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Failure to Thrive
19 1/2 Year Old Struggling With Complex Developmental Challenges
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687557" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>tbod, nobody knows what the outcome will be. Life is a process for everybody. Nobody knew I would turn it like I did (for good or ill.) </p><p></p><p>I do not think at his age and male, it can be in the main about diagnosis. Yet. Because it will all come out in the wash. Boys mature so late--some of them. I mean I do not grasp how 27 year old male can be entering medical residencies--when I look at my own.</p><p></p><p>So there is maturation--which will not kick in for awhile. Then add to it--very strong wills, the unwillingness to follow advice, the strong desire to do it MY WAY....your son is just itching to take on the world. There is only one way he can learn unfortunately for you, and it is suffering consequences.</p><p></p><p>Many parents on this board think it terms of differently wired. I am not yet a convert. I advocate waiting and seeing. (This will not be easy because it is hard, hard, hard to watch them run into walls. Over and over again.)</p><p></p><p>But I tell you. My son is in no way normal but his personality that he had growing up is back. He does not fight us. He tries. I find myself wanting him near me and unable to stop hugging him. (This is beyond my wildest dreams. Imagine him calling the cops on us to get us arrested one year ago, and giving my SO a black eye--after he threw him to the floor.) </p><p>The thing is--it was you guys who were exercising the options. Your son will (must) get to the point where he exercises them. This is the point.</p><p>This psychologist sounds both responsible and wise.</p><p></p><p>That this is the case, is neither here not there. I am someone who did years and years of insight therapy (my profession is allied to this.) In the end it was life that taught me. This will happen to your son, too.</p><p>I am hopeful because I have seen it with my son. Look at my posts, if you doubt me. I came here in April of last year. I was a wreck. (I am embarrassed that you look. I was practically whining.)</p><p></p><p>I had already kicked my son out 3 years before but I had not taken control. It is a miracle what happened when I decided I would control the interactions between us. Not him. That is what changed for me. I set the limits. And I pushed him away. I acted indifferent because I had gotten to that point. Did that get his attention.</p><p></p><p>You will get through this. So will your son. I believe that. Stop trying and let him begin to carry his weight. It is like, what do you call them, the ropes where kids are at each end and one side lets go. That is what has to happen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687557, member: 18958"] tbod, nobody knows what the outcome will be. Life is a process for everybody. Nobody knew I would turn it like I did (for good or ill.) I do not think at his age and male, it can be in the main about diagnosis. Yet. Because it will all come out in the wash. Boys mature so late--some of them. I mean I do not grasp how 27 year old male can be entering medical residencies--when I look at my own. So there is maturation--which will not kick in for awhile. Then add to it--very strong wills, the unwillingness to follow advice, the strong desire to do it MY WAY....your son is just itching to take on the world. There is only one way he can learn unfortunately for you, and it is suffering consequences. Many parents on this board think it terms of differently wired. I am not yet a convert. I advocate waiting and seeing. (This will not be easy because it is hard, hard, hard to watch them run into walls. Over and over again.) But I tell you. My son is in no way normal but his personality that he had growing up is back. He does not fight us. He tries. I find myself wanting him near me and unable to stop hugging him. (This is beyond my wildest dreams. Imagine him calling the cops on us to get us arrested one year ago, and giving my SO a black eye--after he threw him to the floor.) The thing is--it was you guys who were exercising the options. Your son will (must) get to the point where he exercises them. This is the point. This psychologist sounds both responsible and wise. That this is the case, is neither here not there. I am someone who did years and years of insight therapy (my profession is allied to this.) In the end it was life that taught me. This will happen to your son, too. I am hopeful because I have seen it with my son. Look at my posts, if you doubt me. I came here in April of last year. I was a wreck. (I am embarrassed that you look. I was practically whining.) I had already kicked my son out 3 years before but I had not taken control. It is a miracle what happened when I decided I would control the interactions between us. Not him. That is what changed for me. I set the limits. And I pushed him away. I acted indifferent because I had gotten to that point. Did that get his attention. You will get through this. So will your son. I believe that. Stop trying and let him begin to carry his weight. It is like, what do you call them, the ropes where kids are at each end and one side lets go. That is what has to happen. [/QUOTE]
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19 1/2 Year Old Struggling With Complex Developmental Challenges
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