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1st grade son having behavior problems
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 562043" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I think it is important to remind the school that medications can put him in a place to be able to change behaviors but it does not necessarily change the behaviors in and of itself. If he has now developed patterns of negative behaviors then they may need to try positive skill building lessons, use problems as opportunities to teach. </p><p></p><p>At his age, lying might be a little more than just wanting to defy you....My son does this too even at age fifteen, but he is developmentally similar to your son. He knows that there will be a not so great reaction to a "bad report" so he naturally would prefer I not know. My son actually does think he has good days sometimes when he had some rough moments too because his teacher will say good job turning it around (if he had a rough patch then did the right thing) and then he honestly means it when he says he did well. (mostly he is not trying to lie as much as he is anxious about always being in trouble....but weird thing is, I leave school consequences to school and home to home. ) He still just is a kid who has spent far more time being told what he did wrong than right. I think they learn to be defensive and hide things very early. Just sharing because it sure did shape my son's perception of himself as "the bad kid". Even with conscious effort to say things like he made a bad choice, had a bad moment, and reinforce the times he turns things around and praise how quickly he did the right thing.... I can't even imagine. I was a goodie goodie and the times I was in trouble stick out in my mind because they were such a big deal. I think for my son it is the opposite. I think the times he does well stick out in his mind because his typical method of operation is one of struggle all day every day. Can you imagine how many frowns and upset tones of voice these kids hear all day long? It is one of the things I really feel terrible about and try super hard to work on. </p><p></p><p>What would be the benefit of his telling you the truth? (other than NOT getting into more trouble for lying).... </p><p></p><p>Just food for thought..... you know him best and I truly respect that. I'm just sharing because it is one of the most heart breaking things I have had to work on through my son's life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 562043, member: 12886"] I think it is important to remind the school that medications can put him in a place to be able to change behaviors but it does not necessarily change the behaviors in and of itself. If he has now developed patterns of negative behaviors then they may need to try positive skill building lessons, use problems as opportunities to teach. At his age, lying might be a little more than just wanting to defy you....My son does this too even at age fifteen, but he is developmentally similar to your son. He knows that there will be a not so great reaction to a "bad report" so he naturally would prefer I not know. My son actually does think he has good days sometimes when he had some rough moments too because his teacher will say good job turning it around (if he had a rough patch then did the right thing) and then he honestly means it when he says he did well. (mostly he is not trying to lie as much as he is anxious about always being in trouble....but weird thing is, I leave school consequences to school and home to home. ) He still just is a kid who has spent far more time being told what he did wrong than right. I think they learn to be defensive and hide things very early. Just sharing because it sure did shape my son's perception of himself as "the bad kid". Even with conscious effort to say things like he made a bad choice, had a bad moment, and reinforce the times he turns things around and praise how quickly he did the right thing.... I can't even imagine. I was a goodie goodie and the times I was in trouble stick out in my mind because they were such a big deal. I think for my son it is the opposite. I think the times he does well stick out in his mind because his typical method of operation is one of struggle all day every day. Can you imagine how many frowns and upset tones of voice these kids hear all day long? It is one of the things I really feel terrible about and try super hard to work on. What would be the benefit of his telling you the truth? (other than NOT getting into more trouble for lying).... Just food for thought..... you know him best and I truly respect that. I'm just sharing because it is one of the most heart breaking things I have had to work on through my son's life. [/QUOTE]
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