Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrspressley, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. mrspressley

    mrspressley New Member

    Hi my name is Rhonda I am 38. Married to my husband 11 years who is legally blind. I have a 17 year old daughter and a 5 y/o son. My son is the one diagnosis with ODD, PTSD and also has had two open heart surgeries. he drives me crazy!!!!! I love him so but I can not control his temper tantrums which are extremelty physical. I have had a bloody nose, ripped out hair, several bruises from a ...yes 5 y/o.... I think I have just about read every book out there. have gone to conseling...ect... I just need a place to vent and see what other parents are doing to control these lovable yet horrible kids. I am now just reading raising your out of control child... according to that book ...the cause is me... once again it's always the mother's fault....I am tried... i dread when jase gets out of school....he is defient to EVERYTHING I say. if some thing is red he will say it is white...he is violent. Yet he has had tow major open heart surgeries and he also has an ascending aortic root aneurysm. so I worry myself sick about his saftey ALL THE TIME. I finally am trying some methods and rule setting because he has got so out of control that if we keep going down this road it is only going to get worse.


  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Has he ever had an evaluation by a child psychiatrist? Does he take any medications? Hugs, this is a hard place to be in, especially with his physical problems.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Rhonda. You have found a great place to get support and
    to learn alot too. The people here will understand almost every
    thought and action that comprises you and your family, so you
    will no longer have to feel alone.

    May I ask a few questions?? Who diagnosed your son? Sometimes
    those of us with difficult children are given "alphabet" diagnoses that are not based on full evaluations by qualified
    child experts. I'm always interested in who said what! (You may
    note that I have "been around the block" for over four decades so
    I have too too much experience with difficult children...LOL!)

    How does your son do in school? Have either of you been on medications
    or have therapy?

    One thing is for sure that we all agree on around here. You can't put up with violence. Others will be along who have had
    similar experiences and they will help lead you to help.

    Glad to have you aboard Rhonda. Don't despair. Things can get
    better AND remember that even if you have made mistakes as the
    parent of a difficult child...you can learn better ways to help
    him and your family. Obviously you love your family or you would not have reached out for help. We'll support you! DDD
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Welcome to the board and rant away!

    I would ask the same question as the previous posters; who diagnosed your son? How is your son's behavior in school?

    Many of us here recommend the book "The Explosure Child" by Ross Greene. If you haven't done so, I suggest you pick up a copy and take a read.

    Glad you found us.

  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It sounds like you've had complication after complication making even more a mess of things for him. It's really hard, having to deal with so much - hard for him, hard for you.

    You've raised a daughter who you don't mention having problems with, so this isn't bad parenting. However, it could be that your parenting method, which would be quite OK for most kids, is making him worse. it happens to all of us. Not that you're doing it wrong, only that it is wrong FOR HIM. And how could you know?

    because of what he's been through, you've already had to learn to think outside the square. This is good. Because from here, that's what you need to do.

    Look at how you try to manage discipline. What is your method? And the big question - is it working?
    If it is not working, then you need to change it.

    But what to? Not so easy.

    Here's where I suggest what many others on this site will also suggest - a book that has helped many of us is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Look him up, get it out of the library, read anything on CPS (Collaborative Problem Solving) which is the method Greene describes, then see what you think.

    The kids that bring us to this site are many and varied. Their problems are also many and varied. What is wrong with my kid is not necessarily what's wrong with yours. But that doesn't matter - some things don't change. Our kids underneath generally are good kids, trying to do the right thing but often feel completely lost and unable to explain what is wrong. Then they get angry, frustrated and problems escalate. We punish (and, looking on, it all makes sense to us at the time) and often the child is too angry or not really in touch with what we see, for this to work the right way; instead, the child sees us punishing because we're bigger and we can.

    Ross Greene's book helped me get in touch with what my son was feeling. Once I could understand him, it was easier for me to work at his level and begin to help him from there.

    They are children - they are still trying to understand the world so they can fit in. We are adults, we are supposed to be wiser, but we need to meet the children where they are, and show them in ways they can understand.

    I'm not implying your son isn't bright enough to work things out - this is not a problem limited to 'slow' kids at all.Far from it. My son is incredibly bright, but he's needed a lot of help to show him how to fit in.
    It's just that some kids, for a whole range of reasons, need more hep than others, in a lot of ways. Which ways depend on which kid. The parent has the best chance of knowing where their child is coming from. Once you have that key, you can begin to open the door for them.

    Welcome to the site, sorry you need us but glad we're here for you.