21 year old son

Greg B

New Member
Hi Greg, my daughter had the same problem with smoking pot and drinking. She barely graduated high school and was suspended from college in the first semester for smoking and drinking. We live in a medium size community but my husband is in the legal profession so every time she had to go to court it was uncomfortable. Of course all the magistrates and judges knew him so they figured we were already doing a better job than they could have. But for a long time I was afraid to show my face in our community. Then I learned that we were not alone and there were many other parents living the same nightmare.

Aren't you amazed that so many other young people can smoke pot and have no negative effects yet ours are completely unmotivated and irresponsible? They are trying to legalize pot in my state, it was just turned down this month, but it will pass soon I am sure. That will just reinforce to her that's it's ok. Fortunately she saw that her life was unmanageable and stopped smoking, but still drinks way too much. She obviously has the addiction gene.

Hopefully being out on the street on his own will wake him up. Of course he will blame you because after all everyone else smokes and they are ok. They don't get that they process it differently just like an alcoholic does.

by the way I was saddened that my daughter threw away every opportunity we gave her and now struggles in life because of it, but it was her choice. Even though she works and we now have a good relationship she gave up so much by her early choices. Sad isn't it?

Yes, it's sad, but it sounds as though you've made a few baby steps, and I hope those steps continue. Who knows? Maybe it's just her path. Strangely, even though I feel as though my son and I have lost touch, when we do see each other (like on Thanksgiving) I feel proud of the guy he's become. Of course, it was a holiday, and I wasn't going to press him with pragmatics, but seeing him reunite with his brother and his cousins gave me some hope.

And yes, I'm amazed (and a little resentful) how other kids can continue their educations and follow their dreams while smoking pot, while it seems to have rendered my boy hapless and helpless. He can't see it yet. Or if he does, he feels helpless to do anything about it. As a former recreational user, I don't recognize myself now when I talk about pot and the harm it can do. It's hard not to sound like an evangelist. But I remember my boy before he smoked and that's the son I recognize, and won't give up on.
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
My step-son told me something years ago that has stuck with me because I believe it is true--at least for him, and maybe it applies to others.

"I don't have a drug of choice--I will use anything to get high. Doesn't matter. Whatever is around."

Right now he quite openly talks about how he drinks alcohol ALL THE TIME, when not working. It is legal and easy to obtain and won't get him busted in an impromptu drug test at work. He uses other things as well, pot at least, but he has to be more careful because of testing issues.
 

Greg B

New Member
So sorry he's abusing alcohol. Try to view his holding a job as a positive 'til he gets it together.

I have to say, alcohol would be a step up for my boy. Pot is his nemesis. It's taken his drive, self-esteem, sense of humor, friends, compassion, and probably seven other things I can't think of right now.
 

Greg B

New Member
Well, I have guardedly optimistic news: The guy who is the subject of this thread got a job at a local restaurant and has shown up for it five times. I'm keeping my joy in check, because I have been buoyed then disappointed countless times, but I want to report this good news. Thanks to all for your support.
 

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
Yay, guardedly optimistic is way better than what I could share right at this moment. Fingers and toes crossed for your boy, to stay on track. It is good to read positive news, mahalo for sharing Greg. We'll take the small blessings and work with those!
leafy
 
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