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Substance Abuse
17 yr old son, defiant and using
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 637871" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I dont have any tried and true hard and fast answers because everyone is different and I dont think there are any clear answers. So a lot of it is listening to your gut, thinking it through and trying to do the best you can whatever you decide to do. That being said I will give you some opinions based on my experience. You may have seen my story here.... but we have struggled with issues with my son since he was an early teenager. I too didnt want him involved in the "system" and we did a lot of various treatment programs when he was a teen. He somehow eked by and got his HS diploma.... and eventually at 18 we had to kick him out of the house to protect ourselves and our younger daughter. His behavior was not violent but was threatening and he was flagrantly disobeying all of our rules! </p><p></p><p>Anyway in the end he got invovled in the system on his own (several arrests). He now has a felony on his record.... for a whole bunch of stupid things. He has been in rehab and been in jail and has now left the state to avoid a warrant.</p><p></p><p>Boy telling the short story makes him sound like a hardened criminal which he is not.... he is a drug addict and does really stupid things when high. He is my son and in spite of it all I love him.</p><p></p><p>So I totally and completely understand all of your angst and not knowing what to do.</p><p></p><p>So one of the things that really helped him I think (he would disagree I am sure) was being invovled in drug court.... He spent 6 months clean and sober and was doing well in a good very strict court ordered program last year. I was so hopeful. I think it really helped him until he decided not to obey the rules anymore and things went down hill.</p><p></p><p>So all that said I think getting the system invovled can be a good thing. It is scary and it is scary if they get a record.... but the courts are more lenient with young kids and young adults... it gets harder and harder as you get older. My son is now 23 and its getting tougher.</p><p></p><p>So I think you should do what you have to do while he is still a minor. Let the system get invovled, they might actually help. Plus when the system is invovled you can be the supportive loving parent and let the courts be the tough guys. Sometimes it takes the system to make them realize there are serious consequences for their behavior. My son has been the most willing to get help right after he has been in jail because he does not want to go back to jail and that is a motivating factor.</p><p></p><p>The other thing is find a good parent support group for parents in our situation. For me I found a wonderful parents alanon group which has been hugely helpful to me. You need support, this is not a journey that any of us intended or want to be on.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 637871, member: 15801"] I dont have any tried and true hard and fast answers because everyone is different and I dont think there are any clear answers. So a lot of it is listening to your gut, thinking it through and trying to do the best you can whatever you decide to do. That being said I will give you some opinions based on my experience. You may have seen my story here.... but we have struggled with issues with my son since he was an early teenager. I too didnt want him involved in the "system" and we did a lot of various treatment programs when he was a teen. He somehow eked by and got his HS diploma.... and eventually at 18 we had to kick him out of the house to protect ourselves and our younger daughter. His behavior was not violent but was threatening and he was flagrantly disobeying all of our rules! Anyway in the end he got invovled in the system on his own (several arrests). He now has a felony on his record.... for a whole bunch of stupid things. He has been in rehab and been in jail and has now left the state to avoid a warrant. Boy telling the short story makes him sound like a hardened criminal which he is not.... he is a drug addict and does really stupid things when high. He is my son and in spite of it all I love him. So I totally and completely understand all of your angst and not knowing what to do. So one of the things that really helped him I think (he would disagree I am sure) was being invovled in drug court.... He spent 6 months clean and sober and was doing well in a good very strict court ordered program last year. I was so hopeful. I think it really helped him until he decided not to obey the rules anymore and things went down hill. So all that said I think getting the system invovled can be a good thing. It is scary and it is scary if they get a record.... but the courts are more lenient with young kids and young adults... it gets harder and harder as you get older. My son is now 23 and its getting tougher. So I think you should do what you have to do while he is still a minor. Let the system get invovled, they might actually help. Plus when the system is invovled you can be the supportive loving parent and let the courts be the tough guys. Sometimes it takes the system to make them realize there are serious consequences for their behavior. My son has been the most willing to get help right after he has been in jail because he does not want to go back to jail and that is a motivating factor. The other thing is find a good parent support group for parents in our situation. For me I found a wonderful parents alanon group which has been hugely helpful to me. You need support, this is not a journey that any of us intended or want to be on. TL [/QUOTE]
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17 yr old son, defiant and using
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