3 months here and the Door is off!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totoro, Nov 11, 2008.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well we had to take her door off tonight. The funny thing is the little @&$^@ could care less. She helped Daddy take it off.
    She had been slamming it in our faces and locking herself in/us out.
    We had those rubber door slam/close protector on it and she slammed so hard it broke that off!

    She has loosened the hinges and uses it as a source of her rage. We have warned her that she might hurt herself or one of us. She might brake the door. And she just has to figure out another way to get her anger out.
    So tonight when she threw a bunch of plastic pieces at N.
    I asked her not to throw things... "I didn't" "OK well if you did, let's not throw stuff, OK" I tried the, OK please just don't throw things...

    Argument went from there... to door slamming... almost 2 weeks of door slamming.
    Door finally came off after numerous warnings.

    It is actually kind of funny. She could care less... we will see during her next rage. therapist apt tomorrow.
     
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I wonder how long it will take her to care. Miss KT tore her door off the hinges and threw it at me...was it last year or two years ago? Anyway, watching her try to slam a curtain was hilarious. The only reason she even got a curtain was because her room is directly connected to our room...no hallway...and we wanted a little bit of privacy!

    Sending many hugs.
     
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I think if she was a little bit stronger that thing would have been off! Right now it is lots of stuffed animals flying through the air!!! Which you try not to laugh at!!!
    Luckily she is still young, mentally, that she doesn't really realize how much real damage she can do, yet, one day!
     
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yeah, we've removed the door before after numerous slamming offenses. They care a bit more about privacy when they're teenagers.

    Do you have a punching bag for her? If not, I'd recommend getting one from a sporting good store (make sure it's not too hard to punch) and hang it in her room from one of the beams in the ceiling. Or if not there, the garage, or the back patio...

    Plastic baseball bat on the punching bag is another option...

    Hope the appointment is helpful tomorrow!

    Hugs!
     
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How about one of those rock 'em sock 'em clowns? She'll miss the door soon enough. I have to admit, I liked slamming things until I was close to 40. Once in a blue moon I'll still do it, but it takes weeks and weeks of stress. :embarrassed: It might be a good thing to have something that she can get her aggression out on that isn't off limits.
     
  6. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    I am sorry to read about your hard time. The door thing is a bit funny at the moment but obviously would get serious over the years as she gains strength.
    My son always bangs the doors non stop when he starts and if we ignore he opens our bedroom door and bangs that shut on and off too!!
    A bit more scary as hes now 22.

    I do resort to a bit of door slamming when I have had enough as well.
    Maybe its in the family!
     
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Totoro,

    Sorry things are rough and the door had to come off. Unfortunately, thinking back, when difficult child 1 was small, it wouldn't bother him either if he didn't have a bedroom door. I'm very glad she has a therapist appointment today!!!

    in my humble opinion, you're amazing!!! It's great that you can laugh at situations like this, fully understand that your daughter is sick and wouldn't act like this if she could help it, and have as much patience as you do. You're a fantastic mom!!!

    When difficult child 1 was small, I wasn't able to find the humor in his rages. I just wanted to leave him on the corner of our street with a free sign hanging around his neck... Even though difficult child 2 expressed himself differently than difficult child 1 when he was young, I wanted to leave him with his brother on the corner of our street too. I was too fried and frazzled and felt like I was living in the depths of HE77...

    If I had been able to see things differently then, I think my life could have been a bit easier... I know, we do as best as we can at the time and when we're given new information and new ways of handling things, we do better. I really, really wish I knew about this bb when my difficult children were younger!!!

    Anyway, enough about me - This is your thread. I hope the therapist appointment goes well. I hope today is a much more peaceful day for you. Sending calming, peaceful thoughts your way... WFEN
     
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    My guess is she'll miss the door after a while- I'd just play along and see if she doesn't start complaining about not having it- maybe she can earn it back by showing more constructive (or less destructive) ways of getting her anger out. Not that I'm an expert at this, LOL, I used to slam doors and so did difficult child. Now, difficult child puts holes in the walls. This is despite removing his door when he was younger and letting him go outside and hit a tree with a hammer or bash old things planned to be taken to the dump, etc.
     
  9. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I remember when Major was very small putting him in a corner and having him count to ten, then when a little older, I had him do the alphabet. I use to tell the caseworker at the time.it didn't do anything for the behavior...but the kid has his counting and alphabet down! LOL

    When I removed Major's door I had him do 30 school related worksheets to earn it back, I guess he was around 8 at the time. He was/is very resistant to school work. He did a great job and I got to sneak some education into him. The next time he worked the door over, he removed it himself before we could. He is much better about it now, (he prefers walls) LOL

    I hope you have better luck.
     
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Ughhh.............doors. I firmly believe no household of a difficult child should have them.:tongue:
    They only become an object of their rage.

