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20 yo at home, no job
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 703935" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The kicking them out is not necessarily for them. As we all know, only they can change themselvrs, wherever they are.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes there are younger kids at home and they need peace and to feel safe.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes we are too stressed and it is making us sick so we do it for us. It's not healthy when adult children cause us the degree of pain and and fear our grown kids do, often knowingly.</p><p></p><p>It IS an individual decision but it's not therapeutic for them. It's for us and our other loved ones because our difficult children are not the only family member who matters. They often suck all the air out of a family but not in a good way. Other children get cheated out of attention.</p><p></p><p>Spouses fight over the adult child and marriages fail.</p><p></p><p>All situations ARE different. A seventeen year old is still a minor. There is a lot of growth between 17 and 20 in normal adult children. I have a 20 year old who goes to school and works almist full time. She is in a stable relationship and never would do drugs. She is going to be a cop. And she couldn't read until age 8...she had learning disabilities but did not quit trying</p><p></p><p>Many twenty year olds are juniors in college, in the military or working full time. The adult children on this forum do not or can not grow up. We try to get them to launch or we hope and hopefully we make a decision that we can see is helping them. We can lead them to water. We can't make them drink.</p><p></p><p>Having said that...</p><p></p><p>I don't believe there is any right way to cure our over 19 adults. They have to do it. If they steal, lie and abuse us, we have to decide how we want to deal with it. It is about us and what we are willing to tolerate and what the other loved ones living at home can handle, if others are there.</p><p></p><p>Nobody wrote the formula yet on curing drug addicted kids who won't work. It's our personal choice how much we can handle. This isn't an exact science. I do know I made my drug addicted daughter leave and she quit using drugs twelve years ago. She is now a productive hard working mother. She says I did the right thing.</p><p></p><p>So that is my experience</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 703935, member: 1550"] The kicking them out is not necessarily for them. As we all know, only they can change themselvrs, wherever they are. Sometimes there are younger kids at home and they need peace and to feel safe. Sometimes we are too stressed and it is making us sick so we do it for us. It's not healthy when adult children cause us the degree of pain and and fear our grown kids do, often knowingly. It IS an individual decision but it's not therapeutic for them. It's for us and our other loved ones because our difficult children are not the only family member who matters. They often suck all the air out of a family but not in a good way. Other children get cheated out of attention. Spouses fight over the adult child and marriages fail. All situations ARE different. A seventeen year old is still a minor. There is a lot of growth between 17 and 20 in normal adult children. I have a 20 year old who goes to school and works almist full time. She is in a stable relationship and never would do drugs. She is going to be a cop. And she couldn't read until age 8...she had learning disabilities but did not quit trying Many twenty year olds are juniors in college, in the military or working full time. The adult children on this forum do not or can not grow up. We try to get them to launch or we hope and hopefully we make a decision that we can see is helping them. We can lead them to water. We can't make them drink. Having said that... I don't believe there is any right way to cure our over 19 adults. They have to do it. If they steal, lie and abuse us, we have to decide how we want to deal with it. It is about us and what we are willing to tolerate and what the other loved ones living at home can handle, if others are there. Nobody wrote the formula yet on curing drug addicted kids who won't work. It's our personal choice how much we can handle. This isn't an exact science. I do know I made my drug addicted daughter leave and she quit using drugs twelve years ago. She is now a productive hard working mother. She says I did the right thing. So that is my experience [/QUOTE]
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