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General Parenting
5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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<blockquote data-quote="helpmehelphim" data-source="post: 15609" data-attributes="member: 2650"><p>Lisa- I like what you said about the praise losing meaning when it's done so much. It can seem manipulative, I think. And as my kids have proven over the years, if there's no praise, they feel like they haven't done well for some reason. The same holds true here for rewards, sticker charts and the like. All of a sudden they are doing things for the reward as opposed to doing things for the intrinsic value. Then it became a "what's in it for me". It took little time for them to go to "what do you give me for doing this? Or "what will we do after I do this?" They learned all right, just not what I had intended. It did little to help us with- behavior. As Allan says, the most changes have come from conversation. It's taken a long time and we have a long way to go but I see the changes in our relationships, which helps us all here. It's the long road I think, but I'm not sure there's a short road in this business..... there's just learning and living.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpmehelphim, post: 15609, member: 2650"] Lisa- I like what you said about the praise losing meaning when it's done so much. It can seem manipulative, I think. And as my kids have proven over the years, if there's no praise, they feel like they haven't done well for some reason. The same holds true here for rewards, sticker charts and the like. All of a sudden they are doing things for the reward as opposed to doing things for the intrinsic value. Then it became a "what's in it for me". It took little time for them to go to "what do you give me for doing this? Or "what will we do after I do this?" They learned all right, just not what I had intended. It did little to help us with- behavior. As Allan says, the most changes have come from conversation. It's taken a long time and we have a long way to go but I see the changes in our relationships, which helps us all here. It's the long road I think, but I'm not sure there's a short road in this business..... there's just learning and living. [/QUOTE]
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5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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