302, medical custody of me???? WTH? does anyone have knowledge?

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
UAN

I'm going to come at this from a different angle, but know that I do so because I truly care about you. My medical experience and training tell me that if your psychiatrist feels that a 302 is necessary, then they feel the situation is pretty darn serious. I assure you they don't do such things lightly. Yes, I understand you feel betrayed by those you trust, need to trust. And I can only imagine how that had to hurt. But they're doing their jobs which is to put your physical and mental welfare above all else.

Malnutrition causes organ failure. It's not an immediate thing, it can be a chronic condition due to lack of nutrients/fuel over the years. You don't recognize the symptoms because for you this state of being has become the norm. This chronic condition can become acute at any time and therein lies the danger. The chronic state of affairs is bad enough as it causes irreparable damage to major organs. The acute organ failure will kill you.

That the professionals you trust want to 302 you tells me they literally feel your life is in danger. And make no mistake about it, battling anorexia is fighting literally for your life.

You say because so far nothing "bad" has happened it's hard to envision the consequences of this condition? Well, since you've been anorexic for a long period of time, the state of starvation has become normal to you. Like with my chronic kidney disease I feel a certain level of cruddy 24/7, it's my new norm. Unfortunately.....it also nearly caused me to miss it when it became acute and I was near death because I dismissed symptoms and it muddles the thought process as the organs are failing and you can't think properly. If it hadn't been for the most god awful migraine it gave me which sent me to the ER.........I wouldn't even be typing this. I was used to the other symptoms as I had them on and off all the time. Know what I mean??

Chronic organ damage is usually not detected/symptomatic until it's pretty darn bad. That doesn't mean it's not taking place.

You're my friend and I care deeply about you. I worry over you. You know you need help and that is HUGE. But you have to be willing not just to say I need help with this, but to do what needs to be done to get better and be stable. And that, my friend, is this hardest part of all.

This time? You need to embrace the help and not worry about anything else except you getting stable. All those other things always have a way of working themselves out. It's a battle that is going to take nearly all your energy for a while. And you know what? That's ok. Cancer patients.........they have to focus on their treatments to get better too. Would you blame them? It's one hellova battle? You've got the same battle going on, just for different reasons. Doesn't make it any less important or critical.

Please. I understand you feeling blindsided and betrayed. But I hope with all that I am that you embrace the help. You know all your family here will be thinking of you, rooting for you, and praying hard for you. (we already are) Perhaps if you cooperate there will be more appealing in patient options to consider.

But with my training, I know all too well the very real dangers involved with anorexia. Scares the hell out of me for you. You are an amazing person and I don't want anything happening to you.

((((hugs))))
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
I like Buddy's idea of going on disability and focusing on getting better. That would keep the dietician and H off your case, because it shows that you are taking action. It also gives you more control over your job, because no one is firing you. Most states have laws that make it illegal to fire someone on disability.
Until I read Buddy's note, I had no idea what you would do, legally. I really like this route.
I know it's not your favorite idea, but frankly, being committed against my will and losing my husband would be worse. You have to pick what you see as the lesser of several evils.
{{Many hugs.}}
 

Lothlorien

Active Member
Have you applied for FMLA? I agree about applying for disability. You have to focus on getting better. It's not just about eating, it's about changing you.

I'm glad you are being honest with us. Now, you need to be honest with your counselors.

It's normal to be angry as your first response, but they are only trying to do the right thing by you. If your sister is willing to put you in a residential place, then take the chance and go. Perhaps this is your way out of involuntary.
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
What I read is a very sick person trying to convince us that she can do this on her own. Even though she knows she can not. You know this and your loved ones know this. So, it is my opinion that your psychiatrist is correct. It is simply not possible for you to make the best medical decisions for yourself. Because you are sick. If you had cancer you would not resist treatment because you would understand that it was necessary to get well. But the illness you have prevents you from trying to get better. It works against you. It is trying to kill you. This illness will kill you. So, fight the illness. And let someone else take over. I know that it is nearly impossible for you to make that decision, because you are full of this illness....that is trying to kill you. Please do not let it win.
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
You have received alot of caring, loving and knowledgeable responses. The CD family does care about you and the outcome of your efforts to regain your health. As I've stated before I have no experience or help to offer...just caring hugs.

I'm curious, if you don't mind, about a couple of things. When you were in the last treatment program were you able to accept any of the interventions they offered? For example, were you able to participate in group sessions and speak honestly? Were you able to drink supplemental offerings like Ensure (or were they even offered)? I do remember clearly that you felt your time was wasted at that program and I'm curious what they could have offered or should have offered to help you make progress.

I'm thinking about your Sister's offer. Do you think a "higher end" program would be more comfortable for you and make it easier to adapt your behaviors? It sounds like she is offering a "Dr. Phil" type facility like you mentioned in an earlier fear based post.

I'm also curious whether there are any outpatient community based support groups perhaps associated with a local hospital or clinic? Would you be comfortable trying that form of support? Maybe, like AA, being surrounded by others with similar problems (and anonymously) would make it possible to share feelings?

Just know I am thinking about you and hoping that you will be able to find the right path. Hugs. DDD
 

recoveringenabler

Well-Known Member
Staff member
UAN, you've received some very important information from others which I sincerely hope you can listen to. When I was a lot younger, I too suffered with anorexia, so I can empathize with your situation. I understand how you must have felt blindsided by the dietitian. However, everything Houndog told you about the medical implications of anorexia is true.

I believe your first priority is to get better. I believe the first step in that is to pull yourself out of your own level of denial of how serious this is and find a way to get help immediately. I don't mean to sound harsh or unfeeling, but as Houndog has mentioned, the medical community is telling you how serious this is and my strong feelings are you need to listen.

