17 year old out of control help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by morena100, Jul 7, 2011.

  1. morena100

    morena100 New Member

    I got to start by saying that after reading some of the posts i already feel that i am not alone.i have three kids my first is my nightmare, at his age he is doing pot and now during summer getting drunk at least three nights per week, i got him a job working with his step dad cleaning cars he does not want to go. In two weeks he only went two times, he was arrested for pom about a month ago, i told him i dont have money for a lawyer he was gonna have to work to pay for it, he didn't, last night he came home abouth five thirty in the morning ringing the bell like crazy woke up my disable child who is four yers old and very tuff to put to sleep, he was having a fight with his girl friend and was drunk causing her out and been very loud outside my house. At that time i sent him to bed, and today around ten had a serious talk with him about kicking him out of the house if i see him drunk one more time, i dont know if i did right he is not eighteen yet, but i am tire of his behaviour he is been going to court, but does not want to change, he said he already stopped smoking pot but i doubt it, he lies a lot, does not want to do anything around the house all he does is sleep during the day and at night he leaves the house and comes in the morning, i dont know what to do help!!!!!
  2. MidwestMom

    MidwestMom Well-Known Member

    Hi there.
    I have been in your place. I had a daughter who did drugs. Warnings: Kids may cop to using pot (and they are ALWAYs quitting (wink) ) but your son's behavior sounds like how my daughter acted when she used drugs. Sleeping all day is kind of a red flag that he is getting high at night on more than just pot and sleeping all day. Or maybe taking drugs that make him tired. Has he ever gone for help and does he have a diagnosis?

    I don't know if you can kick him out at seventeen, but you can definitely do it at eighteen. Why was he out so late? I used to call the cops on my daughter if I couldn't find her after curfew and they'd bring her home. We had to put bars on her window because she crept out her window at night until we did that.

    At eighteen we made her leave and she put in a frantic call to her straight arrow bro who lives in Illinois asking if she could stay there. He say yes and came to get her, but he laid down harsh rules which she followed (why couldn't she have followed OUR rules?) At any rate, she quit the drug use and other partying behaviors so there IS hope. However, at his age it pretty much has to be his decision.

    He is living in YOUR house. If he is violating YOUR rules, he needs to know that he will have to find other lodgings on his eighteenth birthday. Until then, I wouldn't allow him to disturb your house that late at night without calling the cops. Kids who use drugs most often don't respond to softness...they do better with tough love.

    You may want to go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting to talk to other parents about him in real life. That helped me a lot when I thought I was being mean and the worst mother on earth.

    Hugs, and glad you found us (sorry you had to).

    Others will also come along.
  3. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Not for sure but I think you can emancipate him at 17 and make him responsible for himself. Been a long time since I had a 17 yr old in the house and with both my boys now being 10 I do worry about what will happen when they are 16 and 17....ACK
    Will pray for you, about all I can do.
  4. round & round we go

    round & round we go New Member

    You said he had been going to court? You weren't required to go with him? Is he on probation? If he were on probation for his arrest you could contact his probation officer when he goes off at night drinking and partying. My almost 17 year old was pulling the same things with her pot smoking, out of control behaviours and it kept going until there was actual violence in the household because of her. She would attack if I tried to keep her from going out with her druggy friends. After about seven runaway charges against her, she was sent off to her first visit in the juvenile jail and then six months of probation. Long story short she is back in there again so I am on the same rocky boat ride as you.
    You can not legally kick him out at 17. Meaning you can ask him to go, or even if he goes on his own, if he were to get into any legal trouble, you can be held responsible. Set a curfew for him and remind him of it every time he steps outside the house, if he is so much as fifteen minutes late, call and report him missing/runaway. That not only will eventually land him back into the court system but more importantly it covers you in case he does something dumb while out such as getting drunk, gets in an accident etc etc. I learned this the hard way but calling the police to file a report cost nothing but your time and after a while they will even take the report over the phone (yea I kind of became a frequent customer of the local police department) These things were never covered in any of the parenting books we have all read so it's more or less, learn as you go. Have to say though, this is the best site I have ever been on. Lots of helpful advice and no one downing you for the actions of your child or you. Hang in there, sounds like your gonna have a rough ride for a while....sending ya hugs and best wishes.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Unfortunately, I had pretty much the same experience with my 17 year old. She was taking off for days at a time, coming home only to eat, sleep and perhaps do some laundry and then she was right back out again. She would come home and crash for two to three days and we were dumb enough to think it was just laziness. But, we found out it was due to using crystal meth. We have been through sheer he!! around here ever since. She has been on probation for sheesh almost two years now maybe more? She has a warrant out for her, etc. The court system is a JOKE. They do nothing. I am the only one that has ever been inconvenienced with her probation. Certainly not her.
    Anyway, I digress. Back in February, she was home for the day so I brought her to a state park to finish out her community service hours. While she was gone, I set up an interview for her for when she was finished. It was spinning a sign, 40 hours a week in the next town over. I was sooo excited. I texted her and told her I would go up to her room and grab an outfit for her to change in to when I picked her up. I went upstairs and opened her drawer and found a black pouch. Inside it was a meth pipe with tons of white powder inside. My 13 year old son was right across the hall! When I confronted her with it, she was mad I went through her things. I then gave her an ultimatum and told her if she wanted to continue living here she had to attend rehab first. She refused and has been gone ever since.
    I talk to her once in a while. Lately, she has been pretty much ignoring me. I still pay for her cell phone because it is the one thing I have that lets me know she is alive every day. I still offer rehab. I offer rehab and then sober living. I would pay for it in a heartbeat!! But one thing I know is that she cannot live here. She has not asked to, either. Today, I am officially packing up her room. Took the day off to do it. I am THAT certain she will not live here again. But I will support her every step of the way if she decides to do the right thing.
    (((HUGS))) it is not an easy road and I still hurt every day. I still cry for her. I still pray for her. And I continue hoping that she will tire of life on the run and do the right thing.