1st time posting here

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Wiped Out, Nov 20, 2012.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    and wishing I never had to but easy child/difficult child is just a pure difficult child tonight. I know this is minor compared to many of you with difficult children over 18 but I need to get this out so I hope it is o.k. I am posting here.

    husband, difficult child, and I came home from difficult child's wrestling practice and on the way picked him up some Wendy's to eat (husband and I had eaten earlier while waiting for difficult child). easy child/difficult child usually has class til 7:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays so we didn't pick anything up for her.

    When we got home she asked why we didn't pick her something up. We told her we would have if we had thought she would be home. She was whining and complaining so much husband said he would go out and get her something after he sorted laundry (which I thought was way beyond nice on his part).

    Then she was watching tv (at a loud volume). During all of this I was trying to get difficult child to get up into the shower-nothing major just teenage delaying. She asked if I wanted the tv off while I tried to get him up and I said fine because the volume was so loud anyways. She ended up turning it on again and when I calmly asked her to lower the volume she screamed that it was too loud in the house and she couldn't hear it (not true at all); she was screaming like she was so incredibly angry.

    I did tell her to please lower it or I would need to shut it off because I couldn't stand the noise. The next thing I know the remote hit me in the nose full force; she had thrown it at me. I ended up with the biggest bloody nose I've ever seen in my life and that includes difficult child's gushers when he was younger.

    I screamed and started crying (still hurts) and ran into the bathroom so I could be over a sink. By this time husband and difficult child who were upstairs when it happened knew what had happened. Next thing I know she is complaining to husband because I got blood on her shoe (how could I? geesh). husband couldn't believe she had the nerve to complain and sent her out to get her own food. She's been gone about 45 minutes so I'm not sure where she went.

    I'm guessing that she is upset about something else but that does not excuse her throwing the remote or acting that way. I know she didn't mean to hit me in the nose but this is ridiculous. Of course, now there is blood all over my new sweatshirt, the carpet, the chair, the floor, and the sink.

    husband is ticked and difficult child is beyond ticked. I'm afraid he is going to try and start something with her. Thankfully I was able to get him to bed after my nose started bleeding. He is telling us he is going to beat her up or stab her. Great-that's all we need. I think we were able to get him to understand how bad that would be.

    And here is my whine... MY NOSE HURTS!!!!!!! and...I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight.

    Thanks for listening. I'm not sure yet what to say to her when she gets home. She has been doing really well lately and overall acting very maturely. This just came out of left field.
     
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Ouch....I hope it feels better in the morning. I think she was definitely all difficult child today.
     
  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I think you are right that something ELSE is going to with her. But, it still DOESN'T excuse her behavior, even if it was an accident.

    Geez! I have to say I don't know what I would have done in your situation. Definitely a difficult child moment for her.

    I'm glad you got difficult child safely to bed.

    Never dull moment ....
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, no apology? That was a double difficult child move. Hope you don't swell up over night! So sorry that happened.
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hate to read this. Definately a problem. Besides your feelings, your poor nose....:(

    Hopefully she'll talk to you about the underlying problem. But frankly, this type aggression scares me on your behalf. May need to consider drawing a line in the sand related to this type behavior?
     
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Oh wow sounds like something mine would do. Hope your nose is better this morning!
     
  7. That is awful. I'm sure there is more to the story on difficult child's part (like you said) but regardless her behaviour is inexcusable and definitely requires - at minimum - an apology.

    Do you have any worries that this could become an ongoing thing? The violence, I mean.
     
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    That was my first thought, too, that she doesn't seem sorry for it?

    I hope you feel better soon!!
     
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geez, sorry about your nose, how is it today? I hope easy child/difficult child got over herself and apologized to you. You might just get a big black eye for the Thanksgiving Day festivities..................someday it may be a good story, but probably not today...........
     
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would ignore her as long as you can. Then put on the guilt. 'I did not think you were capable of such a thing' 'i had no idea you had such anger' 'i am so disappointed and hurt' blah, blah.....i thnk she has a consience so it might work with her.

    I am sorry you (and she) have to have this experience in your memory. I think it will be harder to let go of than difficult children usual stuff. Hugs!
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, Sharon, Im so sorry she did that. Hope you are okay today. She may have been upset last night over something else which was evidenced by the louder than normal TV volume but throwing that remote at you was well beyond crossing a line.

    I sure hope she has talked to you and cleared the air with you. I do think she needs so major consequences for this.
     
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone. My nose still hurts a lot-especially because it is right where my glasses sit. easy child/difficult child is still gfgish today. She came home after I went to bed last night-I think around 10:00.

    She had to pick me up today from work and didn't say much at all.When I asked what had been bothering her she said she didn't get an a on her algebra test. Wondering if maybe she failed it. Still that doesn't seem to be much of a reason for her overreaction. husband did say when she came home she had her medications filled so I don't know if she has been skipping them-she is usually really good about it.

    She made three pies today and is still planning on making cheese cakes. Other than that she is still extremely angry and screaming over everything-I'm glad she is working tonight so I don't have to be around her. I had asked her to start picking up her stuff laying around earlier this week. She didn't and so I started cleaning today because we are having company tonight and she had a royal fit that I would move her stuff off the table and the floor to her room-geesh! She even threw a box and a blanket downstairs (not with me in her way).