For me, this issue was about coming out of my own perception of myself, which was very, very low, in fact, feeling as if I did not deserve love or kindness, similar to what I hear you saying. From my vantage point now, looking back, it was self abuse. I can't make that assumption about you, however, some of the things you are saying sound familiar. I am 5'7 and I weighed 87 pounds at the worst part of the anorexia. I was literally disappearing, getting smaller and smaller. I really understand where you are. I had to learn to love myself and take care of myself, it was a journey, but the alternative is staying sick and/or dying from this illness. You deserve love just like anyone else does. Your sister and husband are attempting to help you, as is the dietitian, even though she handled it badly. None of this is your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You have an illness and, in my opinion, you are the only one who can make the choice to get well and stop this cycle. Please get the help that is being offered to you. Your life is precious. You are precious. You deserve to be healthy and happy and thriving.
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
Sending supportive thoughts and hugs. Have not been there done that but I have faced very stressful circumstances and know that trusting a few people can help make the transition possible. Hugs. DDD
 

1905

Well-Known Member
First, thank you for all your care! I am currently in an out patient program 3 days a week for 5 hours at a time. They give Ensure to certain people with their dinner, or you can bring 1 1/2 Cliff bars that I buy myself. And I do this when I arrive and again at dinner. I eat 3 Cliff bars plus dinner during the 5 hours I'm there. I am somewhat honest. You can never speak of food, calories, weight or symptoms, but you can say you have used symptoms or are struggling with whatever is going on in your life. It's very helpful, these people are all ages, and they "get it".

I know that it does help me. I also have one hour of individual therapy per week and 1 hour of family therapy. They just recently have me turn around on the scale, so I won't really know the weight, they think I gain a few and get scared and lose it so now it's better I won't see. I am going to call my sister because something happpened to me in Old Navy. I tried on bermuda shorts, size 0, and they were too big- that's weird because I am that size and I went in the childrens section and I'm a 12 child's size, with extra room. No, I didn't buy any shorts in that size, but it REALLY helped me see extremely vividly how ill I have become. I need a higher level of care. The job won't matter if I'm dead or messed up from a stroke, I want it but I don't care as much as I did. I REALLY feel like I can pinch and pul all this extra "stuff" and can even lose more weight perfectly, but it's not true-even though I feel it is. My sister can get things done, although I have my pride I'm calling her. You guys have no idea how good it feels to be honest and what you all say is so helpful to me, I thank each and every one of you, I do need more help. It does look like I may lose my job because as a classroom assistant I will never have tenure, so even if somehow I got a note on Monday, and went back to work, they could still NOT renew my contract for next year. It's legal, I talked to the highest person in my state. I would have to get disability. Everything is so unknown for me right now, I'll keep you posted. Soon. Thank you all so much, every one of you!
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Please do get help. I really have become so fond of you through this site and would be extremely upset should something happen to you. I have very few people in my real world life so this site is very important to me and you are a very important part of it. I need you here. I need you here healthy. Get better my friend so we can talk together again. Please. I really care.
 

buddy

New Member
Great plan and good job with all the accurate thinking (or trying to change the inaccurate thinking). that kind of visual (the clothes) really does hit the intellectual side of you, use that thinking part...the part that knows about the irrational thoughts/feelings. What a blessing you have a sister who can help. Remember, when you allow family to help, then they dont feel so helpless. If she can do this, then embrace it and thank her by using it to the best of your ability! Please keep us updated. I too am really glad you are sharing with us and willing to be so vulnerable here. You set a good example. Being a difficult child mom is full of issues, and taking care of ourselves is a big part of that. You have shown that this community gets that and I think if I need to I would feel comfortable here asking for support.

Lots to do, but you are on the right track.
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
Thank you so much for the update. Answering some of the questions filled in perception blanks for me and others, too, I'm sure. It is reassuring to know that you have supports in place and even more reassuring to know that you are ready to reach out for more intensive help. Sending more caring hugs. DDD
 

recoveringenabler

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Hello UAN, I was so happy to read your post, thank you for updating us. I was worried about you. I was touched by your story about the Bermuda shorts. One of the first moments I was truly able to see myself in a real light was when I was in a store trying on summer dresses and the size 1 was too big. The saleswoman who was helping me looked at me and with an odd look of worry and shock, said, "you really are quite thin." It was the look in her eyes that scared me. I looked in the mirror and my collar and hip bones were jutting out, and just in that moment, I saw how skinny I had become. I look back at it and it's difficult to understand how I couldn't see the reality of my own body, but it is an illness of self perception too. This was in the 70's long before this was known, so there were no "specialists" to go to. My GP Dr. told me it was a "slow form of suicide" and to go home and eat a peanut butter sandwich. It took me all day to do it. It was sheer willpower to do it, I gagged on every bite. But, I got through it all, with therapy and my own commitment to get better. I slowly gained weight and I was fortunate in that it didn't do any permanent damage. I am very healthy today.

You can do this UAN. I am proud of you for shifting your thinking and accepting the help and support that you need. HUGS to you. And, prayers that this journey helps you to see the beauty of who you are............
 

rejectedmom

New Member
UAN, I am glad you are going to get the help you so very obviously need. I have a friend who lost two of her sisters to this horrid disease which you are battling. It is devastating to everone involved and the pain of it's consequences is enormous. I will be praying for you. -RM
 
T

TeDo

Guest
I can't tell you how proud I am of you!! Thank you for trusting us enough to be honest with us. It takes a real warrior to challenge "stinkin thinkin" especially when it's our own. I pray you are able to continue on this right path and that things start looking up. If the job ends, oh well, YOU didn't end. There will be other jobs, maybe even the same one somewhere else, when you are better.

Keep us posted on your progress.
 
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