50 Ways to Send Your Boomerang or difficult child Kid Packing

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by 2much2recover, Dec 8, 2014.

  1. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    When reading another post where the poster wasn't ready for her difficult child to leave the home I came upon this funny list of ways to get your kid to leave on their own - especially appropriate for difficult child adults (an maybe not so funny but valid things to do) From The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/10/boomerang-kids-50-ways-to-send-your-boom_n_3561309.html

    Get Off My Grid, Kid

    1. Don’t stock the refrigerator. At first, this will be annoying to you and him, but eventually he will either move out or go grocery shopping. Either way, you win.

    2. When you know she's going to borrow your car, leave the gas tank near empty. See above.

    3. Offer non-monetary incentives. Start small -- say, a week’s worth of groceries in exchange for him finding an apartment. You may have to agree to keep him on your cell plan, but it's still worth it.

    4. If that doesn't work, offer cash -- perhaps an amount equal to the first month's rent on a new apartment.

    5. If out-and-out bribery fails, offer a year’s worth of "consulting services" -- advice about (but not money toward) some of the things that may be giving her adult anxiety, like insurance or starting an investment account.
    6. You weaned him once, you can do it again. If you've been giving him money, steadily reduce the amount until you've completely cut him off.

    7. Buy gift cards for the grocery and drugstore in your child’s name -- and highlight the new address field.

    8. Annoy the hell out of her with a barrage of questions (even if you don’t really care): Where are you going? When will you be home? Will there be drinking? Isn’t it a little late to be going out on a work night? Keep it up until she can’t stand it.

    9. Analyze last month’s utilities bills (including Internet). Factor in housing and food costs and present your adult child a bill for his share.

    10. If she has a car, refuse to pay her auto insurance. She may want to live in your home, but she certainly doesn't want to be held hostage in it.

    11. Have out-in-the-open fights with your spouse. Ideally these will be fake fights -- and making up could be fun -- but all that shouting could send your kid running.

    12. Take up the trombone.

    13. When your daughter is gone for a weekend, box up some of the stuff in her room and convert a portion of the space into your own office or yoga studio. (Don’t make it too nice or this might backfire.)

    14. Make a list of 10 rental properties that you have secretly vetted and schedule lunch and a real-estate viewing with your daughter. Follow with pedicures and a glass of wine -- for both of you -- and tell her you'll help her with the rent until she can afford it herself.

    15. When your son is out for the day, remove the bed in his room. Tell him the only sleeping option is an air mattress in the living room or the sofa in the den.

    16. Turn over those Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons you’ve been collecting to your adult child with a note that says “for your new apartment.”

    17. Pick up a stack of change-of-address cards at the post office. Fill in your child’s name and leave them on her nightstand.

    18. Stop cooking dinner (or any meals when your child is present).

    19. Enlist the aid of younger siblings to beg their big bro or sis to get a new apartment so they can stay over and escape their crazy parents.

    20. Frame a few family photos and present to your child, saying this will make the new place feel like home.

    21. Stop paying their cellphone bill.

    22. Reminisce -- a lot. Start with the 1960s and work your way through the '80s in painful detail of everything you did in your past. Nothing makes kids head for the hills faster than stories of their parents’ lives.

    23. Tell your child that you and your spouse are cutting back on alcohol and fatty foods and to avoid temptation none of that will be allowed in the house.

    24. Regale them with all the great stories you’ve been hearing about how much fun your friends’ kids are having in their own apartments.

    25. Invite your own parents to come for a nice long visit -- of course, they’ll have to stay in your child’s room.

    26. Turn the Wi-Fi on and off at random times. Tell your boomerang that your provider said service is going to be intermittent for an undetermined length of time and there might even be periods with no Internet connection.

    27. When you are grocery shopping, do not buy any of her favorite foods.

    28. Start spending increasingly more time at home. Home Alone was a nightmare for 10-year-old Kevin, but for a twentysomething, it’s a dream come true.

    29. When their friends drop by, don’t offer them food. If they tend to congregate in a certain room, pre-empt them by taking it over with your stuff.

    30. Even if you don’t mind the occasional sleepover of the “significant other,” start enforcing a “not under my roof” policy.

    31. Do not clean your child's room or do his laundry. (But bear in mind, some kids may neither mind nor notice the squalor.)

