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General Parenting
5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 15624" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Ah! I have definitely read most of those. Some of the names are relatively common so I wanted to make sure.</p><p>I don't think that Rosemond is a 100% antithesis of Greene because I think they're talking about apples and oranges. I've seen a few things by Rosemond that address PDDs... he's generally addressing behavior, rather than pervasive developmental issues... how do I explain, iow, he always makes it a point to put aspies in a diff. category when he's discussing behavior and he cuts a lot more slack for them. He also expects the reader to know that, and I think that's why so much of the gen'l public misunderstands him. He assumes readers are all as well versed as we are on this bb! LOL!</p><p></p><p>I'm re-reading The Explosive Child right now. It did me absolutely no good today... difficult child was home with-a cold 2 days in a row, plus, the handyman was here, plus the carpet cleaners were here... I tried to get difficult child to take his pill by just walking away and letting him do it by himself (he complained to the therapist and to me that I hound him, so I thought I'd let him do it himself). NOT! He took full advantage of that. A few min. later, I sat on the couch with-him and tried again, and then the carpet guy needed my attention and I told him to wait but I couldn't sit there forever with-difficult child and he knew it, took advantage of that, too... I sent him to his room and he went out to the kitchen, made eggs, made popcorn, (I went to the bathroom, and wrote a check to the carpet cleaners... what, 5, 10 min?), difficult child turned on the TV, I turned off the TV and sent him back to his room... KABOOM! (as the book says). Turning off the TV with-no warning did it.</p><p>The popcorn flew across the room, chairs were knocked over...</p><p>he finally went to his room, only to destroy it, including kicking a hole in the wall (or maybe it was a thrown toy car?). </p><p>So, his computer privileges are gone. Nada. He had it for one whole day!!!! After waiting a month.</p><p>At least he doesn't hit me any more. He shook his fist in my face but that was all. I can be thankful for some restraint on his part. I guess that's what it's all about... baby steps.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes that book makes no sense. Am I supposed to walk into the LR where difficult child is sitting on the LazyBoy like a king, popcorn all over, TV blaring, after he's already been sent to his room, and I'm supposed to calmly say, "I'm very upset with-you, Sweetkins, for leaving your room, so I'm going to give you two options; either turn off the TV now or I'll turn off the TV now" and then expect him to say, "No problem, Mom, I'll just turn it off this second and go straight back to my room and whistle and smile all the way."</p><p>I can't have an hr-long discussion every time something happens.</p><p></p><p>And why isn't there a section in that book that teaches kids how to give their parents Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C, because parents go KABOOM! ?</p><p></p><p>Mostly, I just remind myself by looking at the cover of the book that I have an unsual child, and seeing the title validates it. And sometimes that's enough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 15624, member: 3419"] Ah! I have definitely read most of those. Some of the names are relatively common so I wanted to make sure. I don't think that Rosemond is a 100% antithesis of Greene because I think they're talking about apples and oranges. I've seen a few things by Rosemond that address PDDs... he's generally addressing behavior, rather than pervasive developmental issues... how do I explain, iow, he always makes it a point to put aspies in a diff. category when he's discussing behavior and he cuts a lot more slack for them. He also expects the reader to know that, and I think that's why so much of the gen'l public misunderstands him. He assumes readers are all as well versed as we are on this bb! LOL! I'm re-reading The Explosive Child right now. It did me absolutely no good today... difficult child was home with-a cold 2 days in a row, plus, the handyman was here, plus the carpet cleaners were here... I tried to get difficult child to take his pill by just walking away and letting him do it by himself (he complained to the therapist and to me that I hound him, so I thought I'd let him do it himself). NOT! He took full advantage of that. A few min. later, I sat on the couch with-him and tried again, and then the carpet guy needed my attention and I told him to wait but I couldn't sit there forever with-difficult child and he knew it, took advantage of that, too... I sent him to his room and he went out to the kitchen, made eggs, made popcorn, (I went to the bathroom, and wrote a check to the carpet cleaners... what, 5, 10 min?), difficult child turned on the TV, I turned off the TV and sent him back to his room... KABOOM! (as the book says). Turning off the TV with-no warning did it. The popcorn flew across the room, chairs were knocked over... he finally went to his room, only to destroy it, including kicking a hole in the wall (or maybe it was a thrown toy car?). So, his computer privileges are gone. Nada. He had it for one whole day!!!! After waiting a month. At least he doesn't hit me any more. He shook his fist in my face but that was all. I can be thankful for some restraint on his part. I guess that's what it's all about... baby steps. Sometimes that book makes no sense. Am I supposed to walk into the LR where difficult child is sitting on the LazyBoy like a king, popcorn all over, TV blaring, after he's already been sent to his room, and I'm supposed to calmly say, "I'm very upset with-you, Sweetkins, for leaving your room, so I'm going to give you two options; either turn off the TV now or I'll turn off the TV now" and then expect him to say, "No problem, Mom, I'll just turn it off this second and go straight back to my room and whistle and smile all the way." I can't have an hr-long discussion every time something happens. And why isn't there a section in that book that teaches kids how to give their parents Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C, because parents go KABOOM! ? Mostly, I just remind myself by looking at the cover of the book that I have an unsual child, and seeing the title validates it. And sometimes that's enough. [/QUOTE]
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5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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