Wow, how come I'm just now finding this site? Here's my story as short as possible: My son who is now 23 has been difficult from a fairly young age. Special Education, iep, adhd... single mother, abusive nonpresent father. When he was 15 his school was threatening to put him into canyon state, a school for kids with behavior problems. I put him into a military school instead, 6 month hard core, project challenge was the name. Great program! He was proud and confident upon graduation. Anyway, that was short lived. He returned to his bad behaviors, his bad friends, influences. I ended up kicking him out shortly after his 18th birthday. I did the whole bit, restraining order, alarm system, homeless starving phone calls, driving the streets for hours trying to find him, non stop crying and fear, bringing him back to only kick him out or call the police shortly after. I did that for a year until he was arrested for money laundering with a group of homeless kids. Felony. He spent 2 years in prison and was released on his 21st birthday. He came home to stay with me and could not be respectful. Stealing, lying, mouthing off, threats, blames me for his arrest and homelessness.... Out! I can't take it. Prison was harder on me than it was on him. He is now living with his girlfriend in a dirty apartment, not working, expects hand outs, calls crying that he doesn't know how to do anything. That I never taught him anything. I am filled with guilt and shame. The pain is so deep and literal. I know I have to be hands off, but, Jesus have mercy! I've just been diagnosed with graves disease, hyperthyroidism, and I swear it's from years of fear. I would discribe to people the way I felt was like the feeling of falling, that panic feeling, but it was constant, and now cronic. I have always doubted my decision, and wondered, what if? But really, what other options did I have? He's 6'5 and threatening. I'm so frightened still. This has gone on way to long and now affects my health. It's strange how no matter what they do, you still love them with every part of your soul.