I hope this is the right place to post for my situation. I did an Internet search for support for moms of homeless sons and a thread on this forum came up. I am really grieving and need support from others who will understand. My 20 year old son has been living with us since last Dec when he was evicted for non payment of rent. At that time, he had stopped attending work or school, and blew through his financial aid money in just a few months. He had been lying to me about it, but I knew something wasn't right because every time I called he was home. He has been aggressive his whole life and he has diagnosises to explain why. Still, he can control his behavior and is appropriate in school and social settings. Just like his bio father, all the nasty behavior only comes out at home. We have tried EVERYTHING to help this child. He has had evaluations galore, all sorts of medications, individual therapy, family therapy, inpatient, outpatient, day treatment. We sold our house and moved into a small apartment to pay for the last stint in day treatment. At 15, after he assaulted his brother and nearly broke his arm we pressed charges and he did court mandated anger management. Months later he threw a chair across the room in a fit of rage, nearly hitting his 4 month old brother. I called the police, not for the first time, but this time I demanded they do something, anything. A social worker met with me and after reviewing the case decided that for the safety of the other children, he should be placed in foster care. He was in special needs foster care until he was 18. He was very difficult for his foster parents as well, not violent, but defiant and unwilling to follow rules, etc. Our relationship improved greatly while he was not in my home and so at 18 I allowed him to return to live with us. Big mistake. Within just a few days, his negative behavior returned. About 3 months later he assaulted his other younger brother who was 12 at the time and half his size. The police refused to take him into custody (despite the fact that he was an adult and had just repeatedly hit a minor hard enough to leave marks!) and suggested he stay with a family member for a while to "cool off". We were not planning to take him back in but he was unable to find anyone else who would help him and that meant us or homelessness and so we allowed him to come back into the home on the strict condition that he would never lay a hand on anyone. He kept to that, though he did have outbursts against property and verbally was abusive. He can be very friendly and is fun to talk to so he will learn details about you and then when he is angry, will use that knowledge to hurt you. He has done it so many times and yet I still fall for it. I don't even know if it's intentional. I think it's just how his brain works. At one point, his behavior spiraled downward again and we kicked him out for his abusive language (towards me mostly.) He claimed he was suicidal and was hospitalized for a few days. Afterward he was in a homeless shelter for 4 days and then rode the bus and walked to our house to ask for a hair cut so he could look decent for a job interview. My heart broke for him so we negotiated an agreement where he could live with us for a short time while he looked for work. But as time went on, he had excuse after excuse why he could not get a job. He was also clearly unable to manage his own medications which would lead to his outbursts. After a ton of parental prodding/handholding over many months, he was enrolled in college, had a job, and a small affordable apartment. And within 3 months it all fell apart. Right before Christmas and bitter cold, we took him in. He was supposed to be out again in 3 months, but he again showed no interest at all in getting a job or on his feet again. We were not very accommodating and he slept on a mattress on the floor had very little belongings here, but it didn't seem to bother him. His entire day would be spent in bed or online, usually watching news or politics. It has been 7 months, still no job, no motivation to find one. His entitled attitude just keeps getting worse. His only source of income is donating plasma and he blows that money on food, clothes, or entertainment. He doesn't keep doctor appointments and is on and off medications all the time as a result. I finally convinced him to get an appointment but by that time he had been off for 4 days and I could see his behavior escalating. I was late picking him up from plasma and he was furious, yelling at me in the car. Then went into the house and broke his computer and yelled profanities at the top of his lungs just feet from where his youngest siblings were. My husband sent him out and he walked across the street and kicked the crap out of a bicycle rack. We made him stay out until the children were in bed and then discussed his options which at this point was the shelter. He was extremely remorseful and tears, said he was ashamed of his behavior and completely understood our point of view but could he please have one more night? He had a job interview in the morning and a doctor appointment and wanted to shower and look nice, etc. We decided to let him stay the night but he was to leave the house immediately in the morning and get himself to the doctor appointment on his own dime by taking the bus (he doesn't have a car or a license). He was also to stay out for the day and we would talk to him once the kids were in bed and make a plan. Never at any point did we say he was allowed back in. While he was gone, we took the kids to an event at a park and he called about 7 pm, asking if he could let himself in through the back door but my husband said, no, you are not allowed in without us there. I was confused why he would even be asking, given the situation. He called again at 8:50 and started yelling that he was "hungry and thirsty and tired and had been waiting for 2 hours already!!!" When my husband suggested he walk to the convenience store down the block and get a drink, he responded with "F*** you!" and hung up. He absolutely doesn't get it. He takes no responsibility for himself and he gets furious when we deny him what he thinks he has the right to. I have been feeling for months that the more I let him stay, the more I am enabling him to continue his destructive patterns. When we got home, we let him sleep, take a shower, and pack his things. He was gone this morning and took very little. Left a note saying he may go to the hospital and had applied for job corps. He apologized in the letter. I have no way of contacting him. He doesn't have a working phone. It's so so sad. All of it. It's a tragedy that should never have happened. He was so loved and wanted. I have disciplined him his whole life, and taught him right from wrong. But when he is angry, his morals take a backseat. He says and does things I never imagined. And I can't have that in my home. But not knowing where he is and how he is doing, where he is sleeping tonight, did he eat today...it's almost worse. There sits his broken computer, his pile of dirty clothes, his mattress. Part of me is angry and wants to toss it all in the dumpster. The other part of me feels sad, filled with grief, like someone died. I have no idea what the future holds but I know I can't let him live here, even if homelessness is his only alternative.