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20yo difficult child determined to get married - soon
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 498460" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>First, I would be just as terrified as you. So given that I am on the outside and really do get it that I can't put myself in your shoes, please know I will just throw out these thoughts but know fully well they may not apply at all.....</p><p></p><p>One thought is that since he is an aspie, he needs in black and white to see what it takes for marriage. You would? support him enthusiastically if he could show that he has a plan for a budget, living conditions, health care for his new wife and himself, other things??? cooking, shopping??? is there any kind of workbook like "am I ready for marriage??" maybe in a book store or even a religious book store, any religion may have such a thing but cover very basic real life marriage issues. would he be open to that at all if put to him that since they have decided this you really want them to be very successful because breaking up a marriage is very very painful. </p><p></p><p>Another thought (and again, dont even know if I could do this but easy to say on the outside) is.... Yes, her parents are not living the life you would choose and they seem very difficult child themselves. But they are married and OK right? Are you imposing unrealistic standards on them? Between the four of them do you think they could maintain a safe, if not ideal, life? I actually am for marriage even if people are developmentally delayed in areas of life, if they have support. I would not be thrilled about children being born to them at this point, and would encourage them to really cover that area well....but that can happen marriage or not. </p><p></p><p>If he is not under your guardianship then you really do not have say so I think you are wise to keep those lines of communication open because it is not like a person who is just choosing a bad path. They are vulnerable people who need some amount of protection. But they also have rights to typical choices that adults have including making a mistake and getting married too soon. As you said, a typical problem but really complicated by the special needs. I don't envy you at all.</p><p></p><p>I hope given the unrealistic view of a wedding etc, it just simply will remain talk. If they do marry, his obsession about her may pay off, he may be willing to do what it takes to keep a marriage going. I dont know him so that could be way off but it is again, just a thought.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and I really will be interested to see how this goes. I have asked the question many times about what to do about difficult child when he wants to have a girl friend or sex. No such thing as oral birth control for difficult child, I asked his pediatrician already! He said for him the fact he needs supervision constantly is going to be his only saving grace probably. UGG. These are big, difficult situations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 498460, member: 12886"] First, I would be just as terrified as you. So given that I am on the outside and really do get it that I can't put myself in your shoes, please know I will just throw out these thoughts but know fully well they may not apply at all..... One thought is that since he is an aspie, he needs in black and white to see what it takes for marriage. You would? support him enthusiastically if he could show that he has a plan for a budget, living conditions, health care for his new wife and himself, other things??? cooking, shopping??? is there any kind of workbook like "am I ready for marriage??" maybe in a book store or even a religious book store, any religion may have such a thing but cover very basic real life marriage issues. would he be open to that at all if put to him that since they have decided this you really want them to be very successful because breaking up a marriage is very very painful. Another thought (and again, dont even know if I could do this but easy to say on the outside) is.... Yes, her parents are not living the life you would choose and they seem very difficult child themselves. But they are married and OK right? Are you imposing unrealistic standards on them? Between the four of them do you think they could maintain a safe, if not ideal, life? I actually am for marriage even if people are developmentally delayed in areas of life, if they have support. I would not be thrilled about children being born to them at this point, and would encourage them to really cover that area well....but that can happen marriage or not. If he is not under your guardianship then you really do not have say so I think you are wise to keep those lines of communication open because it is not like a person who is just choosing a bad path. They are vulnerable people who need some amount of protection. But they also have rights to typical choices that adults have including making a mistake and getting married too soon. As you said, a typical problem but really complicated by the special needs. I don't envy you at all. I hope given the unrealistic view of a wedding etc, it just simply will remain talk. If they do marry, his obsession about her may pay off, he may be willing to do what it takes to keep a marriage going. I dont know him so that could be way off but it is again, just a thought. Good luck and I really will be interested to see how this goes. I have asked the question many times about what to do about difficult child when he wants to have a girl friend or sex. No such thing as oral birth control for difficult child, I asked his pediatrician already! He said for him the fact he needs supervision constantly is going to be his only saving grace probably. UGG. These are big, difficult situations. [/QUOTE]
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