Shari
IsItFridayYet?
I showed husband the email and the grade book and told him I am done dealing with it until someone else steps up to back me. He got mad and actually yelled at me that he doesn't know how to log on and look at her work (he is very computer illiterate, I will give him that) or how to do the computer stuff, so how's he supposed to know, and that he doesn't know what to do when she does this. I told him that I have always told him her grades...this is not news to him, just the first time I've made him look for himself. As for what to do, I was not born with some magic instruction book that told me how to deal with kids, it was a poke and a hope, but doing nothing was going to change nothing... and I'm sick of being the bad guy with easy child. He claims he is going to make easy child do the missing work, even tho its not for credit. We'll see.
He asked why I was done with her school, and I said its not school, its her lying and the complete lack of anyone else to hold her accountable for what she says, so I'm going to quit worrying about it, too. Of course, that made no sense to him, so I explained the situation with the weekend, pretty much as I did here. And I ended it with "and I sat there in the front seat of that car and wondered if easy child 2 would be acting like this if her daddy put the fear of God in her every once in a while, too...but we don't know, cause NO ONE does."
His reply? "BUT I MADE HER CLEAN THE CLOTHES!"
The fact that I had to talk to him 4 different times to get him to do ANYTHING was irrelevent; the fact that he retorted to me that she said she didn't pee her pants didn't mean anything (to me it means her word prevails over mine); he just didn't see why any of that mattered, the outcome was he did what I wanted.
I tried to point out, also, that I had to ask when I shouldn't. He told her in Oct she needed to deal with her clothes that she wet in and he needs to enforce that. Period. Not only with me forcing him to. (again, he said "but she said she didn't pee her pants" - I said "were the pants wet?" - he said "damp" - I said "if an entire pair of underwear is only damp with pee by the time you find it, its somehow not peed-in pants?" - no reply)
And besides that, if I hadn't made him go feel the pants, he was going to take her word AGAIN that she didn't pee her pants...and I am really sick of that.
I also reminded him that back in grade school, he told her he'd spank her for lying again when I stood there and listened to her put wee up to something he wasn't supposed to do and she denied doing it. And he has never laid a finger on her.
She lied to daddy 3 more times on Sunday and there will be no consequence for it. And I'm tired of it.
While I was at it, I also told him I'm not telling her why I bought new clothes, either. Not until he starts paying attention to what she's wearing and puts his foot down when he thinks its not appropriate.
As usual, at the end of the conversation, I had asked what was going to change and got no reply. He just sat there staring at his checkers game and idly picking up piles of paper around the computer and throwing them away. I let 5 minutes pass and asked again. He finally said "OK". I asked "ok what?" And he spouted back "Ok fine, I'll beat her or do something."
I can carry the load. I can do the housework. I can keep the cars running. I can do the chores. I'll gripe about it, sure, but I can do it. I can deal with difficult child and all his bs, 'cause I know those around him are working and trying to make things better (generally including husband - he usually doesn't lose it very often with wee). But I'll be danged if I'm gonna keep playing this game (a losing one, at that) with easy child 2 while feeling like I'm swimming upstream against every other single adult in her life (and I feel...self righteous...saying that...but this is the third year that teachers contact me with a problem instead of her mom or dad...so it tells me perhaps my view isn't entirely just biased). I don't mind taking on the mom role in my house, but the fact remains that I am just the step-mom to easy child 2...precious daddy is gonna have to actively back me if anything I say or do is gonna be effective. I can carry more than half the load...but I won't continue to do it without some level of support. Just SOMETHING somewhere.
He asked why I was done with her school, and I said its not school, its her lying and the complete lack of anyone else to hold her accountable for what she says, so I'm going to quit worrying about it, too. Of course, that made no sense to him, so I explained the situation with the weekend, pretty much as I did here. And I ended it with "and I sat there in the front seat of that car and wondered if easy child 2 would be acting like this if her daddy put the fear of God in her every once in a while, too...but we don't know, cause NO ONE does."
His reply? "BUT I MADE HER CLEAN THE CLOTHES!"
The fact that I had to talk to him 4 different times to get him to do ANYTHING was irrelevent; the fact that he retorted to me that she said she didn't pee her pants didn't mean anything (to me it means her word prevails over mine); he just didn't see why any of that mattered, the outcome was he did what I wanted.
I tried to point out, also, that I had to ask when I shouldn't. He told her in Oct she needed to deal with her clothes that she wet in and he needs to enforce that. Period. Not only with me forcing him to. (again, he said "but she said she didn't pee her pants" - I said "were the pants wet?" - he said "damp" - I said "if an entire pair of underwear is only damp with pee by the time you find it, its somehow not peed-in pants?" - no reply)
And besides that, if I hadn't made him go feel the pants, he was going to take her word AGAIN that she didn't pee her pants...and I am really sick of that.
I also reminded him that back in grade school, he told her he'd spank her for lying again when I stood there and listened to her put wee up to something he wasn't supposed to do and she denied doing it. And he has never laid a finger on her.
She lied to daddy 3 more times on Sunday and there will be no consequence for it. And I'm tired of it.
While I was at it, I also told him I'm not telling her why I bought new clothes, either. Not until he starts paying attention to what she's wearing and puts his foot down when he thinks its not appropriate.
As usual, at the end of the conversation, I had asked what was going to change and got no reply. He just sat there staring at his checkers game and idly picking up piles of paper around the computer and throwing them away. I let 5 minutes pass and asked again. He finally said "OK". I asked "ok what?" And he spouted back "Ok fine, I'll beat her or do something."
I can carry the load. I can do the housework. I can keep the cars running. I can do the chores. I'll gripe about it, sure, but I can do it. I can deal with difficult child and all his bs, 'cause I know those around him are working and trying to make things better (generally including husband - he usually doesn't lose it very often with wee). But I'll be danged if I'm gonna keep playing this game (a losing one, at that) with easy child 2 while feeling like I'm swimming upstream against every other single adult in her life (and I feel...self righteous...saying that...but this is the third year that teachers contact me with a problem instead of her mom or dad...so it tells me perhaps my view isn't entirely just biased). I don't mind taking on the mom role in my house, but the fact remains that I am just the step-mom to easy child 2...precious daddy is gonna have to actively back me if anything I say or do is gonna be effective. I can carry more than half the load...but I won't continue to do it without some level of support. Just SOMETHING somewhere.
