2 doctor appts today...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kassy, Mar 13, 2007.

  1. kassy

    kassy New Member

    Hello everyone... started out my day with appointment with sons physcologist whom i had a little :rolleyes: resentment for from last visit.. well i showed up without son since he had school testing today so i was able to spill somethings off my chest without james right there.. i told about how frustrated i was, that if i get emotional it is not because i need my medications adjusted :grrr: it is because i am sick and i am tired of pushing my sons a** up hill all the while his feet dig in and i am told it is my fault for the way he is... i also told him that james doesn't need to be told he is special or felt sorry for or babied because his dad doesn't do what a father should...he needs to pull his boot straps up and realize life aint fair, he might as well get over it now and learn to deal with the hand he is delt and get on with it....i told him that james days are numbered in our house because my husband is going to boot him out at this rate and frankly i am so tired of the fight i almost welcome it... :crying: so do you think i got thru to him?? i felt so impowerment for once... we know what the problems are what are we going to do to fix it???huh :hammer:


    so next appointment was for our daughter who has cronic stomach ache... any guesses on what doctor says... STRESSSSSSSS!!! :sad: talk to daughter on way home and we talked about her fears... she actually fears james harming me...killing me even... talked to her about knowing phone numbers and being able to call sister or neighbor... so will give her those tommmorow... tell me about other kids in your homes that are affected by difficult child....
     
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    What did the psychologist say after you let it all out? I would love to know.

    When there is a difficult child in the family it really does affect everyone. Our kids have a double whammy with my health and all the surrounding uncertainties. We wanted easy child to consider being a doctor but instead she chose occupational therapy. She said, "With my family, what other career path could I choose?" She's had to deal with my mobility issues as well as the other kids' hypermobile joints, plus the range of problems caused by the autism and the repetitive behaviours. But it also serves her in good stead - when dealing with difficult children we've had to learn to be lateral thinkers and to adapt. These are skills which are very useful in her work - she adapted a funny backscratcher I was given (which makes a noise as it is used) as a teaching tool in people learning to exercise arms and wrists after brain injury or carpal tunnel surgery. When the backscratcher made the right noise, the person was doing the exercise properly and getting a laugh at the same time.

    Over here we have a really good support network for kids who help care for a disabled family member. The support includes regular get-togethers including camps (free to young carers) where they get to do fun stuff which they otherwise would miss out on. Lots of organisations happily donate time and services to these kids. On these camps they also do some counselling/discussion sessions where they debrief, and they come home with renewed energy, feeling less like damaged goods in dysfunctional families and more like the heroes they are. Instead of feeling embarrassed and ashamed of their families they have a better perspective and are equipped to cope much better.

    If you haven't got this it still could be fairly easily put together, maybe via existing service clubs or carer organisations. Our one in Sydney started very small and grew. They had their 10 year reunion last year.

    When a easy child sibling has a better sense of control over her environment she will be less stressed. One of the early behaviour experts, Skinner, discovered this when he experimented on rats with electric shocks. The rats which could control their shocks by pushing a lever did better than the rats in the next cage, getting the same shocks (including the reduced level from the controlling rat beside them). The rats without the control switch access had higher levels of stress-related illness because there was absolutely nothing they could do and this frustration is one more serious stress.

    We tend to ignore our PCs especially when our difficult children are in crisis. And our PCs tend to not ask for help when they need it because they feel guilty at taking up our time when their sibling's needs are more obvious. Then PCs get resentful and even more guilty. A vicious circle. They need to know that these feelings are shared by other kids in the same situation ands they need tools to help them deal with this and cope.

    Marg
     
  3. kassy

    kassy New Member

    What did the psychologist say after you let it all out? I would love to know.

    well he gave me the usual patrinizing uh huh's and "i can see you are frustrated" thing...then rambled on about how if my husband understood better and was more supportive then things would be different.. well duhhh....you think?
     
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Kassy, I'm not sure I read your initial posts. Does your difficult child see an adolescent psychiatrist? Is he on medications? If so, are they helping?

    My easy child daughter experienced so much anxiety from household turmoil that she developed a choking phobia and was hospitalized last summer because she refused to eat. With medications and intensive therapeutic interventions, she is doing great. Your easy child may need therapeutic supports of her own.
     
  5. oceans

    oceans New Member

    It does not sound like a very productive appointment from his response. You need support and suggestions, and maybe some referrals....
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, yuk. I feel badly for you. My own experience with psycologists is very poor. I have bipolar and my son has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). I never found any therapists useful (and I mean none) until I went to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which focused on common sense and a new way of handling stress rather than giving advice, which is very much in the eyes of the beholder--not an exact science. I hate how non-MD therapists tend to blame parents and cause guilt and fail to see how it helps. Has your child been seen by a Psychiatrist (with the MD)? A neuropsychologist (a psycologist who knows about brain function). I would maybe try another path. Why pay to have a therapist abuse you and not even help your child?
     
  7. kassy

    kassy New Member

    james sees a phychiatrist for medications..abilify 7.5 mgs right now. drove 45 minutes to appointment last week only to find he didn't show to work. 3rd time this has happened! ugh!!! but as you are all probably well aware very hard to find someone who will treat a kid and is in your "network".. this physologist seemed promising because he was very through in asking and dissecting james history.. but he hasn't been much help last 2 times. basically asking same questions over again telling us crap we already have heard, telling me to ask nicer blah blah blah... and he looks at clock constently which drives me crazy....however i will give him couple more times mainly because phychiatrist sent us there and we havent SEEN him since(rolling my eyes!) and my son is scared to death he will take his medications away if he doesn't see this guy....which at least that is positive my son does know that medications help him...today is new day...
     
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