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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 639542" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}} from one family misfit to another, MWM. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>The argument that started the entire detachment from my family was between my dad and I. L's dad had put her into foster care when she was a 15 year old wild thing after having let her grow up on her own since she was about 8 and traipsing one woman after another through the house in front of her. My sister & I had an argument, and of course everyone piled on with "the perfect one". They all started writing "letters of concern" about my attitude to L in her foster home, and L showed them to the foster mother, saying, "See? Everyone hates my mother." The foster mom told me what had been done, and asked that my family step back. Of course, instead my parents had to drive the 300 miles to see her, and got her father to back them up. Somehow that turned into "Lie to your mom (me) about it" from both her dad and them. Within three days my parents had hunted down a friend at her workplace to tell her that they had gone to K Falls to see L. </p><p></p><p>It wasn't that I objected to them seeing L, it was that they told her to lie to me. She'd been there for 8 months already and they had never gone to see her before, but once they could stir up mess for me they were on it like white on rice, and we were pretty close at the time. I saw them at least weekly and spoke to my mom on the phone almost every day. I went and I told my dad that it wasn't ok for him to tell my kids to lie to me. Of course there was a lot more said than that, and it went on for several hours but I kept bringing it back to that. As an adult and as their parent I needed to know that he could deal with me if I had a problem, not use my kids against me. I told him one last time, and he said, "I can do anything I want with your kids. Everyone knows who I am (?) and that I'm a good honest person and everyone knows you're nothing. Try to stop me." I stood up and walked to the door and said, "Leave my kids alone." My mom, who had sat through the entire ordeal saying nothing stood up and grabbed me by the arm and said, "We love you." She startled me so that I jumped and said, "Don't touch me!" as I walked out the door to the tune of my dad telling me that I'd better be careful driving home - something he'd never said in my life - it was a death wish. This became in my family's story the day I shoved my mother to the ground, and this is what they told my kids. M knew the truth at the end, and so he knew that this was why it was important for him to tell me about his death himself.</p><p></p><p>So, my dad making sure that M didn't tell me when he died was one last coup de grace from him to make sure that I knew that I was nothing, and he could do what he wanted with my kids and use them to hurt me even beyond the grave. Well, <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> my dad, and if M ever comes around it will be by sheer force of will because clearly I have nothing to offer that any of them think that they want. But I'm not sticking around for the mess they make of their lives.</p><p></p><p>Echolette, there aren't many families as messed up as mine is. I hope that you will find peace and know that we don't judge your decision.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 639542, member: 99"] {{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}} from one family misfit to another, MWM. ;) The argument that started the entire detachment from my family was between my dad and I. L's dad had put her into foster care when she was a 15 year old wild thing after having let her grow up on her own since she was about 8 and traipsing one woman after another through the house in front of her. My sister & I had an argument, and of course everyone piled on with "the perfect one". They all started writing "letters of concern" about my attitude to L in her foster home, and L showed them to the foster mother, saying, "See? Everyone hates my mother." The foster mom told me what had been done, and asked that my family step back. Of course, instead my parents had to drive the 300 miles to see her, and got her father to back them up. Somehow that turned into "Lie to your mom (me) about it" from both her dad and them. Within three days my parents had hunted down a friend at her workplace to tell her that they had gone to K Falls to see L. It wasn't that I objected to them seeing L, it was that they told her to lie to me. She'd been there for 8 months already and they had never gone to see her before, but once they could stir up mess for me they were on it like white on rice, and we were pretty close at the time. I saw them at least weekly and spoke to my mom on the phone almost every day. I went and I told my dad that it wasn't ok for him to tell my kids to lie to me. Of course there was a lot more said than that, and it went on for several hours but I kept bringing it back to that. As an adult and as their parent I needed to know that he could deal with me if I had a problem, not use my kids against me. I told him one last time, and he said, "I can do anything I want with your kids. Everyone knows who I am (?) and that I'm a good honest person and everyone knows you're nothing. Try to stop me." I stood up and walked to the door and said, "Leave my kids alone." My mom, who had sat through the entire ordeal saying nothing stood up and grabbed me by the arm and said, "We love you." She startled me so that I jumped and said, "Don't touch me!" as I walked out the door to the tune of my dad telling me that I'd better be careful driving home - something he'd never said in my life - it was a death wish. This became in my family's story the day I shoved my mother to the ground, and this is what they told my kids. M knew the truth at the end, and so he knew that this was why it was important for him to tell me about his death himself. So, my dad making sure that M didn't tell me when he died was one last coup de grace from him to make sure that I knew that I was nothing, and he could do what he wanted with my kids and use them to hurt me even beyond the grave. Well, :censored2: my dad, and if M ever comes around it will be by sheer force of will because clearly I have nothing to offer that any of them think that they want. But I'm not sticking around for the mess they make of their lives. Echolette, there aren't many families as messed up as mine is. I hope that you will find peace and know that we don't judge your decision. [/QUOTE]
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