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21 year old son in and out of house
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632753" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I am so sorry for your hurting mommy hearat. I do have a few questions.</p><p></p><p>1/He would be like this even if you hadn't divorced his father, right? And I assume your marriage was bad? Why feel guilty about that? Half of all kids lived in divorced homes and do not act like your son over it.</p><p></p><p>2? Why do you want to give him money? He is capable of working. He just doesn't really want to work. What would he spend the money on if you gave it to him? Drugs? Toys? You don't know?It does not make our grown children's lives better when we throw money at them. If your family thinks you should, let them do it. In the end, they will see what you see. It doesn't matter what they think, if you can remember that. I don't feel it is ever good to listen to family advice from the clueless.</p><p></p><p>3/why would you take care of a twenty year old man? He is old enough to fight for his country. why does he still need a mommy? You are his mother now, not his mommy. It's different.</p><p></p><p>It ends for many of us when we join groups or get into therapy that help us realize we are not responsible for anyone except us. we can't control other people, including our adult children. Like we did, they have to walk their own path and learn from thier mistakes, but nobody can save them .did your family take care of all your financial needs at his age and beyond? Until you get serious help either from a Twelve Step Group or a private therapist for YOU or both, it is hard to end it because we are not objective and we act out of emotion. We really do need support!</p><p></p><p>Sounds to me like he just doesn't want to follow any rules, but life isn't like that and you can't fix it. I'm sure you tried and it didn't work. "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again when you keep getting the same results."</p><p></p><p>Your son displayed dangerous, aggressive behavior. in my opinion you shouldn't let him live with you, especially if other children live there, but to protect yourself too!</p><p></p><p>P.S.--I would never do his laundry. If he stinks, he stinks. He will suffer natural consequences from that. He knows how to do the laundry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632753, member: 1550"] Hi there. I am so sorry for your hurting mommy hearat. I do have a few questions. 1/He would be like this even if you hadn't divorced his father, right? And I assume your marriage was bad? Why feel guilty about that? Half of all kids lived in divorced homes and do not act like your son over it. 2? Why do you want to give him money? He is capable of working. He just doesn't really want to work. What would he spend the money on if you gave it to him? Drugs? Toys? You don't know?It does not make our grown children's lives better when we throw money at them. If your family thinks you should, let them do it. In the end, they will see what you see. It doesn't matter what they think, if you can remember that. I don't feel it is ever good to listen to family advice from the clueless. 3/why would you take care of a twenty year old man? He is old enough to fight for his country. why does he still need a mommy? You are his mother now, not his mommy. It's different. It ends for many of us when we join groups or get into therapy that help us realize we are not responsible for anyone except us. we can't control other people, including our adult children. Like we did, they have to walk their own path and learn from thier mistakes, but nobody can save them .did your family take care of all your financial needs at his age and beyond? Until you get serious help either from a Twelve Step Group or a private therapist for YOU or both, it is hard to end it because we are not objective and we act out of emotion. We really do need support! Sounds to me like he just doesn't want to follow any rules, but life isn't like that and you can't fix it. I'm sure you tried and it didn't work. "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again when you keep getting the same results." Your son displayed dangerous, aggressive behavior. in my opinion you shouldn't let him live with you, especially if other children live there, but to protect yourself too! P.S.--I would never do his laundry. If he stinks, he stinks. He will suffer natural consequences from that. He knows how to do the laundry. [/QUOTE]
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21 year old son in and out of house
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