2 quick questions

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Aug 14, 2011.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    As you know....my oldest son, aged almost 8yr....was diagnosed, so far with anxiety, traids of ODD and possible asperger.

    I have started to notice that often during the times when his verbal abuse worsens....it's not really abuse, it's more as if he can't stop saying bad things, for example...while he is busy on the computer, watching tv or what ever....he will say 'freacken, stupid, sucker....." the whole time. He will also be rude and irritated towards me or his brother. Anyway, what I noticed was that during this time or just after...he will complain of a terrible headache? Does anyone have any thoughts on this, where it fits in or does your kids do this sometimes?

    The other thing is: After my visit to my parents reasantly, my dad shook his head and remarked that he can't understand how this lovely boy that used to be chirpy, singing and playing 1-2 years ago suddenly became so quiet and withdrawn. He saw him 3-4 months ago. He is confinced that something bad must have happened to trigger this...obviously this worstens my quilt feelings, because I must have done something wrong to cause my sons condition! Was there a time when your kids just became worse...there was always something 'bothering' me about my boy....took him to therapists sinse aged 4yr, who couldn't find anything wrong, but his withdrawn, quietness only became worse during the last few months...this is why we took him to a psychiatrist, who made the diagnosis.
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Mine complains of stomachache after a fine bout of temper, headache after a crying bout. At 8 he's also subject to having more expected from home at home and at school, from not just you and teachers but also from classmates. If he's not up to the challenge he might withdraw and/or lash out.
    When he's going through the bad words, does it sound like he's venting frustration in general or specifically directing it at someone?
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    1 Just guessing when he's using the bad words, he's agitated. Not uncommon for blood pressure to go up during agitation, and that can cause headaches.

    2 Yes, it can 'get worse' It's not that the condition (assuming Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)) got worse, but his coping mechanisms got worse. At 8 he's now been in school a few years and becoming more aware of himself and his peers. HE is noticing that he's different, and is unable to figure out how or why, or what to do about it.

    Son kept having increasing difficulty at school as he got older. At home, not so much, because to me, he was 'normal' (I was raised by a suspected Aspie). When he entered middle school, it go so bad he was completely 'shut down' for about a month until I got him medicated for the resulting depression from his frustrations.

    As I was reading your other post I also realized that although my family knows nothing about dxes and thinks most of them are beyond ludicrous (depression) for kids, they treat my kids as individuals and accommodate whenever necessary. It's jsut something that naturally happens. If they aren't able to adjust or accommodate, they just back off.
  4. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    When he's going through the bad words, does it sound like he's venting frustration in general or specifically directing it at someone?

    I'm not sure....it's not as if he puts any emotion or feelings of frustration into it.....it's just as if he keeps on saying it, almost like some one that will be humming a tune...starting, stopping, starting...Maybe he is just trying to anoy me! LOL
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I doubt your Dad meant to make you feel badly about your parenting skills. Likely he either (1) has been shocked by the change, just as you have or (2) was indirectly suggesting that maybe "something happened" to him that resulted in that change. All of us with difficult children feel guilty at times wondering what we could have done differently etc. The truth is that almost all of us have done our best and just have to learn how to cope with a different child that the one we expected to have. by the way, is he on any medication that was introduced right before this change? Hugs DDD
  6. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    DDD, no we only started medications after the behaviour started....after 2 mishaps, we have settled with a SSRI antidepressant that really helped the aggitation and irritibility is MUCH better! Also crying less....less moodswings!
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Your dad's comment is interesting.
    I wouldn't take it as any kind of statement about your parenting, though...
    In reality, what he gave you was a perspective that's harder to get on your own.
    "Something" has changed. Its not "just you" noticing, but a grandparent who is in semi-regular contact with this kid.

    "Something" could be all sorts of things - but NOT parenting!
    For example... school issues that you don't really know about.
    Or something with another neighborhood kid.
    Or... something else going on in his brain.

    Worth checking out, maybe.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Has he been evaluated for Tourette's? It could be that type of disorder. Agitation can cause headaches, but he also should have a sleep deprived EEG to check for seizure acitivity. Even if they don't find seizures, he could still have them. Depending on where the seizure is, it can cause almost any type of behavior. EEGs can only detect seizure activity in a small part of the brain, but they do need to be done.

    This is just what comes to mind. Also, why not challenge him with a dictionary. Lt him know that he is not a stupid person and those words (curse words) are used by stupid people who are not creative enough to find something more powerful to say. Let him find words in the dictionary that may sound like curses or that no one understands. I had a teacher try to give me detention for calling another kid a terpsichorean. It means dancer, basically and infuriated this teacher because he did not know the meaning of it or probably ten other long words I used. NONE of them meant anything bad but they let me get my frustration out and many thought they were "bad" words. This was my English teacher, by the way, and he was really angry when the detention was overturned by the principal because you cannot give someone a detention for using a word you don't understand. At least that was the principal's reasoning then, lol (I was a real brat as a teen, esp to teachers. NO ONE wants a teen to read the curriculum/education books like "why johnny can't read" that are used to teach college level education classes - and my father insisted I read and discuss them all with him as he got his master's degree. I feel so sorry for my teachers, lol.)