Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
33 year old difficult child homeless in CO
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 638680" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Agree with RE. He obviously knows that whatever he writes, even if you are not friends with him, somebody will report it to you and he is trying to make you feel guilty for not enabling his dangerous lifestyle. </p><p></p><p>We have to learn not to worry about what others think, even family members.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would tell anyone I know that I did not want to know about FB posts. If people act flabbergasted or judge you, just say, "It is best for both me and my son." Keep repeating it over and over again until they get it. If they don't get it, say you have to go.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes we have to detach from family too. Our difficult children cost us a lot, however those who really care about us and know us, do not judge us. They know we have done all we can and realize we are trying to survive with our sanity intact and accept this. If they don't get it or won't listen, it is possibly just better to put a distance between ourselves and them as well. There are drama queens in every family t hat like to stir up trouble, and judge us when they have not been through what we have.</p><p></p><p>"Walk a mile in my shoes." And if they haven't, they don't understand. Sounds like your son, who is a middle age man by now, has put you through a lot, still expects you to either take him in or support him with money, and is not making an effort to get his life on track. Lying to others or changing reality to suit their agenda (gaslighting) is common with our adult kids and is abuse. And pointing out his hurtful posts on FB is a form of abuse as well. </p><p></p><p>It is not easy to develop a tough skin. And, yes, some people try to hurt us in our situation and make us feel WE should take care of our criminally inclined, drug addicted, and abusive adult children forever, but that just is not the case. If you have not joined a twelve step group, that would probably give you A LOT of support from people who HAVE walked a mile in your shoes. A private therapist can help you as well. You might also want to join The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) to get support as the parent of a self-destructive and abusive loved one...you can get understanding there as well.</p><p></p><p>Only those who have walked in our boots, up and down the hill and through the snow, can even begin to understand. Anyone who has not been there/done that...I would try very hard (yes, it's difficult) to put their opinions on disregard. They have no idea what it is like to be afraid of your own child and what you have to do to remain mentally intact both for your other loved ones who treat your well AND, most of all, for yourself. YOU MATTER!</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart. We are here for you and all of us have been through similar stuff. Please stay.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 638680, member: 1550"] Agree with RE. He obviously knows that whatever he writes, even if you are not friends with him, somebody will report it to you and he is trying to make you feel guilty for not enabling his dangerous lifestyle. We have to learn not to worry about what others think, even family members. If it were me, I would tell anyone I know that I did not want to know about FB posts. If people act flabbergasted or judge you, just say, "It is best for both me and my son." Keep repeating it over and over again until they get it. If they don't get it, say you have to go. Sometimes we have to detach from family too. Our difficult children cost us a lot, however those who really care about us and know us, do not judge us. They know we have done all we can and realize we are trying to survive with our sanity intact and accept this. If they don't get it or won't listen, it is possibly just better to put a distance between ourselves and them as well. There are drama queens in every family t hat like to stir up trouble, and judge us when they have not been through what we have. "Walk a mile in my shoes." And if they haven't, they don't understand. Sounds like your son, who is a middle age man by now, has put you through a lot, still expects you to either take him in or support him with money, and is not making an effort to get his life on track. Lying to others or changing reality to suit their agenda (gaslighting) is common with our adult kids and is abuse. And pointing out his hurtful posts on FB is a form of abuse as well. It is not easy to develop a tough skin. And, yes, some people try to hurt us in our situation and make us feel WE should take care of our criminally inclined, drug addicted, and abusive adult children forever, but that just is not the case. If you have not joined a twelve step group, that would probably give you A LOT of support from people who HAVE walked a mile in your shoes. A private therapist can help you as well. You might also want to join The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) to get support as the parent of a self-destructive and abusive loved one...you can get understanding there as well. Only those who have walked in our boots, up and down the hill and through the snow, can even begin to understand. Anyone who has not been there/done that...I would try very hard (yes, it's difficult) to put their opinions on disregard. They have no idea what it is like to be afraid of your own child and what you have to do to remain mentally intact both for your other loved ones who treat your well AND, most of all, for yourself. YOU MATTER! Hugs for your hurting heart. We are here for you and all of us have been through similar stuff. Please stay. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
33 year old difficult child homeless in CO
Top