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17 yr old daughter with ODD, YIKES
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<blockquote data-quote="MyFriendKita" data-source="post: 342762" data-attributes="member: 4888"><p>We had similar problems with our son when he was 15-18. I don't agree with waiting for your daughter to quit drugs and decide she wants help before you do anything. When we were having problems with our son, I can tell you, that never would have happened. He just wanted us to butt out of his life so he could do what he wanted. We got my son involved with the juvenile justice system, which I wouldn't recommend to anyone, but sometimes it's the lesser of two evils. In our case, I was afraid my son was going to be badly hurt or he was going to hurt someone else, because he was so out of control. You might be able to get some ideas about what you can do by going to your police station and talking to them about your situation. Our local police were very helpful, but we live in a small town. I realize they might not be so helpful in a larger city.</p><p></p><p>We did call the police every time our son left without our permission. Most of the time, I knew exactly where he was, and the police would go and bring him back. He did take off once and we didn't know where he was--we reported him as a runaway. He came back on his own, but that got him locked up in juvenile detention, since we had to notify the police when he came back home.</p><p></p><p>We never turned him in for drugs, but we made him think we would. You can have your child drug tested at any walk-in clinic. In this state, the child does have to agree to the testing, but we told our son if he didn't comply, we would have his probation officer order the testing. If we found any drugs around the house, they got flushed. It might not have stopped him from doing drugs, but it did stop him from bringing anything in our house. We searched his room while he was at school to make sure nothing was hidden there. I wouldn't even allow him to have any drug symbols (for example, he brought home a candle shaped like a pot leaf, and I threw it away. Another time it was a t-shirt with a pot leaf on it). That might sound like we were going way overboard, but we wanted to make it clear we did not approve of illegal drug use. We did let him smoke cigarettes; at that point, that was a minor issue.</p><p></p><p>We also spent a lot of time checking up on our son. If he was supposed to be at X's house, we would go to X's house to make sure. He wasn't always where he was supposed to be, but he knew we would go knocking on the doors of all of his friends and involve the police if we had to.</p><p></p><p>The most important thing we did was have our son evaluated by a psychiatrist. We had to decide if he was just being a bratty, out-of-control teen, or if there was a reason for his behavior. We chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. Our son was diagnosis bipolar and put on a mood stabilizer, which made all the difference in the world. I'm not saying your daughter does or doesn't have a mental health problem, but if she does, nothing is going to change until she gets the correct diagnosis and treatment. But you definitely do have time to try and do something to change things without waiting for her to decide what's in her best interest. At 17, she's still under your control, even if it doesn't seem like it. Therapy never helped my son, either, but he complied with it because we forced it. He wanted to drive, so refusing therapy meant no car. Treatment did help, and he complied with that as well because we forced it. Once again, no medications meant no car.</p><p></p><p>All of this was extremely difficult on all of us, and I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anyone, but this was our child, and we felt like we had to go to the lengths we did for him. It did pay off. I wouldn't call him a success story (yet), but he does stay out of trouble, doesn't do drugs, and is trying to go back to school (he did get his GED). He doesn't have a steady job, but he's looking. And he actually, occasionally, asks for our advice on things and wants to spend time with us. There was a time when he couldn't stand us, and the feeling was mutual.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MyFriendKita, post: 342762, member: 4888"] We had similar problems with our son when he was 15-18. I don't agree with waiting for your daughter to quit drugs and decide she wants help before you do anything. When we were having problems with our son, I can tell you, that never would have happened. He just wanted us to butt out of his life so he could do what he wanted. We got my son involved with the juvenile justice system, which I wouldn't recommend to anyone, but sometimes it's the lesser of two evils. In our case, I was afraid my son was going to be badly hurt or he was going to hurt someone else, because he was so out of control. You might be able to get some ideas about what you can do by going to your police station and talking to them about your situation. Our local police were very helpful, but we live in a small town. I realize they might not be so helpful in a larger city. We did call the police every time our son left without our permission. Most of the time, I knew exactly where he was, and the police would go and bring him back. He did take off once and we didn't know where he was--we reported him as a runaway. He came back on his own, but that got him locked up in juvenile detention, since we had to notify the police when he came back home. We never turned him in for drugs, but we made him think we would. You can have your child drug tested at any walk-in clinic. In this state, the child does have to agree to the testing, but we told our son if he didn't comply, we would have his probation officer order the testing. If we found any drugs around the house, they got flushed. It might not have stopped him from doing drugs, but it did stop him from bringing anything in our house. We searched his room while he was at school to make sure nothing was hidden there. I wouldn't even allow him to have any drug symbols (for example, he brought home a candle shaped like a pot leaf, and I threw it away. Another time it was a t-shirt with a pot leaf on it). That might sound like we were going way overboard, but we wanted to make it clear we did not approve of illegal drug use. We did let him smoke cigarettes; at that point, that was a minor issue. We also spent a lot of time checking up on our son. If he was supposed to be at X's house, we would go to X's house to make sure. He wasn't always where he was supposed to be, but he knew we would go knocking on the doors of all of his friends and involve the police if we had to. The most important thing we did was have our son evaluated by a psychiatrist. We had to decide if he was just being a bratty, out-of-control teen, or if there was a reason for his behavior. We chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. Our son was diagnosis bipolar and put on a mood stabilizer, which made all the difference in the world. I'm not saying your daughter does or doesn't have a mental health problem, but if she does, nothing is going to change until she gets the correct diagnosis and treatment. But you definitely do have time to try and do something to change things without waiting for her to decide what's in her best interest. At 17, she's still under your control, even if it doesn't seem like it. Therapy never helped my son, either, but he complied with it because we forced it. He wanted to drive, so refusing therapy meant no car. Treatment did help, and he complied with that as well because we forced it. Once again, no medications meant no car. All of this was extremely difficult on all of us, and I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anyone, but this was our child, and we felt like we had to go to the lengths we did for him. It did pay off. I wouldn't call him a success story (yet), but he does stay out of trouble, doesn't do drugs, and is trying to go back to school (he did get his GED). He doesn't have a steady job, but he's looking. And he actually, occasionally, asks for our advice on things and wants to spend time with us. There was a time when he couldn't stand us, and the feeling was mutual. [/QUOTE]
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