    When I mentioned how much my nose was hurting she just screamed that she didn't care. I told her I could tell since she hadn't asked about it. easy child/difficult child has always had a hard time with any kind of apology.

    What I don't understand is that she has been doing really well and it seems like the bottom has just dropped out. I am a little worried how she'll be around family this weekend because in the past when she is depressed she can be extremely grouchy around company and holes up in her room a lot of the time.

    Argh!
     
  13. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm sorry you are sore today. I hope you begin for feel better quickly.

    No apology? But, an "I don't care?" Oh.No.I.Don't.Think.So.

    The one ranting would be ME along with a very stern warning that she had better adjust her attitude, along with one HUGE and very sincere apology, right quick otherwise get thee out. Yep. Thanksgiving. Out. Bye!

    I hope I don't sound too harsh, but after all the physical nonsense I put up with Daughter as a minor, I certainly wasn't going to tolerate it when she was adult. I think you need to set easy child/difficult child straight on this one ASAP.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2012
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dazed-I did end up yelling at one point yesterday afternoon when she was still copping the attitude.

    Kind of strange but she ended up sending me a text from work last night. Only one word-"sorry".

    husband and I didn't know what to make of it. I thought about responding-sorry for what-the hit in the nose, the screaming, the tantrum?

    The more I thought about it though I think she really was sorry. easy child/difficult child has always had major trouble with apologies-seldom makes them at all so I texted back "ok". She has a long way to go in learning to make a good apology. She has a much better attitude this morning and is in the kitchen making stuffed mushrooms. I'm hoping this was a temporary lapse and she will not go back into the depressive hole she used to be in.
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you were hurt. What consequences have resulted from this assault on you other than having to go get her own food?? I know you were hurting, and likely still are. Has she had ANY type of real consequence to help her see that this is NOT something you will tolerate? Or are you truly thinking that one texted word actually means something?

    I know that if I threw something at my mother that hit her and made her bleed like that, I would either be under the building we were in or would be facing charges and the expenses of medical bills. Have you had your nose checked out by a doctor? Why not?

    Please make her very aware that this cannot ever happen again to anyone, not just to you. make her aware that you CAN press charges and are thinking about it if you are.

    Yes, this is harsh, but giving your mother a nosebleed of this magnitude because you didn't want to turn the volume down? On a home where your parents pay for your necessities and luxuries for the most part is just so FAR out of line. If she does this to you, what does she do to others???

    Please, come up with a real world consequence that means something to her, or else make a police report. You do her ZERO favors by allowing this to occur without allowing her to feel the sanctions that we have set up as a society. What happens when they play music too loud at work or a store as seh is shopping??? Will she assault someone else, someone who might fight back with legally justifiable deadly force?

    I am sorry you are hurting.
     
  16. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Sharon, I'm so sorry you're hurting. I hope your nose is feeling better today, and that there was no permanent damage.

    As for easy child/difficult child, I'm with Susie. What she did to you was assault, pure and simple. She should be made to feel the consequences of that, in a way that brings home to her how serious it is.
    If she had done that to a stranger, she would likely be dealing with the police and court system. Just because you're her mother doesn't make it any different.

    I can understand not wanting to go the legal route, but she needs to feel this in a way that's meaningful to her. Expressing your pain to her will likely cause her to just lash out at you again. Her consequences need to be in her currency.

    I'm not sure what will work with your easy child/difficult child, but there has to be something.

    When my difficult child attempted to get physically violent with me many years ago, aside from the physical confrontation we had at the time (it wasn't pretty, but he was still light enough that I could pick him up and move him where I needed him to be), I didn't speak with or interact with him for months other than the bare minimum. He was limited to his room, the bathroom and the kitchen for a couple of weeks -- and only at times when I wasn't using them. He ate all his meals in the dining room, apart from the rest of the family for those weeks as well. If he wasn't prepared to treat me the way a mother should be treated, I was going to show him what it was like not to have a mother.

    His behaviour has been nowhere near perfect, but he has never gotten physical with me since.

    Many gentle hugs.
     
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Susie and Trinity-husband will be talking to her after the weekend (we have company right now). He will let her know this stops or she will need to move out. She has never been violent to me before (except for throwing remotes but never hurt me). I think she was in shock and should have been. I'm hoping this was a wake up call for her and a one and only thing. He will also talk to her about how we could have filed a police report.
     
  18. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Hi, I know I'm late joining the conversation but wanted to offer my sympathy and good wishes for your recovery. This incident is extremely disturbing - the force with which your easy child/difficult child threw that remote, and right at your face, puts it into the category of assault, plain and simple. I'm glad your husband is going to talk with her, just hope he'll be able to make it clear to her how serious this is. If her behavior has become unpleasant and frequently unacceptable recently, maybe a contract is needed. I'm sorry this has happened right at the holidays - always seems to be the way, doesn't it?
     
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. Sending hugs. DDD
     
  20. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kataya and DDD- Thank you. My nose is feeling better but still hurts a bit. Her mood seems to be on the upswing (crossing fingers because the deep depression she was in for about 2 years of high school was awful).
     
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