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General Parenting
3 year old - what to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 255592" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Hi Tracy, </p><p> </p><p>Unless the behavior is very extreme, it's really hard at age three to know what you've got on your hands. There's a wide range of "normal" at this age. Some kids are better sleepers, some more toleratant, some more sensitive, some bossier, some with difficult personalities, etc. It makes it tough as a parent to determine if the little darlin's have some needs or are just regular three year olds with an edge.</p><p> </p><p>For me, what really matters is given all the issues, how well the child and the family functioning. When you're going through the potty training days it seems like the biggest problem ever, but in hindsight, outside of preschool, most parents find it wasn't so big after all. In the whole scheme of life, if it's come to be a battlefront, personally I'd set that one aside for now. Now crying immediately when his expectations aren't met, being mean, and not sleeping well can add up to some very difficult behavior! I'd suggest keeping a behavioral log for starters and see if you're seeing any patterns ie, do meltdowns occur on the same day that he has certain foods, or is he more difficult when he doesn't sleep, etc. </p><p> </p><p>What it does sound like to me is that you might have a child who isn't very flexible on your hands so maybe he just isn't ready for where you want him to be right now. Look carefully at your day for changes that might make life easier on both of you. For instance, many of us have found that feeding a child a healthy snack or early lunch when they're asking for food is a lot better than waiting until noon and living with a meltdown. For a lot of years I fed one of my kids according to when he asked for food and not by the clock and life was much better for it! Try playing around with bedtimes or seriously changing up bedtime routines to see if something works better. For instance, everything you'll ever read about computer games tells you they are stimulating and should be avoided at bedtime but I have a child who is settled down by 10-15 minutes right before he heads back to get ready for bed. I'm not saying to use computer games at age 3, just giving you an example that what's going on for a bedtime routine might not be serving the purpose and need to be rethought. Check out the thread about The Explosive Child at the top of this board for more ideas. </p><p> </p><p>A few questions:</p><p>1) What's the family mental health history like?</p><p>2) Any speech delays or differences?</p><p>3) When he's sleeping with you do you notice a lot of jerking or kicking around?</p><p>4) Are you seeing over reactions to things like foods, clothing, lights, sounds, etc?</p><p>5) Anything else unsual developmentally?</p><p> </p><p>Hang in there--we're just parents so none of us can tell you what's up but I think we can give you some help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 255592, member: 701"] Hi Tracy, Unless the behavior is very extreme, it's really hard at age three to know what you've got on your hands. There's a wide range of "normal" at this age. Some kids are better sleepers, some more toleratant, some more sensitive, some bossier, some with difficult personalities, etc. It makes it tough as a parent to determine if the little darlin's have some needs or are just regular three year olds with an edge. For me, what really matters is given all the issues, how well the child and the family functioning. When you're going through the potty training days it seems like the biggest problem ever, but in hindsight, outside of preschool, most parents find it wasn't so big after all. In the whole scheme of life, if it's come to be a battlefront, personally I'd set that one aside for now. Now crying immediately when his expectations aren't met, being mean, and not sleeping well can add up to some very difficult behavior! I'd suggest keeping a behavioral log for starters and see if you're seeing any patterns ie, do meltdowns occur on the same day that he has certain foods, or is he more difficult when he doesn't sleep, etc. What it does sound like to me is that you might have a child who isn't very flexible on your hands so maybe he just isn't ready for where you want him to be right now. Look carefully at your day for changes that might make life easier on both of you. For instance, many of us have found that feeding a child a healthy snack or early lunch when they're asking for food is a lot better than waiting until noon and living with a meltdown. For a lot of years I fed one of my kids according to when he asked for food and not by the clock and life was much better for it! Try playing around with bedtimes or seriously changing up bedtime routines to see if something works better. For instance, everything you'll ever read about computer games tells you they are stimulating and should be avoided at bedtime but I have a child who is settled down by 10-15 minutes right before he heads back to get ready for bed. I'm not saying to use computer games at age 3, just giving you an example that what's going on for a bedtime routine might not be serving the purpose and need to be rethought. Check out the thread about The Explosive Child at the top of this board for more ideas. A few questions: 1) What's the family mental health history like? 2) Any speech delays or differences? 3) When he's sleeping with you do you notice a lot of jerking or kicking around? 4) Are you seeing over reactions to things like foods, clothing, lights, sounds, etc? 5) Anything else unsual developmentally? Hang in there--we're just parents so none of us can tell you what's up but I think we can give you some help. [/QUOTE]
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