Hello everyone....this is a copy paste of my last post titled "My 20yr.old...mood swings or personality disorder". It just turned into a whole new problem... I just finished reading a few more pages in the book "Co-dependent no more", and do believe it is as you say and I'm still guilty of defending my son. It is horrible when I do this with my husband but he downs my son so bad and I feel it's not fair for my son who can't defend himself with any of the things my husband says about him. One example... A few months ago my husbands youngest brother died, an overdose of heroin caused him to have a heart attack. Well, my husband was very upset at 2 friends of his that didn't show up to the funeral and of course my son didn't show up either. Well, my son did have an appointment. in the morning to see his Public defender which was quite a distance from us. However my son could've showed up at his parents house afterwards for food, etc. mainly to show his respects. Well, my son to took the brunt of it...made my husband even worse about kicking him out, he said it was "the last straw". Of course mommy fought him on it which brought out the monster in him. I told him my son has never been to a funeral (which is true), I told him it's always been just the kids and I. He's doesn't know how to show respect for the dead. Truth is I was texting my son like a mad woman begging him to show up. I've yelled at my son many times about his disrespectful behavior but I've told my husband this but he will say "I've never heard you do you do that". I told him I can never scold my son in front of him, and my husband responds with the truth.."YOU'RE JUST AFRAID OF WHAT HE WILL SAY!" honestly the yelling and arguing in the house was crazy. But...he would go further and say "If I ever hear him say the wrong thing to my wife, I will punch him right in his face and break his nose"....so how am I suppose to deal with that? I don't think he would really ever do that , but just the fact that he would say such a horrible thing. In the meantime...my son has no idea of the real words my husband will say about him. No my husband has never hit me, or my daughter for that matter. In fact he is very sweet to her ...we both are.She is so precious to us, my son loves her to death also. Now I will say that although my husband has never threatened to hit me...I feel as though I've most certainly been mentally abused by him. Almost always concerning my son...but also with other issues between us, mostly silly stuff. The other silly things like when the kitchen disposal stops working because I've accidentally dropped something in it ...that sort of thing. He wouldn't fly off the handle but it's always enough to have me all upset and in my mind thinking how awful he is about my son. He even had his ex wife take him to court about something and my husband yelled at the judge so he was not only in contempt but ordered to go to anger management. Now, my husband has been clean for about 8 years , went to the whole AA meetings. Did the whole 12 step thing.etc. but there still is a mean person deep inside. Sorry this is so lengthily... Anywho...I think the bottom line here concerning my son...is that it's not so much what my husband is saying , it's more like the way he says it". To threaten my son physically is worse than threatening me, and he knows it. PS.. My husband threatened to leave me, stop paying bills, allow our house to go into foreclosure, and when none of that hurt me he said the final thing which was "If I find your son still in the house when I come home I will have the police escort him out of here in handcuffs". All this and my son has NEVER said a nasty word to him. Now that my son is gone, it has brought peace in the house for him...for me my heart is broken. I'm so sad. I gained 15 pounds in just a few months.