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General Parenting
5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 15636" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Shari, one of the things I found is that my difficult child didn't work for small change. If I wanted to help him overcome big hurdles, I had to hold up very desirable incentives. We were into the 4's for potty training, delayed by issues we were totally in the dark about, then delayed again by surgery. Nothing was working so I dangled Magic School Bus computer games in front of him and it did the job. Expensive, yes, but at his size so were disposable diapers. It did the job and we've had years of use out of the games.</p><p></p><p>Later, when he crashed I was desperate because the doctor he needed to see was on medical leave so I made a last ditch effort and again used large incentives (like Lego sets). At first I was rewarding very short periods of time such as two hours and worked up from there. I don't even want to think about the money we spent on that but there again, it was replacing medications and psychiatrist trips so maybe it was a wash, plus he learned some long term coping skills near the end. It wasn't a pretty process--if I had had a crystal ball and known exactly which medication would have worked I probably would have gone for it but after two back to back medication reactions I was willing to move heaven and earth to find another way.</p><p></p><p>I know this isn't a method that would work for every kid but I'll throw it in the pot for parents who are searching.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 15636, member: 701"] Shari, one of the things I found is that my difficult child didn't work for small change. If I wanted to help him overcome big hurdles, I had to hold up very desirable incentives. We were into the 4's for potty training, delayed by issues we were totally in the dark about, then delayed again by surgery. Nothing was working so I dangled Magic School Bus computer games in front of him and it did the job. Expensive, yes, but at his size so were disposable diapers. It did the job and we've had years of use out of the games. Later, when he crashed I was desperate because the doctor he needed to see was on medical leave so I made a last ditch effort and again used large incentives (like Lego sets). At first I was rewarding very short periods of time such as two hours and worked up from there. I don't even want to think about the money we spent on that but there again, it was replacing medications and psychiatrist trips so maybe it was a wash, plus he learned some long term coping skills near the end. It wasn't a pretty process--if I had had a crystal ball and known exactly which medication would have worked I probably would have gone for it but after two back to back medication reactions I was willing to move heaven and earth to find another way. I know this isn't a method that would work for every kid but I'll throw it in the pot for parents who are searching. [/QUOTE]
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5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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