3 weeks inpatient update

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by comatheart, Mar 31, 2014.

  1. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    My difficult child has been inpatient (again) for just over 3 weeks now.

    We spoke with him a week in, during a family counseling session. He was very down and all of his responses were about proving to us this, and that. It was VERY obvious he was doing this for us and not himself. Well we all know that wont work!

    Last week the family counselor asked if we could skip our family session so he could work 1:1 with-him because he continues to struggle.

    Friday, difficult child didn't call us for his weekly phone call.

    Today we find out hes been cheeking his medications!!

    WHEN is he going to get serious about all of this?! I'm sick to my stomach knowing we're paying for this stay and he's just blowing it off. he might as well say look mom! Watch as I light thousands of dollars on fire and throw them in the air!!!

    My hubby and I have decided he's not coming home when he gets out or leaves. We will help him pay up front costs to get into a sober living, then probably wean our portion over a month or two so he gradually pays it on his own. He is going to FLIP when he finds out. :(
     
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hugs... it is very hard. I think being clear that you love him but you will not have him come home is a good idea. I think eventually they have to realize this is their journey and they have to find their way.... you will help with a flashlight or a lantern but you wont carry them on your backs.

    TL


    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
     
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. Several of us have had to make that decision too. We let our difficult child come home and in hindsight we should have had her go to a sober house, which she ended up in months later anyway. It's good to have a plan in place.
     
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    '

    When he is sick and tired of being sick and tired, Comatheart. Then and only then.

    Good for you. Be sure to let him know that well in advance so you have done your part.

    Not to be flip myself, but so what? Think of all of the times you have flipped out because of something he has done. I used to take all of the hits myself while continuing to protect his "fragile self" or so I thought. Well anybody who can do the things my difficult child has done isn't so fragile, or at the very least, I count as much as he does.

    I understand how sickening it is to hear from him and from the professionals that our difficult children aren't participating. I paid $6000 for my son to go to rehab the first time for 30 days. At the end of it all, at his graduation ceremony (ha!), there was a big roundtable discussion and his dad and I were both there. His fellows in rehab talked about how sad they all were that my difficult child had not fully participated and in fact resisted the entire 30 days he was there. They were honest and direct and sad. It was awful to sit there and hear that and feel so helpless. That was nearly four years ago. I should have never manipulated and coerced him into rehab. It wasn't anybody's "fault" but my own. I insisted he go and would hear of nothing else.

    It will never work until he is ready for it to work and wants to change as bad as he wants drugs.

    Comatheart, I am reading a great book that I want to recommend to you: When the Servant Becomes the Master. It not only goes into the biochemisty of addiction, the facts really help "normalize" this disease as very much like any chronic disease, requiring lots of treatment over long periods of time to "manage" the disease. They are never cured. It is very hopeful, because it is based in medical fact, not in willpower, morality or behavior.

    Finally, I am just sorry. Truly. This disease takes no prisoners. It affects everybody and we all go down with it. I am in fact hopeful that you and husband are at a turning point and I encourage you to continue your work.

    Hugs and prayers for you both tonight.
     
  5. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Thanks guys. COM, I will definitely add that one to my reading list! I am regretting pushing him into going back to treatment this time. I mean, I'm so glad he's there in a safe place... I just think it was a mistake because he doesnt seem to care. I hate thinking about the disease aspect. Its hard to remain hopeful when you know they will never be cured. Ever.
    :( * sigh*
     
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    They will never be cured but they can stop when they are truly ready. It is one day at a time. I remain hopeful for your difficult child. He is still young.

    Hugs,
    LMS
     
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Comat, there is a young man 22 who was in rehab with my difficult child three years ago. He used every drug out there. He came out of rehab and relapsed, went to a recovery house and he has been clean now for almost 2 1/2 years. He is the one who convinced my difficult child to go to a sober house when she relapsed after treatment. He is a wonderful inspiration. He continues to give back and help those in the sober house starting out on this journey. He did NOT want to get clean, he resisted with every bone in his body. I have become close to his mother and their story is remarkable. Even the director of his sober house said he was one of the hardest cases he's seen.

    Miracles do happen.
     
  8. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Nancy, this is what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you so much for sharing!
     
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    comaheart, the interventionist that we used told us only 15% of addicts/alcoholics seek treatment on their own. The vast majority go because of family pressure or a court order. Some get better and some do not but you don't know who it will be. Is it worth the chance it could be your son? Absolutely. Do you have to be aware that it might not be your son? Yes.

    However, a fellow board member said something to me that I value very much. She said that each time our troubled loved ones are in treatment they learn new skills about recovery and even though they might not apply them at that time, the knowledge is there and they can use it in the future.

    Even my difficult child said after she relapsed that she knew what she needed to do for recovery after her time in inpatient. She is just having trouble avoiding triggers. I am hoping that the current IOP will help her get there but am still cautious about my expectations.

    ~Kathy
     
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