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30 Year Old BiPolar Daughter Going Downhill (again)
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 712804" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>The poem your mother often said is one I have thought about in reference to my own daughter who is 43 years old. </p><p></p><p>One of the bumps on my own path was to look at my daughter and see the little girl she once was....it would halt any attempts to detach from the adult woman she became. It's one of those things I had to breathe through.......and then make a difficult, new choice. </p><p></p><p>Another bump was that like you, I did not have a healthy and loving relationship with my own mother so my perception of motherhood was not realistic but based on my own childhood needs for the "perfect," all loving Mom......I tried to live up to that perception but thankfully (with a lot of help and support) I realized it was a fantasy. Another opportunity to breathe through letting go and accepting what is. There is a lot of weight in the word "Mother" and often we suffer under that weight, with expectations of ourselves which are unrealistic and damaging to us..... Therapists supported me in reframing my definition of what a mother is....... and those expectations I had diminished under healthy scrutiny. And I realized something very important, <em>I was enough </em>and I had done enough.</p><p></p><p>This journey we're on is fraught with many mine fields......and they can blow up at any time......usually ushering in another level of learning how to let go. It's one step at a time. And in taking care of ourselves, when it does blow up, we're in a much better and healthier place to handle the changes.</p><p></p><p>I hear a clear willingness to change in you Denise.....a commitment to your own life now......good for you......keep yourself well supported and be very, very kind to yourself.....you'll find the peace you seek.....we're here with you.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 712804, member: 13542"] The poem your mother often said is one I have thought about in reference to my own daughter who is 43 years old. One of the bumps on my own path was to look at my daughter and see the little girl she once was....it would halt any attempts to detach from the adult woman she became. It's one of those things I had to breathe through.......and then make a difficult, new choice. Another bump was that like you, I did not have a healthy and loving relationship with my own mother so my perception of motherhood was not realistic but based on my own childhood needs for the "perfect," all loving Mom......I tried to live up to that perception but thankfully (with a lot of help and support) I realized it was a fantasy. Another opportunity to breathe through letting go and accepting what is. There is a lot of weight in the word "Mother" and often we suffer under that weight, with expectations of ourselves which are unrealistic and damaging to us..... Therapists supported me in reframing my definition of what a mother is....... and those expectations I had diminished under healthy scrutiny. And I realized something very important, [I]I was enough [/I]and I had done enough. This journey we're on is fraught with many mine fields......and they can blow up at any time......usually ushering in another level of learning how to let go. It's one step at a time. And in taking care of ourselves, when it does blow up, we're in a much better and healthier place to handle the changes. I hear a clear willingness to change in you Denise.....a commitment to your own life now......good for you......keep yourself well supported and be very, very kind to yourself.....you'll find the peace you seek.....we're here with you..... [/QUOTE]
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