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2 children - 2 different feelings
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764975" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I don't think we have to move on from our children. I think it's a question of accepting reality. By that I don't mean, accepting them, or accepting their behavior. I mean, accepting the truth of what they do, and how they act, and who they are now.</p><p></p><p>Do we argue with the rain? Do we argue with the night? No. Because we accept that we have no control over the night or the rain. We don't argue that we have to put on raincoats or turn on the light.</p><p></p><p>But with our kids, we hold onto fantasies, expectations, and dreams. That is what I did.</p><p></p><p>I am a lot like you. When I see my son I am heartbroken. Last night my partner and I went out to eat. He said to me about a guy in the restaurant hunched over in a hoody, 'There's J.' My son won't be seen without a hoody on. I felt deep pain, just at this comment, and seeing the young man, who was not my son.</p><p></p><p>I am feeling heartbroken now, thinking of how you must hurt, needing to detach from your daughter to this degree, due to safety issues. But guilt?</p><p></p><p>You do nothing wrong at all by saving yourself. If your daughter damages your home, or subjects you to extreme fear and distress by what she does in your home, or near you, like drugs, or suicidal statements, or self-harm, what choice do you have? We're back to reality again.</p><p></p><p>If somebody is dangerous or behaves in such a manner as to cause extreme distress--separating ourselves from them, is the natural consequence of their behavior. This is not a lack of love. Or to love less.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could reassure you so that you could feel this, that you are worth protecting. To us here, your welfare and your well-being are worth it. You are worth it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764975, member: 18958"] I don't think we have to move on from our children. I think it's a question of accepting reality. By that I don't mean, accepting them, or accepting their behavior. I mean, accepting the truth of what they do, and how they act, and who they are now. Do we argue with the rain? Do we argue with the night? No. Because we accept that we have no control over the night or the rain. We don't argue that we have to put on raincoats or turn on the light. But with our kids, we hold onto fantasies, expectations, and dreams. That is what I did. I am a lot like you. When I see my son I am heartbroken. Last night my partner and I went out to eat. He said to me about a guy in the restaurant hunched over in a hoody, 'There's J.' My son won't be seen without a hoody on. I felt deep pain, just at this comment, and seeing the young man, who was not my son. I am feeling heartbroken now, thinking of how you must hurt, needing to detach from your daughter to this degree, due to safety issues. But guilt? You do nothing wrong at all by saving yourself. If your daughter damages your home, or subjects you to extreme fear and distress by what she does in your home, or near you, like drugs, or suicidal statements, or self-harm, what choice do you have? We're back to reality again. If somebody is dangerous or behaves in such a manner as to cause extreme distress--separating ourselves from them, is the natural consequence of their behavior. This is not a lack of love. Or to love less. I wish I could reassure you so that you could feel this, that you are worth protecting. To us here, your welfare and your well-being are worth it. You are worth it. [/QUOTE]
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