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22, with 4 month old now stealing from us.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 638024" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Sorry you had to come here, but welcome. You did a fine job of explaining and posted in the right place.</p><p></p><p>Hon, you can not control your daughter's bad choices. She is an adult. You are no longer responsible for your daughter, who seems to be determined to ruin her life, at least for now. You have other people, who are not imploding, to worry about and one of them is YOU. You would not be a monster to throw her out. It's what most of us have had to do. By your daughter's actions, I am guessing she and her boyfriend are using drugs. They steal for drug money and they lose their earlier vision of life and then want us to fund their lifestyles, no matter how old they are, if we will pay for them.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, it does not seem like you will be able to have a normal adult/parent relationship with this daughter or be a normal grandmother to this baby. Are you rich enough to support your daughter's family? I am guessing that you pay for everything for them and that she does not pay rent, work, help out around the house and disrupts your seventeen year old's once peaceful life. Before you do anything else, my advice would be to toss Boyfriend out the door. if he is also there. That isn't clear to me. He isn't your family. </p><p></p><p>Your home is your castle. It is not your daughter's house. In the end, she will probably have to leave. If you feel your granddaughter is in danger, do not hesitate to call CPS on your daughter. The little one is the only one who needs protection and you do not have to choose to raise her. Your daughter has already been pregnant twice. Who knows how many babies she will have in the end?</p><p></p><p>Our defiant adult children tend to be very resourceful. She will find the homeless shelters and places to eat. What would really solve her problem, a job, doesn't seem to be in her plans right now. The holidays, in my opinion, are irrelevant. She can come to them without living in your house. If she gets furious because you won't support her, as if she were a little child, well, then she will probably lash out, throw an adult tantrum, and not show up. This is a typical pattern with our grown children who don't want to grow up, but who want us to treat them as if they are acting like adults EXCEPT if we stop paying their way and EXCEPT if we expect them to get sober, find jobs, and move out.</p><p></p><p>The best advice I can give you is to read the article above on Detachment to learn how to stay out of your grown daughter's drama. You taught her better than she is behaving. I don't believe in enabling adult children. It doesn't work in making them responsible adults and it makes our lives miserable and we count too. Yes, you matter as much as your daughter does.</p><p></p><p> Adoption is still an option for such a young infant.</p><p></p><p>I feel really badly for you. You were a good mother and don't deserve to have your daughter plopping on your couch and expect you to support her. My advice is to read the detachment article, go to a Twelve Step Meeting maybe or get a private therapist, and step back. Yes, yes, it's terribly difficult, but your own life, and that of your other loved ones, plus your own will be ruined if you don't respect your daughter enough to let her learn on her own, even if it's a rough ride for her.</p><p></p><p>Most of us on his forum are or were in your shoes, and we are trying to detach so that we can have lives of our own and to take good care of ourselves. I'm really sorry that your daughter is putting you through this, however it is your own decision whether or not to put up with it. You can't change her, but you can change how you react to her neverending soap opera. You can jump off the merry-go-round of insanity.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart. I used to say for your hurting mommy heart, but we are not mommies anymore. We are adult mothers with adult children.</p><p></p><p>Others will come along later on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 638024, member: 1550"] Hi there. Sorry you had to come here, but welcome. You did a fine job of explaining and posted in the right place. Hon, you can not control your daughter's bad choices. She is an adult. You are no longer responsible for your daughter, who seems to be determined to ruin her life, at least for now. You have other people, who are not imploding, to worry about and one of them is YOU. You would not be a monster to throw her out. It's what most of us have had to do. By your daughter's actions, I am guessing she and her boyfriend are using drugs. They steal for drug money and they lose their earlier vision of life and then want us to fund their lifestyles, no matter how old they are, if we will pay for them. Unfortunately, it does not seem like you will be able to have a normal adult/parent relationship with this daughter or be a normal grandmother to this baby. Are you rich enough to support your daughter's family? I am guessing that you pay for everything for them and that she does not pay rent, work, help out around the house and disrupts your seventeen year old's once peaceful life. Before you do anything else, my advice would be to toss Boyfriend out the door. if he is also there. That isn't clear to me. He isn't your family. Your home is your castle. It is not your daughter's house. In the end, she will probably have to leave. If you feel your granddaughter is in danger, do not hesitate to call CPS on your daughter. The little one is the only one who needs protection and you do not have to choose to raise her. Your daughter has already been pregnant twice. Who knows how many babies she will have in the end? Our defiant adult children tend to be very resourceful. She will find the homeless shelters and places to eat. What would really solve her problem, a job, doesn't seem to be in her plans right now. The holidays, in my opinion, are irrelevant. She can come to them without living in your house. If she gets furious because you won't support her, as if she were a little child, well, then she will probably lash out, throw an adult tantrum, and not show up. This is a typical pattern with our grown children who don't want to grow up, but who want us to treat them as if they are acting like adults EXCEPT if we stop paying their way and EXCEPT if we expect them to get sober, find jobs, and move out. The best advice I can give you is to read the article above on Detachment to learn how to stay out of your grown daughter's drama. You taught her better than she is behaving. I don't believe in enabling adult children. It doesn't work in making them responsible adults and it makes our lives miserable and we count too. Yes, you matter as much as your daughter does. Adoption is still an option for such a young infant. I feel really badly for you. You were a good mother and don't deserve to have your daughter plopping on your couch and expect you to support her. My advice is to read the detachment article, go to a Twelve Step Meeting maybe or get a private therapist, and step back. Yes, yes, it's terribly difficult, but your own life, and that of your other loved ones, plus your own will be ruined if you don't respect your daughter enough to let her learn on her own, even if it's a rough ride for her. Most of us on his forum are or were in your shoes, and we are trying to detach so that we can have lives of our own and to take good care of ourselves. I'm really sorry that your daughter is putting you through this, however it is your own decision whether or not to put up with it. You can't change her, but you can change how you react to her neverending soap opera. You can jump off the merry-go-round of insanity. Hugs for your hurting heart. I used to say for your hurting mommy heart, but we are not mommies anymore. We are adult mothers with adult children. Others will come along later on. [/QUOTE]
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