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Substance Abuse
19 year old son out of control
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 383013" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Lee, and welcome.</p><p></p><p>I can only second what Janet has said. </p><p></p><p>Your house, your rules. If he doesn't feel like he needs to abide by them, he's free to leave. Period. End of discussion. No bargaining.</p><p></p><p>He's an "adult" - time to start acting like one. He needs to pay his bills, pay rent, contribute something. Not negotiable. Where does he see himself in 6 months/a year/5 years, and what is he doing to get there? The only wrong answer is living in your home (*your* home), doing what he's doing right now.</p><p></p><p>It's *extremely* hard to follow through and stand firm. I've cried more in the last 2 years over my difficult child than I've cried in my lifetime. It's really rough, telling a child it's time to move on and no, you cannot live here anymore. But you need to remember that you and your husband have worked hard for your home, for your lives as they are now. You do not deserve to be yelled at by a surly man-child who is contributing nothing to the equation. There should be boundaries now. He is a guest in your home. It sounds selfish at first glance, but it isn't. You have a life - it's time for your son to get one. And if he's not willing to do it underneath the protection of your roof, with the full fridge, housekeeping services, laundry services, and general amenities of your home, while abiding by your rules and behaving like a civilized human being, then he needs to do it without. *His* choice - not yours. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you're at this point, because I really do know how hard it is, but I think you're probably on the right track in realizing that it's time to tell him to leave. </p><p></p><p>Again, welcome - and you are most definitely not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 383013, member: 8"] Hi Lee, and welcome. I can only second what Janet has said. Your house, your rules. If he doesn't feel like he needs to abide by them, he's free to leave. Period. End of discussion. No bargaining. He's an "adult" - time to start acting like one. He needs to pay his bills, pay rent, contribute something. Not negotiable. Where does he see himself in 6 months/a year/5 years, and what is he doing to get there? The only wrong answer is living in your home (*your* home), doing what he's doing right now. It's *extremely* hard to follow through and stand firm. I've cried more in the last 2 years over my difficult child than I've cried in my lifetime. It's really rough, telling a child it's time to move on and no, you cannot live here anymore. But you need to remember that you and your husband have worked hard for your home, for your lives as they are now. You do not deserve to be yelled at by a surly man-child who is contributing nothing to the equation. There should be boundaries now. He is a guest in your home. It sounds selfish at first glance, but it isn't. You have a life - it's time for your son to get one. And if he's not willing to do it underneath the protection of your roof, with the full fridge, housekeeping services, laundry services, and general amenities of your home, while abiding by your rules and behaving like a civilized human being, then he needs to do it without. *His* choice - not yours. I'm so sorry you're at this point, because I really do know how hard it is, but I think you're probably on the right track in realizing that it's time to tell him to leave. Again, welcome - and you are most definitely not alone. [/QUOTE]
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19 year old son out of control
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