20 yr old smoking drugs

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by joleg, Jun 15, 2013.

  1. joleg

    joleg New Member

    I had suspicion that my 20 yr old son was using. Until about 2 months ago, he was in first year college, was doing fine, was going to the gym every day, eating healthy...All that changed suddenly. He would stay in the basement, playing games when not in school, my basement looks like a dumpster, dirty dishes, clothes everywhere. I keep telling him to clean, he keeps telling me that yes, in about 1/2 hour, and it's not done, it keeps getting worst, no more going to the gym, he would avoid talking to us, became very withdrawn. Got a call from a college teacher who was looking for him (he had left that morning for school), telling me that lately, he's missed several school project and missing a lot of classes.
    I asked him about a month ago if he had started using again and he said no.
    Yesterday, he came home for a minute to grab something and I smelled it on him, really strong smell. Now I've cried a lot since, I am so scared about the future will be for him. I don't know where to turn. He is very confrontational. I would do anything to help him.
  2. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I can relate to how you are feeling, I go thru that every day of my life with Angel, that loss of control. Coming to terms with the fact that she is a legal adult and can do what she wants has been hard on me. I know that I enable Angel to be like this to a certain degree. The best advise I can give is acknowledge there is a difference between providing basics for survival and enabling. One way of enabling any drug addict is giving them access to cash or anything easy to sell to get cash, eventually their loser friends will get tired of supporting them and hopefully they will get a job. As far as the walking slum thing with my kids when they start to smell I would spray a squirt of Febreeze at them and they would stay out of my arms reach until they decided to bath. Good luck with this and if anyone has more idea's I've got similar issues going on here.

  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. I'm so sorry you have to join us but if you stick with the CD family it will keep you from feeling alone and afraid. This is a nice group of supportive parents.

    First...IF....you are using your "real" name, do go back and change it to something that is not a specific identifier. We all use anonymous identification so that we can pour out our hearts with-o fear of being identified by others on the internet. In addition to "new names" we do not show our City and often we choose to leave it as "the South" or "the Midwest" for the same reasons. The freedom to say what you truly feel and what is actually happening makes it well worth the effort of assuming another identification.

    Hugs are headed your way with very sincere hopes that this passes soon. on the other hand, sad to say, almost all of us have had to travel the addiction road for a rather long time when our much loved young adults opt for unhealthy, illegal and dangerous choices. If you read old posts in this PE section and also review posts in Substance Abuse you will have the reassurance that you are no longer alone. You will also read of the different paths we have chosen. Many parents try to ignore the problem. I have never known that to work out. Many tell their kids to leave the home if they are not willing to enter a rehab program. The most universal step is to work towards Detachment. The first entry in this section defines and explains Detachment and you likely will find it helpful.

    Based solely on my experience it sounds like your son is into more than pot (no, pot is not aok) and therefore he would be in more immediate danger from his choices. Do get familiar with our family stories and be sure to keep posting. It will be an enormous help to you...and therefore, it will be a big help to your son. DDD
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I'm so sorry he has relapsed.

    I agree with DDD, although I was one who made my daughter leave and cut off all money when she refused any treatment. It did help her. She quit. Doesn't mean doing that will work for all kids. Also, she was lucky that her older brother took her in, but his rules were strict and if she had so much had lit up one cigarette she would have been tossed in the streets and she knew it. If she had kept the basement, where she stayed, a mess, he would have also thrown her out. in my opinion nobody should have to put up with a grown child being a slob in her own house, but that's me.

    Detachment and going on with our own lives is universal here. We can not let our grown kids kill us or stop us from living good lives. If necessary, go to nar-anon or al-anon (most likely he is a problem drinker too if he smokes drugs). Usually (not always) drinking, recreational drug use and cigarettes go together.

    I hope you can learn to detach. Post again. We're here.