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Substance Abuse
17 yr old son, defiant and using
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<blockquote data-quote="rc606" data-source="post: 637975" data-attributes="member: 18472"><p>So my difficult child called me last night around 10:30 to "check in", he was at a friend's house. I explained to him that he was still grounded and should've come directly home from school. I went on and told him that I love him and that his actions are forcing my hand to ensure his safety. I went on and explained that he had a choice to make, either come home and submit to the family's rules OR he can submit to the state's rules. </p><p></p><p>He of course became belligerent and disrespectful, so I hung up. He called back immediately and asked why I hung up, to which I replied "you will not be disrespectful to me anymore" and this happened a few more times and each time he called back.</p><p></p><p>I told him that I was done crying for him, to him and with him and that from this moment on I would be making the hard decisions for him because I love him. I then said in a calm voice "son, you've always said that you want to make your own decisions, well here's your chance...tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, how's it going to go?" I then hung up the phone</p><p></p><p>Ten minutes later he called back and asked if I'd come get him, I agreed. I barely spoke to him on the ride home, but said this "living in my home offers many benefits, but also requires you to abide by family rules, is that something you're willing to do? Because the alternative is far less favorable to you" he cried and said yes.</p><p></p><p>Today I explained that he MUST go to counseling with a grief counselor and see a drug counselor. Also, any more interactions with his "drug friends" would result in my pulling the trigger on having him sent to a state sponsored facility for minors with drug issues. He must submit to weekly drug screenings by our physician, any failing results would result in my pulling the trigger on the facility. I told him that he is still a wonderful boy that will soon become a man, and that if he didn't get a handle on these issues now....it could ruin his life. He cried a lot and apologized. </p><p></p><p>We then worked in our yard and around the house today, he was his normal funny self. I had one of his good "non druggie" friends show up today to help us and they laughed and talked. Then started a bonfire and sat around and talked. </p><p></p><p>I'm hopeful but am primed to act when or if there is a return to his previous condition. I believe that my lack of emotion (I'm ridiculously emotional lately) freaked him out a bit and clued him in that Dad isn't playing around.</p><p></p><p>I'm so thankful to all of you that have responded to me in my time of need. Every comment has helped me develop a plan to deal with this in a manner that I feel will help my son and allow me to maintain my sanity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rc606, post: 637975, member: 18472"] So my difficult child called me last night around 10:30 to "check in", he was at a friend's house. I explained to him that he was still grounded and should've come directly home from school. I went on and told him that I love him and that his actions are forcing my hand to ensure his safety. I went on and explained that he had a choice to make, either come home and submit to the family's rules OR he can submit to the state's rules. He of course became belligerent and disrespectful, so I hung up. He called back immediately and asked why I hung up, to which I replied "you will not be disrespectful to me anymore" and this happened a few more times and each time he called back. I told him that I was done crying for him, to him and with him and that from this moment on I would be making the hard decisions for him because I love him. I then said in a calm voice "son, you've always said that you want to make your own decisions, well here's your chance...tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, how's it going to go?" I then hung up the phone Ten minutes later he called back and asked if I'd come get him, I agreed. I barely spoke to him on the ride home, but said this "living in my home offers many benefits, but also requires you to abide by family rules, is that something you're willing to do? Because the alternative is far less favorable to you" he cried and said yes. Today I explained that he MUST go to counseling with a grief counselor and see a drug counselor. Also, any more interactions with his "drug friends" would result in my pulling the trigger on having him sent to a state sponsored facility for minors with drug issues. He must submit to weekly drug screenings by our physician, any failing results would result in my pulling the trigger on the facility. I told him that he is still a wonderful boy that will soon become a man, and that if he didn't get a handle on these issues now....it could ruin his life. He cried a lot and apologized. We then worked in our yard and around the house today, he was his normal funny self. I had one of his good "non druggie" friends show up today to help us and they laughed and talked. Then started a bonfire and sat around and talked. I'm hopeful but am primed to act when or if there is a return to his previous condition. I believe that my lack of emotion (I'm ridiculously emotional lately) freaked him out a bit and clued him in that Dad isn't playing around. I'm so thankful to all of you that have responded to me in my time of need. Every comment has helped me develop a plan to deal with this in a manner that I feel will help my son and allow me to maintain my sanity. [/QUOTE]
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17 yr old son, defiant and using
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