29 yr old with-Bipolar

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by cats55, May 27, 2008.

  1. cats55

    cats55 New Member

    This is my first time to post so I hope that I'm doing it correctly. My 29 yr old daughter was diagnosed with Bipolar about a year ago. The doctors have yet to prescribe the correct medication. My thought is that she has ODD instead of bipolar (or could be both). I'm raising her 2 children and she's doing, well, not much. I don't believe she has any desire to get her children back. She has no job and is living in an apartment with no electricity or water and has been for about a month and a half. It's all I can do not to rescue her, but I know that for her sake I can't do that - obviously, I've done it too much. She blames me for most of her problems and says even now that I'm horrible because I'm not meeting her basic needs. I'm standing firm, but don't know how much longer I can do that. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me?
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hi Cats. I wanted to welcome you to this site and our forum. I also want to encourage you to create a profile signature so that you don't have to repeat your story every time you post. You can find directions in the "FAQ/Board Help" Forum. I'll post the link for you in a bit. With so many of us, having a signature really helps us remember each other.


    Your daughter.

    Is there a reason her medications aren't working? Is she seeing a psychiatrist regularly? Who evaluated and diagnosed her? Is she not medication-compliant?

    From what you have described it doesn't sound like she is interested in changing.......or much of a reason to either. How does she pay rent on where she's living? Can you fill us in with a little more background?

  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi Cats,

    Welcome to the board. had to tell you - got a chuckle after reading your post and how tough you have managed to be and stay and the amount of tough love you are still giving despite the fact that your daughter is doing all this and you're raising her kids - and you ask US for help. (sorry gotta giggle) We should be asking you how you've managed to detach and do so well. Bravo Mom.

    There are a lot of adult BPpeople here on the board that will come along and give you their insight and wisdom. Just hang tough - glad you found us. It's a great place for support.

  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Welcome Cats,

    You could not have found a better place to be.

    You are right, saving your daughter is not the answer. It's a tough spot to be in. So sorry that you had to find us, but glad you DID find us. Pull up a chair and get comfy.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I ditto BBK. Welcome to the board.

  7. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I'll add my welcome too! I could have almost written your story, except my difficult child is 23 and has one child. My difficult child is not medication compliant, doesn't even acknowledge she is bipolar. I can at least set your mind at ease, (unless you know otherwise) that all of their problems are not because we did too much. My difficult child continues to live a dysfunctional life and we have not contributed to her dysfunction. In fact have been very hard nosed about it. She is 23 yrs. old and has yet to be self supporting in anyway. I don't believe she has ever kept a job for even a year. Always got herself fired. Very sad.

    So that you don't end up with more of her children................... have you considered offering to pay for an IUD?
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm saddened to read of all the stress you've been under. I too agree that you are doing a good job. I would make it known that if she choses to have any more children, that you will NOT be caring for them. If any more children come along, I would seek alternative arrangments. I WOULD arrange for her to get birthcontrol and pay for that. I would be open to signing her up for and paying for vocational school. If you can afford it, I would pay for her to see a therapist and I would pay for her to see a psychiatrist to review her medication. That's about it. Hopefully the medical professionals can get her in a better place with reference to her medications and thinking overall. If at some point things do not improve, despite repeated efforts, I would look into social security disability. There is a separate area on this board for questions related to that.
  9. cats55

    cats55 New Member

    Thanks to all of you for your responses. And thank you Suz for helping me set up my signature.

    Questions: What does difficult child & easy child mean?

    Just to let you know, I insisted that my daughter have her tubes tied after she had her last child because I knew I would end up with all of them. And the doctor said that was done (sure hope he told me the truth) :whew:

    As far as I know, she is taking most of her medications. She does, however, self medicate with marijuana. I think she gets frustrated easily with the medication if it does not work after a week or so. Then she thinks the medications need to be changed and we go back through the cycle over and over again.

    The last time she paid rent, I helped with some of it. She is now waiting on her tax stimulus to pay what she is behind. She has an on and off boyfriend, who according to her is the only one that cares enough to help her; however, most of the time he's pretty dead beat. So I don't know how it is that he's helping her, I do know that she's without electric and water.