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4 year old having trouble at preschool
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 351017" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I have not read all the replies so forgive me if I repeat something (just think of it as me saying I agree with someone else).</p><p> </p><p>You are correct about the immediate disciplining /rewarding. Your son is too young to plan so far ahead. Once the reward is lost, then in his mind why bother the rest of the day? So, I have a few questions:</p><p> </p><p>1. Have you spoken with the teacher to find out the exact steps she takes in redirecting him? She has indicated that transition time is a challenge then she should know that is an area to work on. Is she giving him a longer warning of the transition time? Is she learning how he transitions? For going outdoors, what is the routine? Does she get upset if it is not exactly as she thinks it should be? (like who cares if he puts on his jacket BEFORE putting something away in his locker? Is he being pressured to put something away before putting the jacket on?) Sometimes kids need to be allowed to do a few steps in a different order if the end result is the same.</p><p> </p><p>2. How big of a class is he in? Do you feel the teacher has enough control over the class? Is she calm at the end of the day? Does she show frustrations over a busy day? Is she gentle or does she come across as rough to the kids? Is she strigent in what she expects from the kids? Do you feel there is a personality clash with the teacher?</p><p> </p><p>I would suggest that on your way to preschool, drop the list of what not to do and focus on the what to do. Get those negative actions out of the picture. Push the being kind and listening behavior. He can only focus on one behavior at a time. If you are listing the what not to dos last, that may be what he is remembering. Ask the teacher to help by writing down some good things he did during the day that he can share with you (aka: that you can praise him for). He can even go up to the teacher and say, "Teacher, can you help me remember to tell my mom how well I stood in line today?" Maybe during transition times he can "check in" with the teacher to see what she has written for him so far. It only has to be one thing between each transition - "Good listener today" "Let so and so go first in line" "shared a toy". That may also get him in a better relationship with his teacher.</p><p> </p><p>Just you being proud of a good day would be a good enough reward. However, if you want to celebrate a good day, find something that does not cost money (or is inexpensive). 1/2 hour watching one of his DVDs with you before bed time - choosing which vegetable to have with supper - going on a walk together.</p><p> </p><p>When my 5th grader was having problems with behaviours, his teacher and I came up with a short check off list. At the end of the day, they would go through it together and mark how well he did in certain areas like respecting others, listening to the teacher, ect. You could have a very short age appropriate one for your son that lists, "listening", "sharing", "following directions", "being kind". Maybe make a chart with the main transition times so as he "checks in" with the teacher, she can just put a "+" next to the ones he did well in during that time frame. Make several copies of these for her. It is very important that she be willing to take the time to participate in this throughout the day. He can not wait until the end of the day to hear when he is doing well in these areas.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 351017, member: 5096"] I have not read all the replies so forgive me if I repeat something (just think of it as me saying I agree with someone else). You are correct about the immediate disciplining /rewarding. Your son is too young to plan so far ahead. Once the reward is lost, then in his mind why bother the rest of the day? So, I have a few questions: 1. Have you spoken with the teacher to find out the exact steps she takes in redirecting him? She has indicated that transition time is a challenge then she should know that is an area to work on. Is she giving him a longer warning of the transition time? Is she learning how he transitions? For going outdoors, what is the routine? Does she get upset if it is not exactly as she thinks it should be? (like who cares if he puts on his jacket BEFORE putting something away in his locker? Is he being pressured to put something away before putting the jacket on?) Sometimes kids need to be allowed to do a few steps in a different order if the end result is the same. 2. How big of a class is he in? Do you feel the teacher has enough control over the class? Is she calm at the end of the day? Does she show frustrations over a busy day? Is she gentle or does she come across as rough to the kids? Is she strigent in what she expects from the kids? Do you feel there is a personality clash with the teacher? I would suggest that on your way to preschool, drop the list of what not to do and focus on the what to do. Get those negative actions out of the picture. Push the being kind and listening behavior. He can only focus on one behavior at a time. If you are listing the what not to dos last, that may be what he is remembering. Ask the teacher to help by writing down some good things he did during the day that he can share with you (aka: that you can praise him for). He can even go up to the teacher and say, "Teacher, can you help me remember to tell my mom how well I stood in line today?" Maybe during transition times he can "check in" with the teacher to see what she has written for him so far. It only has to be one thing between each transition - "Good listener today" "Let so and so go first in line" "shared a toy". That may also get him in a better relationship with his teacher. Just you being proud of a good day would be a good enough reward. However, if you want to celebrate a good day, find something that does not cost money (or is inexpensive). 1/2 hour watching one of his DVDs with you before bed time - choosing which vegetable to have with supper - going on a walk together. When my 5th grader was having problems with behaviours, his teacher and I came up with a short check off list. At the end of the day, they would go through it together and mark how well he did in certain areas like respecting others, listening to the teacher, ect. You could have a very short age appropriate one for your son that lists, "listening", "sharing", "following directions", "being kind". Maybe make a chart with the main transition times so as he "checks in" with the teacher, she can just put a "+" next to the ones he did well in during that time frame. Make several copies of these for her. It is very important that she be willing to take the time to participate in this throughout the day. He can not wait until the end of the day to hear when he is doing well in these areas. [/QUOTE]
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