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36 hours after release from jail, difficult child is high and drunk...
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 618361" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Thanks so much for your replies all.</p><p></p><p>@ Janet-that's exactly how I feel-pretty amazed that he still hasn't got it and thinking surely this MUST be the time he gets it! Apparently not.</p><p></p><p>And I think, to your point, Echo, I'm not really asking anything because you are correct-he DOES have everything he needs to make things right. He's been doing this crap for at least 10 years now and I'm pretty used to the chaos and have even had some success with detachment. Of course it helps ENORMOUSLY that I am in Illinois and he's in Colorado! Because if I hadn't dropped him off there last June I would no doubt be in that ninth circle of Hell again, knowing he was within "fixing" distance and going through the agony of having to say NO to him.</p><p></p><p>He does seem to have a good case against his girlfriend, who has pulled this caper before with other guys, but that's not my real issue. The problems are his to solve and I guess what I'm doing here is trying to process as I write. Because 48 hours ago he was bailed out (he does have the money) and at his dad's apartment and ready to start wading through this crap with a good outcome. I told him that if he didn't learn from THIS experience (he could still face prison time if he decides to go for a trial) then he deserves what he gets. His brother offered to get his stuff from the girlfriend's apartment (she called and said that my difficult child was welcome to come and get his stuff, despite there being a restraining order against him-she apparently still "loves" him) and he was going to look for jobs, etc.</p><p></p><p>36 hours later, he is high and drunk and little bro has kicked him out.</p><p></p><p>Sorry I know I'm repeating myself but WHO DOES THIS?????? I already know this. I thnk I'm just venting, perpetually amazed and in slack-jawed wonder as to how a person can screw up. I had HOPE (tho I know this elusive feeling all too well) and now it's gone again.</p><p></p><p>I think that's it-I'm just gobsmacked that he would be so stupid and self-destructive....maybe I'm wondering how many of us can relate-too many to count, I'm sure.</p><p></p><p>And Cedar, yes, he DID put me in the ICU for 5 days back in 2010 with a bleed on the brain, which is why he'll never live with me or near me again. And I still love the person that DOESN'T do those things.</p><p></p><p>Maybe that's what I'm trying to articulate here-I know what I have to do, but this time, for some reason, I can't get my head around the fact that I gave birth to and raised a man who would be so spectacularly self-destructive, when all the opportunities to change his behavior are CONTINUALLY presenting themselves! He just goes on his merry way, living in the criminal space. Does he LIKE this? Is this the easy way out for him? Or does he simply not know any other way to live?</p><p></p><p>Thanks for reading and all comments are appreciated and welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 618361, member: 13561"] Thanks so much for your replies all. @ Janet-that's exactly how I feel-pretty amazed that he still hasn't got it and thinking surely this MUST be the time he gets it! Apparently not. And I think, to your point, Echo, I'm not really asking anything because you are correct-he DOES have everything he needs to make things right. He's been doing this crap for at least 10 years now and I'm pretty used to the chaos and have even had some success with detachment. Of course it helps ENORMOUSLY that I am in Illinois and he's in Colorado! Because if I hadn't dropped him off there last June I would no doubt be in that ninth circle of Hell again, knowing he was within "fixing" distance and going through the agony of having to say NO to him. He does seem to have a good case against his girlfriend, who has pulled this caper before with other guys, but that's not my real issue. The problems are his to solve and I guess what I'm doing here is trying to process as I write. Because 48 hours ago he was bailed out (he does have the money) and at his dad's apartment and ready to start wading through this crap with a good outcome. I told him that if he didn't learn from THIS experience (he could still face prison time if he decides to go for a trial) then he deserves what he gets. His brother offered to get his stuff from the girlfriend's apartment (she called and said that my difficult child was welcome to come and get his stuff, despite there being a restraining order against him-she apparently still "loves" him) and he was going to look for jobs, etc. 36 hours later, he is high and drunk and little bro has kicked him out. Sorry I know I'm repeating myself but WHO DOES THIS?????? I already know this. I thnk I'm just venting, perpetually amazed and in slack-jawed wonder as to how a person can screw up. I had HOPE (tho I know this elusive feeling all too well) and now it's gone again. I think that's it-I'm just gobsmacked that he would be so stupid and self-destructive....maybe I'm wondering how many of us can relate-too many to count, I'm sure. And Cedar, yes, he DID put me in the ICU for 5 days back in 2010 with a bleed on the brain, which is why he'll never live with me or near me again. And I still love the person that DOESN'T do those things. Maybe that's what I'm trying to articulate here-I know what I have to do, but this time, for some reason, I can't get my head around the fact that I gave birth to and raised a man who would be so spectacularly self-destructive, when all the opportunities to change his behavior are CONTINUALLY presenting themselves! He just goes on his merry way, living in the criminal space. Does he LIKE this? Is this the easy way out for him? Or does he simply not know any other way to live? Thanks for reading and all comments are appreciated and welcome. [/QUOTE]
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36 hours after release from jail, difficult child is high and drunk...
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