$5.37

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterby, Jan 22, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    The following doesn't mean we're old or even getting old...Just

    that we like a good story...yeah, right.


    Subject: $5.37??





    $5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

    I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.
    I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

    I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

    I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

    Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!
    What am I now? A toddler?

    "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
    I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

    Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
    Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

    I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
    There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

    Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."
    I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

    She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

    All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 zone. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

    As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

    The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.


     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    :D That's what I call a really bad nightmare! DDD
     
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Absolutely funny!!!

    Abbey
     
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    What? No Senior discount on the speeding ticket?
     
  5. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I printed this off and gave it to my father in law last night. After searching for about 30 minutes for his glasses (daily event) he read it and laughed. He said...at least I'm not alone!
     
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Funny! But I'm getting there myself faster than I want to admit!

    I have a friend at work (my age) who had taken her elderly mother to the doctor and stopped at the drug store to pick up her prescriptions. She parked her van right outside the drug store and was just going to run in and out. Her mother wanted to go into the store next to the drug store and look around but she told her to stay right there, she'd only be a minute. She got the prescriptions, came back out, got in the van, and her mother wasn't there! She got back out, went in the store her mother had wanted to go in, went all through it and her mother wasn't there! By now she's in panic mode. She got back in the van, noticed that her mother's purse was gone too ... then wondered how that can of Dr. Pepper got in her cup holder - she doesn't drink Dr. Pepper! And whose jacket was that draped over the back of the seat??? Then she looked to the side and saw an identical van ... with her mother in the passenger seat, and her mother was laughing her butt off watching her! She had walked right past her own van and gotten into someone elses - twice! They were the same model but hers was gold and the one she got in to was green! She very quickly jumped into her own van and drove off before the owners of the other one saw her and had her arrested!
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL...I have gotten into the wrong car several times.

    Do you know how many gold Ford Focus's there are out there? I think it was the stock cheap car color.

    The funniest thing I ever saw for the wrong car episode happened when several of us from work went out to lunch one day. We had a table next to a window so we saw this happen quite well.

    A group of elderly women paid for their lunch and walked outside to get into their car. Now their car was a not so common blue older model sedan. The key wouldnt fit in the door lock. They tried and tried. You could see them all walking around the car talking about this problem. They came back in the restaurant. They were about to call a locksmith when another man came out from the gas station next store and got into that car! They go running out and start telling him he is stealing their car! He points over across the lot to another car just like it...lol. Ummm...they parked there car over there!!!!
     
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    :rofl:

    85 in a 40? Yep, that would seem about right after the morning that guy had.

    Oh Loth - Senior discount for tickets! That would only seem fair wouldn't it?

    Donna - I can totally understand how that one happened. Just walked a little too far before turning to the driver's seat. I bet the Mother will never again want to leave the vehicle - too much fun waiting for this to happen again.

    Janet - So funny!

    I did get caught trying to get into someone else's vehicle once. I was leaving a shopping center and talking to friends when we parted I turned and was about to unlock the car door. "Umm, that is my car" came a voice. So embarrassing! But funny when it isn't you! Nice to be able to laugh over harmless errors.
     
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Very funny!

    When husband left tonight, I realized I had no idea where he had parked the car. Not only that, but its the "newish" car, and I don't drive it, so I'm not familiar with it.

    I stuck the keys in a few wrong ones before I found the right one.
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know whats really bad?

    So many cars of certain brands...say Fords...use the same key models. Now I dont know if that is true with these fancy newer keys but I know its so with the old regular keys because I had a 92 Windstar Van and a 95 Escort and the same key worked in both vehicles. Yep...sure did.

    I figured it out one day when I picked up the wrong set of keys. The van didnt work anymore but the keys were laying up on top of the fridge and I grabbed them by mistake and I went out to start the escort. They keys opened the door and slipped right into the ignition. I only noticed they were the wrong keys when I realized they didnt have my normal keyring!
     
  11. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Toyota was notorious in the 70s and 80s because of how the inition lock worked, Basically, you could file down a Toyota key and bend it slightly, and it would fit in any Corolla or Camry.

    I got in the wrong car a few times and was probably lucky I didn't get busted for auto theft, as my key unlocked and started a couple of cars.
     
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