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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 334172" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. </p><p></p><p>I've adopted older kids and your child-to-be sounds like he has had a really long line of failed relationships. Does he have attachment disorder? Has he ever been sexually abused (I was told 90% of the kids in foster care have been and that boys are more likely to act out if they were...in fact I've had this happen). </p><p></p><p>If you've only had him for five months, and I'm not sure how old he is, I'd like to warn you that he is still on his honeymoon and just to make sure you are aware of the problems you will probably face along the road. This is not for the faint of heart and many of these older foster kids do not really want to be loved...in fact, it scares them. I worry about you with him because I am close to your age (57) and could never go through it again with an older adopted kid who has been "given back" twice. He was obviously quite a problem for the other families. He may be twice as hard for you.</p><p></p><p>I'm not convinced medications will fix his problems. </p><p></p><p>If you adopt another older child, I would give it at least three years to see how it goes with this one. And make sure the child is not younger or smaller than him. It is not that unusual for older adopted k ids to sexually abuse each other...especially if one is much younger. And, no, you won't know about it or catch them.</p><p></p><p>Sorry, not to be more positive. I've been through the mill with this situation and medications are usually not the fix we hope they are. Many of these kids were exposed to drugs and alcohol even before their birth (causing brain damage) and sexual abuse (in bio. home or foster care), multiple caregivers, etc. and they just don't do well in family life. Many lose the ability to love anyone. </p><p></p><p>Our child seemed like an angel until we found out he'd killed two of our dogs (this was a few years into the adoption that he got this bold) and had been molesting my two younger adopted children since he'd began making visits before he moved in. The two little ones had been too scared of him to tell us about it as he flashed knives at them and threatened to burn the house down with everyone in it. But around us, he acted like the perfect kid. These situations frighten me. Take care and be aware that love won't fix him.</p><p></p><p>Others will come along. I just hope you're going in with your eyes wide open so you don't go through what we did. Have you raised any children before this?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 334172, member: 1550"] Hi. I've adopted older kids and your child-to-be sounds like he has had a really long line of failed relationships. Does he have attachment disorder? Has he ever been sexually abused (I was told 90% of the kids in foster care have been and that boys are more likely to act out if they were...in fact I've had this happen). If you've only had him for five months, and I'm not sure how old he is, I'd like to warn you that he is still on his honeymoon and just to make sure you are aware of the problems you will probably face along the road. This is not for the faint of heart and many of these older foster kids do not really want to be loved...in fact, it scares them. I worry about you with him because I am close to your age (57) and could never go through it again with an older adopted kid who has been "given back" twice. He was obviously quite a problem for the other families. He may be twice as hard for you. I'm not convinced medications will fix his problems. If you adopt another older child, I would give it at least three years to see how it goes with this one. And make sure the child is not younger or smaller than him. It is not that unusual for older adopted k ids to sexually abuse each other...especially if one is much younger. And, no, you won't know about it or catch them. Sorry, not to be more positive. I've been through the mill with this situation and medications are usually not the fix we hope they are. Many of these kids were exposed to drugs and alcohol even before their birth (causing brain damage) and sexual abuse (in bio. home or foster care), multiple caregivers, etc. and they just don't do well in family life. Many lose the ability to love anyone. Our child seemed like an angel until we found out he'd killed two of our dogs (this was a few years into the adoption that he got this bold) and had been molesting my two younger adopted children since he'd began making visits before he moved in. The two little ones had been too scared of him to tell us about it as he flashed knives at them and threatened to burn the house down with everyone in it. But around us, he acted like the perfect kid. These situations frighten me. Take care and be aware that love won't fix him. Others will come along. I just hope you're going in with your eyes wide open so you don't go through what we did. Have you raised any children before this? [/QUOTE]
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