    I giggled envisioning a difficult child trying to slam a curtain.
    Although my difficult child would have just torn the whole thing down.

    Sorry things are so rough with her. How do you like the new psychiatrist? Any new ideas for medications or help for her?
     
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    No medication changes just yet. We are trying to let her just live for awhile and try some therapist things. psychiatrist is going to add Lithium next most likely when we can't handle it anymore or K gets so much worse.
    She has not noticed the door yet... so funny.
    The thing that psychiatrist's and therapist's and School always forget is that K has been in School since she was a little over 2, should be socially a little better. And both husband and I have to stay at home to keep her at a even level. Even a little stable.

    I say all of the time, if both of us worked or I was single, no way. Flat out noway. So is she stable? Maybe for 2 people working full time on her stability.... Is she doing OK in School, maybe for someone who has been in a private School since 26 months old.

    But the door does make me laugh!!! I like the idea of the punching clown!!!
    Thanks, I am kind of glad we all have door issues...
     
  12. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Toto...all of the bedroom doors in my house have been carefully taped back together by me with packing tape. They took so much abuse, they literally fell apart.

    Now that difficult child is out of the house, I should see about replacing them, but I'm sort of waiting on tenterhooks for Little easy child to get a bit older before I do. (So far he's not a door slammer, but I'm just paranoid I guess since the older 2 are.)
     
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    We still have holes in the walls in Miss KT's former room, soon to become my library. I also have a chunk of tile on my kitchen counter missing. And broken pans, broken dishes...she's the reason I never bought glasses made from anything but plastic.
     
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time too. I can totally understand with the door issue, we have the same problem here. I have yet to remove it. I keep grabbing a pillow and giving it to her everytime she flies, I tel her to punch it hard.

    She's more verbally destructive though, that's her "thing".

    So, I"m guessing she will notice that the door is off at next rage. Have you ever tried a punching bag? If you have somewhere to put it.

    I say that as well at times to myself, their needs outweigh our everyday routines, whether it be work, or food shopping, etc. It can be rough.

    Good luck with the door removed. I hope it works and she redirects.
     
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Toto,
    I've never removed a door yet. My difficult child wouldn't care either-he rarely is in his room. easy child on the other hand hmmm? Oh yeah she would hate it.

    Sorry you are having to deal with this.
     
  16. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Tonight!
    "I wish I had my door so I could slam it in your face!!!" Commence 7.5 yo manic girl screaming.... hour later lots of stuff thrown and broken.
    That was the only mention of the door.
    But I think she wished she could have been slamming it!
    She did walk by it today in the garage and say I will get my door back if I don't get mad for awhile?
    We talked about it again.
    but alas no luck tonight again for something like 2 weeks straight another rage.
    More I want to die etc.
    I think we are going to have to stop her piano lessons as well, it is too much for her.
    Life is too much for her right now.

    Yes Jen we have spent years in Occupational Therapist (OT) and seeing TDOCs and all of the "I can hit a pillow BS, I am a Volcano, where is my engine when I am seeing red..." It doesn't
    work when K is Manic or raging. I might try the huge boxing bag???

    I have 2 options at this point, restraining her or letting it play it out.

    We have family therapist on Friday... we shall see.
    Poor thing said she feel like she is stuck in a cave. We may have to have an earlier apt with psychiatrist or email...
     
  17. Feeling Helpless

    Feeling Helpless Oldie but Goodie

    We also had to remove our 7 yr old difficult child's door last week. We got tired of him slamming it and throwing things at it. We have not put it back yet. He could care less. When do you think you might put it back?
     
  18. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Feeling helpless~
    Well since she is still raging and could care less! Maybe never. LOL I really do not know, we are going to have to talk more with therapist and psychiatrist and access her stability. I really don't think she is stable enough right now to fully understand all of it nor be able to control her moods. Let alone even manage her moods a little.
    Sorry you had to take off the door as well! I hope it helps.
     
  19. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    I know how you feel totoro!

    We have never had to resort to taking a door off because he rather put a hole in a door or a wall instead, or snip wires from his easy child (which he does not have anymore) or throw and break playstation games or recently he pounded in a metal trashcan. The psychiatrist says his medications are fine but it is a coping issue. DO YA THINK?:slap:LOL I wonder if you will have to resort to having a behaviorist coming to your house 1 or 2 times a week to start giving her coping skills with her anger. We have a behaviorist out at our house twice a week and I think he has his work cut out for him for my son. Good luck hon for what ever possibly works for your daughter.

    ((((((HUGS)))))))
     
  20. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    difficult child's door is still up but has a lot of "battle scars"!! He has thrown so many things at it, I can't even remember them all... I had to change out his electrical outlet cover because he threw something at it and it shattered into a million pieces.

    HUGS!!!
     
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