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17 y/o son newly diagnosed ODD and moved out...dont know how to help
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 731420" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Hi there JStreet,</p><p></p><p>It has been a few days. How are you doing?</p><p></p><p>I also wanted to add on to my first reply to your post, because it resonates with me. As I mentioned earlier, I have two stepsons and your child sounds a lot like the oldest stepson. I have not posted much about him recently because we do not see or speak to him by his choice. He is almost exactly the same age as your son, 17.5 years. He does not live with us, he lives with his other biological parent, who is a codependent mess and enables both of my stepsons totally.</p><p></p><p>What I wanted to say was....your son's personality and temperament are not your fault. Every parent makes mistakes, no parent is perfect. Perhaps looking back you would change a few things - we all can say that. But from what you describe, he is a very difficult person and always was, from the time he was small. My oldest stepson was the exact same way - kicked out of preschool for not following directions, the list goes on and on and on. I did not enter his life until he was 13 but I know from what I've been told, he had issues almost from Day One. </p><p></p><p>You did not make your son mentally ill. Nothing you did could have caused his problems. Many children are horribly abused (not to say you abused your son, just an example) and are the sweetest, gentlest, kindest people in the world. The treatment they received did not fundamentally change who they are as people. The same is true of your son. Even if you were the perfect parent, and nobody is, he would still be the same way.</p><p></p><p>In my case, as I have grown older I have found that I share many, many personality characteristics with my late father, who was abusive to me growing up. These characteristics are actually very positive and come to me quite naturally. He certainly never taught me these things, they are just part of my genetic makeup. I suspect the same is true of your son. </p><p></p><p>Give yourself a break, and if possible, consider eliminating or at least greatly reducing the amount of time you spend around people who do not support you. That is the last thing you need.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 731420, member: 13303"] Hi there JStreet, It has been a few days. How are you doing? I also wanted to add on to my first reply to your post, because it resonates with me. As I mentioned earlier, I have two stepsons and your child sounds a lot like the oldest stepson. I have not posted much about him recently because we do not see or speak to him by his choice. He is almost exactly the same age as your son, 17.5 years. He does not live with us, he lives with his other biological parent, who is a codependent mess and enables both of my stepsons totally. What I wanted to say was....your son's personality and temperament are not your fault. Every parent makes mistakes, no parent is perfect. Perhaps looking back you would change a few things - we all can say that. But from what you describe, he is a very difficult person and always was, from the time he was small. My oldest stepson was the exact same way - kicked out of preschool for not following directions, the list goes on and on and on. I did not enter his life until he was 13 but I know from what I've been told, he had issues almost from Day One. You did not make your son mentally ill. Nothing you did could have caused his problems. Many children are horribly abused (not to say you abused your son, just an example) and are the sweetest, gentlest, kindest people in the world. The treatment they received did not fundamentally change who they are as people. The same is true of your son. Even if you were the perfect parent, and nobody is, he would still be the same way. In my case, as I have grown older I have found that I share many, many personality characteristics with my late father, who was abusive to me growing up. These characteristics are actually very positive and come to me quite naturally. He certainly never taught me these things, they are just part of my genetic makeup. I suspect the same is true of your son. Give yourself a break, and if possible, consider eliminating or at least greatly reducing the amount of time you spend around people who do not support you. That is the last thing you need. [/QUOTE]
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17 y/o son newly diagnosed ODD and moved out...dont know how to help
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