18 year old daughter, I had to kick her out. So saddened...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Shelby, Jul 6, 2013.

  1. Shelby

    Shelby New Member

    *My daughter is such a good girl. Only thing I had major problems with was her mouth. Very disrespectful. She turned 18 last week. I warned her before hand, if she does not respect me, I will move her in with her grandparents. This had been going on for awhile. I kept on dealing with it. I really wanted her to stay with me. She had a job and was going to college this August. A fight broke out again yesterday. I just had to do it. I moved her out. She lost her job and I have no idea about her future. Her grandparents are not to happy, but I did it so she can realize how good she had it with me.... Please respond

    Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/for...-has-anyone-gone-through-54334/#ixzz2YJiiIomv
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi and welcome to the board. Im sorry you are going through such a trying time.

    As a grandparent myself I do have to chuckle at being used as punishment, especially when you say her grandparents arent too happy themselves. I bet not! I have 3 granddaughters and I can imagine being very unhappy if one of my granddaughters was tossed on my doorsteps because she was being disrespectful to her parents! Not so sure she wouldnt be sleeping in a tent in my yard!

    I tell you, the language itself wouldnt have done it for me but that fight where she hit you back, well that would have been all she wrote for me. I can take my kid saying just about anything within reason but they will never lay a hand on me and live to tell about it.

    I do think you are doing the right thing in making her leave the house. Her losing her job is one of those Oh well side effects. She will have to figure things out. I hope her grandparents put strong boundaries in place so she has rules she has to follow there too. Hopefully she will figure this out and move into the next phase of her life without too much of a struggle.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Aside from that, Shelby I read about how you slap your daughter in the mouth and how she punched you in the face. Sounds like you two use physical force w hen you are angry and I highly recommend both going to a family t herapist. This is a destructive way to interact and you two are too old to be slapping each other around. Never, never hit anyone around the head, especially since she has epilepsy. but you really shouldn't hit her at all and she certainly should not punch you in the face/head. Sounds like you are both in a dysfunctional rut. You hit her; she hits you back; it escalates. Understand that you did not act any better than she did.

    Family therapy can help you deal with each other in a more grown up, functional way and a therapist is not emotionally involved in your problems. Grandparents are and I can't see how that would help. This kind of fighting is immature and needs to stop for both your sake. I hope you do get help and bring Daughter with you.

    Keep us posted!!
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shelby, I'm sorry you are going through this situation with your daughter. I read your other posts about slapping your daughter and she slapping you back. I am not a believer in hitting kids. I am also not a believer in removing our kids from our home so they realize "how good she had it with me." It sounds as if you and your daughter are involved in power struggles and inappropriate ways of expressing yourselves which will not be solved by her living with her grandparents.

    You've given limited information, however, it does sound as if it may be a very good idea for you both to seek counseling to learn healthy ways to express yourselves and find options. At times when we are so close to a situation, especially with those we love, it's difficult for us to see the whole picture, to see 'the forest for the trees' so to speak. Professionals trained in family dynamics can be extremely helpful for us parents to learn ways to communicate with a teenager, set boundaries, learn tools to foster understanding so you can find a common ground and learn to negotiate the territory of raising an adult child living with you.

    I hope you can find a way to communicate with your daughter which will open the doors for love and understanding to bloom......
  5. Shelby

    Shelby New Member

    I really appreciate your feedback. She came to get the rest of her stuff yesterday. I was kind of surprised that she did. She has texted messages me today talking about what she has learned in her religion. I will reply back kindly and just let her know I love her. Who knows what the future holds, but during this time away, I would she realizes all I've done for her. I brought her up in a very good home. Having 2 jobs and being underpaid, her grandparents can give her what I can't right now. For some reason I have many guild feelings about this whole situation, but I strongly belive it will turn out for the better. Thanks so much for your feedback. Good luck with your three grandchildren. I sure do hope they respect there mother!! And you too
  6. Shelby

    Shelby New Member

    Hi, thanks for your feedback. Yes, all of this was definitely immature. I have two jobs and all I ever want to do when I get home is to relax. She would argue and criticize everything I would do. It was like living in a dysfunctional relationship. Having her there with her grandparents, they will be helping her out financially, which I could not do. We now don't have insurance for counseling. I do agree with you, we need it. Having the time for therapy and money would sure help. This will eventually pass. Hopefully soon I can start to spend time with her. Even if its going to the dollar movies or something. Thanks so much