    32. Have regular “date nights” at home: Dim the lights, open a bottle of wine, dress for the occasion. That should send her packing.

    33. Keep watching a steady diet of “60 Minutes,” CNN and CNBC. In fact, leave the TV on all day and turn the volume way up.

    34. Do the same with music. A constant soundtrack of ’70s rock -- better yet, lite FM -- will repel her.

    35. Host big family gatherings full of annoying relatives who will pry into your adult child's personal life and incessantly boast about “our son, the radiologist.” That should inspire your kid to move out.

    36. Sign your child up for subscriptions to every Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel type of catalog to get her interested in apartment décor. Offer to buy one piece (within your budget) if she agrees to move out by a certain date.

    37. If a parent or friend is downsizing, work together to pack up a perfect first-apartment gift box for your “on their way out” child. Tip: Start with the vintage barware.

    38. Cancel subscriptions to Starz and HBO. Sorry, Charlie: No more Game of Thrones on the big screen.

    39. Inform your boomerang that you’ll be renovating her room to convert it into a proper guest room and that she's got 30 days to vacate the premises.

    40. Clear the house of soda, snack foods, microwave meals and anything that can be easily grabbed at 2 a.m. You’ll be doing yourself a favor in more ways than one.

    41. Make a lot of noise at 7:30 a.m.: bang pots, turn up the volume on the TV or radio and speak loudly.

    42. Demand total silence in the house after 11 p.m., since after all, you’re the ones working to earn a living. You need a good night’s sleep.

    43. Offer him your frequent flier miles -- one-way.

    44. Remove the air-conditioner or fan from your child's room.

    45. Charge above-market rent for his room. If he balks, tell him you will advertise for a boarder who’s willing to pay.

    46. Tell your child that they aren't allowed in the house during the hours of 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.

    47. Invite friends over for the kinds of things you enjoy but that your child doesn't (bridge, mah jongg, singing, improv) and don't be in a rush to kick your friends out.

    48. Sell his things.

    49. Sell the house.

    50. If all else fails, beg.

    by the way if you are still paying the cellphone bill or wi-fi for your difficult child just say no. We all did fine in the world before these "improvements" came along. Not having access to the net may leave the time to fine the all important J.O.B.!
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  2. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    LOL Change the wi-fi to something like FBI undercover or DEA if you think your child is doing drugs.
    Feel free to add your funny ways to get THEM to leave! :sword:
  3. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Make a menu of foods they HATE and cook it every week until they no longer wish to eat with you :spaghetti:
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have a few easier ideas...hehehe.

    1/"We're cutting off the cell phone. No need for one since we know where you're going to be. Here. We just put in a landline. You can use that."

    2/ "Your new used bike it ready to take you anywhere you want to go. The car is off limits from now on. Dad and I need to cut back on insurance costs. Besides, you need the exercise!"

    3/ "I've decided I cook too much. Dad and I are going to go out a lot, but we left you some Banquet TV dinners for a buck. Haha. Enjoy."

    4/. "Oh, you noticed we got rid of cable? Yeah. We're serious about cutting costs. You're free to order it again and pay for it."

    5/ "The internet? That too. But you can always go to the library."

    That would send any kid out on his own. ;)
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Walk around naked. Say you took up nudism.
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  6. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Put a second lock on the door and when they don't come home at curfew (9pm anyone) lock the second lock.
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  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Play reveille loudly every morning in their room at 5:00 a.m. sharp!!
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Inspired by "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon

    "The problem is all inside your head, they said to me.
    The answer is easy if you take it logically,
    I'd like to help you in your quest to be free,
    There must be fifty ways to kick your kid out.
    Fifty ways to kick your kid out...

    "Make him walk out the back, Jack.
    Tell him to make a new plan, Stan.
    Don't need to be coy, Roy.
    Just get yourself free.

    Tell him to hop on the bus, Gus,
    don't need to discuss much,
    Just swipe his key, Lee,
    And set yourself free."

    (and change the locks afterward)
  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    @MidwestMom that is just too funny!!! Nice job.
  10. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I thought of another for the difficult child whose room is a major disaster area - hide some stinky cheese as "air freshener"
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  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, for my difficult child... the smell wouldn't even be noticeable to difficult child, just to the rest of us.