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4 year old having trouble at preschool
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 350267" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I found using "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene gave me tools to help difficult child 3 deal with inflexibility.</p><p></p><p>Redirection can work; compromise can work. But never try to force the issue. If there is direct conflict with another child (say, your son wants to build a hospital and the other child wants to build a carpark) then you have to separate them, divide up the resources, try to redirect one of them so the other can do what he wants. Or find something else for the other child to do in the meantime.</p><p></p><p>Food can help redirect, because these kids often 'forget' to et, and when they remember, they are often ravenous.</p><p></p><p>We found the inflexibility is not something we can over-ride in any way. It's something you have to work on a tiny bit at a time, slowly. We had multiple inflexibilities which often clashed especially with food, so we got into the habit of cooking multiple meals and sometimes even serving them at different times. difficult child 3 would come home from school mentally exhausted by the efforts of the day. Plus he was fairly restricted in what he would eat - various forms of bolognese sauce. So I would give him choice of what form he wanted today (nachos, or spaghetti bolognese, or chilli con carne) and then I would serve it up to him. Then when the rest of us ate later, difficult child 3 would be fed and comfortable, working his own way through his bedtime routine. Often he would be in the bath while the other kids ate their own dinner.</p><p></p><p>It wasn't so difficult - modern conveniences made it possible. I would cook one weekly batch of bolognese sauce and freeze most of it. We had other preferred meals that other kids chose (easy child 2/difficult child 2 being especially fussy but in a totally opposite way to difficult child 3) so I did the same for them. When it was meal time, the kids could choose what to have from the range available. We would simply microwave whatever they wanted from what had been prepared earlier in bulk.</p><p></p><p>Some people find this appalling, that I allowed the kids to have such control. But it worked for us and as the kids got older, they had to take some responsibility for cooking their preferred foods. We also began to develop ways to introduce new foods and get the kids to try them. We developed some good techniques to the extent that now difficult child 3 is far more flexible about what he will eat. However, I still have a freezer full of meals I know he will eat, if what I have cooked for everyone else is just not to his taste. He really will starve himself rather than eat what he doesn't like. They say kids won't do this, but I suspect Aspies and autistics are exceptions to that rule.</p><p></p><p>Basically, we dealt with inflexibility by not challenging it. As he got older, he got more flexible and more able to cope with challenge. Keeping his anxiety under control and working with him to help keep his anxiety checked was a good start. A lot of the inflexibility comes form fear and anxiety.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 350267, member: 1991"] I found using "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene gave me tools to help difficult child 3 deal with inflexibility. Redirection can work; compromise can work. But never try to force the issue. If there is direct conflict with another child (say, your son wants to build a hospital and the other child wants to build a carpark) then you have to separate them, divide up the resources, try to redirect one of them so the other can do what he wants. Or find something else for the other child to do in the meantime. Food can help redirect, because these kids often 'forget' to et, and when they remember, they are often ravenous. We found the inflexibility is not something we can over-ride in any way. It's something you have to work on a tiny bit at a time, slowly. We had multiple inflexibilities which often clashed especially with food, so we got into the habit of cooking multiple meals and sometimes even serving them at different times. difficult child 3 would come home from school mentally exhausted by the efforts of the day. Plus he was fairly restricted in what he would eat - various forms of bolognese sauce. So I would give him choice of what form he wanted today (nachos, or spaghetti bolognese, or chilli con carne) and then I would serve it up to him. Then when the rest of us ate later, difficult child 3 would be fed and comfortable, working his own way through his bedtime routine. Often he would be in the bath while the other kids ate their own dinner. It wasn't so difficult - modern conveniences made it possible. I would cook one weekly batch of bolognese sauce and freeze most of it. We had other preferred meals that other kids chose (easy child 2/difficult child 2 being especially fussy but in a totally opposite way to difficult child 3) so I did the same for them. When it was meal time, the kids could choose what to have from the range available. We would simply microwave whatever they wanted from what had been prepared earlier in bulk. Some people find this appalling, that I allowed the kids to have such control. But it worked for us and as the kids got older, they had to take some responsibility for cooking their preferred foods. We also began to develop ways to introduce new foods and get the kids to try them. We developed some good techniques to the extent that now difficult child 3 is far more flexible about what he will eat. However, I still have a freezer full of meals I know he will eat, if what I have cooked for everyone else is just not to his taste. He really will starve himself rather than eat what he doesn't like. They say kids won't do this, but I suspect Aspies and autistics are exceptions to that rule. Basically, we dealt with inflexibility by not challenging it. As he got older, he got more flexible and more able to cope with challenge. Keeping his anxiety under control and working with him to help keep his anxiety checked was a good start. A lot of the inflexibility comes form fear and anxiety. Marg [/QUOTE]
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