do you know who her friends are? Do they seem like good kids? Usually druggies hang with others who do the same. How are the school grades? How is her attitude? </p><p></p><p>If you can, I would get her into a treatment program, although I'm not convinced they are very helpful unless the person wants to quit. But at sixteen it is almost impossible not to want to try everything we can do. When they turn eighteen, we have no legal rights to our grown children.</p><p></p><p>One last thing. Take good care of yourself. And to learn how to do this while your child is struggling, please do yourself a favor a nd try a nar-anon or Al-anon meeting, even if you sit there without talking or even if you are not religious. It is a philosophy that is not only for religious people. It teachers us moms how to actually take good care of ourselves and have good times while our children are in crisis. It teaches us how to detach and explains how we can not control our children...we can not really control anyone except ourselves. I honestly didn't know that until I started going to a group called Codependents Anonymous. I thought my behavior and actions could change other people. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are going through this. It was just awful for me so I know how it is for you. We are here to listen and try to advise you...take what you like and leave the rest.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 600702, member: 1550"] Well, I had a daughter who used drugs too and I'll tell you how I confronted her. You can do it another way, but I didn't see any need to be delicate about it. I would show her the evidence and say, "What's this?" I even called the cops on her once. by the way, expect her to lie to you. "It's not mine! Somebody must have planted it on me" or "I'm holding it for a friend" are two extremely popular lies they tell us. You have two years to do something. I don't know if you can. My daughter had to be shown t he door when she kept doing it past eighteen and my two little ones knew it and the police dropped by a few times terrifying the younger kids. My daughter quit drugs at age nineteen and she was pretty into everything too. This is what we did and it couldn't have been bad because things ended up good, fortunately (I thought she'd end up in jail or dead). First of all, has your daughter lost any weight? Does she stay up during the night and try to sleep during the day? This is common because they use the drugs while we sleep then often are tired when the drugs wear off during the day or, as my daughter has told me, they take tranquilizers so that they can sleep and often it's during the day. Weight loss is a red flag for Meth and speed, such as any ADHD drug being abused. They cut them up in pillcrushers and snort them alone or with things like cocaine. So once we found out about the drug use, and the extent of it we did not know, we searched her room all the time, tried to keep her in at night (not easy) and stopped all the money. We made sure she had clothes and food and everything else was on her dime because she used everything else to buy drugs. She did get a job at sixteen and I think that helped her in the long haul because she has a good work ethic, however I'm sure she used some of her work money to buy drugs. But it least it wasn't our money. We did not let her drive our vehicles after she cracked one up (this was before we knew she was using again). We did not want to pay even one penny to help her drug life. There were no drug tests then or we would have used them, however they are unreliable. If you suspect something's up, it probably is. Do you know who her friends are? Do they seem like good kids? Usually druggies hang with others who do the same. How are the school grades? How is her attitude? If you can, I would get her into a treatment program, although I'm not convinced they are very helpful unless the person wants to quit. But at sixteen it is almost impossible not to want to try everything we can do. When they turn eighteen, we have no legal rights to our grown children. One last thing. Take good care of yourself. And to learn how to do this while your child is struggling, please do yourself a favor a nd try a nar-anon or Al-anon meeting, even if you sit there without talking or even if you are not religious. It is a philosophy that is not only for religious people. It teachers us moms how to actually take good care of ourselves and have good times while our children are in crisis. It teaches us how to detach and explains how we can not control our children...we can not really control anyone except ourselves. I honestly didn't know that until I started going to a group called Codependents Anonymous. I thought my behavior and actions could change other people. I am so sorry you are going through this. It was just awful for me so I know how it is for you. We are here to listen and try to advise you...take what you like and leave the rest. [/QUOTE]
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